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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or mean to stop MIL cutting up DDs meat?

63 replies

TheHouseOnTheLane · 15/08/2015 12:14

Lovely MIL doesn't get much chance to see our DDs....well she didn't but we've just last week moved to MIL's town so now she has.

She's very happy and so are DDs.

But MIL keeps cutting up their meat for them...they're 11 and 7! Both can handle cutlery well.

Today I finally had to say "They can cut their own meat up you know MIL." and MIL said "Oh I'm only taking it off the bone for them." so I said "They can do that too."

I can't have them babied like that...it just looks daft! AIBU and should I just let her baby them?

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 15/08/2015 12:16

Do they mind? If so, they'll tell her!

Original poster
TheHouseOnTheLane · 15/08/2015 12:17

Oh God no they'd let her wipe their bottoms if she tried to! They'd both be babied to the hilt but I just don't like it....it seems silly somehow! Two great big girls like that getting their meat cut up!

OP posts:
manchestermummy · 15/08/2015 12:18

Oh no YANBU at all! Sounds like exactly the sort of thing my MIL would do. I remember her presenting dd1 with her lunch mashed up in a bowl. She was five. We absolutely had to say something as dd looked mortified.

In fact, my dn lives with her and she mashes her food too. She's nearly two.

Feline9 · 15/08/2015 12:20

I'm 21 and don't eat meat but meat on the bone would turn my stomach. YABU.

Original poster
TheHouseOnTheLane · 15/08/2015 12:20

Manchester yes....it's the fiddling about that I don't like. It's their bloody dinner! Leave it alone...let them eat it. I find the older DD regresses a fair bit when she's been with MIL for the day...comes home speaking younger than usual and is prone to tantrums too.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheHouseOnTheLane · 15/08/2015 12:22

Feline that's beside the point. It was chicken and they both had a leg as well as breast meat and MIL was sort of chopping it all up. Both DDs would usually just wrap a leg up in some kitchen towel and bite it! Or if in company they weren't that comfortable with, they'd use their knife and fork. They're not precious and will eat ribs, chops, shelfish...anything.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 15/08/2015 12:24

She'll probably calm down once she's used to seeing much more of them.

It's only been a week.

TheyreMadITellYouMaaaad · 15/08/2015 12:28

YABU It's grandma's job to spoil the kids. If they're bothered they will tell her, if they can't tell her they will tell you. Quite likely the bad behaviour comes from knowing that the spoiling is over now, and that mum disapproves of it anyway.

I remember with love and pleasure the way my grandma spoiled me - it was quite a shock to be treated as an adult for the first time at 16, but she soon regressed and indulged herself in spoiling my siblings and me for the rest of her life. It was a happy joke between me and my own mum.

TheCunnyFunt · 15/08/2015 12:28

My grandma is exactly the same. She has an obsession with choking. My sister has a 9yo and a 6yo. Both are perfectly able to cut their food up. My DD is 4 and is still learning. If we ever meet up for a meal my grandma will absolutely massacre my DN's food, she chops it up so small it may as well be mashed. I help DD to cut hers up and then grandma will cut it even smaller Hmm whenever they eat anything, like a biscuit, or a small snack, without fail grandma will say 'Careful they don't choke.'

I love my grandma to bits, she's amazing really, it's just the food thing that gets on everyones nerves.

Original poster
TheHouseOnTheLane · 15/08/2015 12:35

I don't mind her spoiling them at all...not a bit...she can do what she wants, feed them anything she likes....help them do anything...except that. Grin

OP posts:
LazyLohan · 15/08/2015 12:38

YABU, your daughters aren't bothered so it's a non-issue. But you are going to get people telling it's borderline abuse and you should go NC simply because the word MIL appeared.

QuiteLikely5 · 15/08/2015 12:42

I think yabu. The woman is causing no harm and her actions come from a place of love. Let your children appreciate this kindness from their granny and they will benefit hugely from a strong and lovely relationship.

WorraLiberty · 15/08/2015 12:45

The thing here is that at least they're old enough to know it's not necessary.

I would turn it into a bit of an affectionate family joke.

Like my 23yr old DS. When he goes to see his grandparents, he comes back and says, "I've had one of nanny's special ice creams" Grin

Truth be told, he'd be a bit upset if he wasn't offered one Wink

AuntyMag10 · 15/08/2015 12:46

I think it's grandmas job to be spoiling them this wayGrinshe obviously knows they are capable, she's just indulging them. It's no harm really.

TheSkiingGardener · 15/08/2015 12:47

If that were the only issue I would pay the 11 year old handsomely to walk round the table and cut up his grandmothers meat for her.

However, as part of a wider issue, if she's babying them that much you've got to address it really.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 15/08/2015 12:47

I do think that there's such a thing as over pandering and spoiling. My lovely grandparents insisted on doing things like this for my youngest sibling. It included wiping bottom after toilet, long after was needed to. Kid ended up with a lot of immature qualities - was around 8 when they stopped coming into the living room, bare arsed, asking if they were 'clean enough'. They still won't use a knife (I became very irritated as an olderr sibling, kept asking if they wanted food chewed for them first as well). Nothing wrong with a bit of pandering, but infantising them is not spoiling, it's silly and unnecessary.

WorraLiberty · 15/08/2015 12:51

It's only been a week though, to be fair.

honeysucklejasmine · 15/08/2015 12:51

Spoiling means buying treats and going on exciting days out, surely? I would be mortified if my grandparents had treated me as if I were 3 when I wasn't. My fond memories are going for walks, fishing, and taking our 50p to the sweet shop!

Op, YADNBU!

RiverTam · 15/08/2015 12:54

But the OP's DC aren't mortified. They aren't bothered at all. And this kind of thing just at grandma's isn't going to result in any damage unless she's their primary carer, surely?

Icimoi · 15/08/2015 12:55

It would certainly irritate me. I wonder what she thinks happens with school meals?

Gruntfuttock · 15/08/2015 12:59

OP, if your MIL thinks that's still necessary for 11 and 7 yr olds, does that mean she was still cutting up your DH's meat for him at that age? How old was he when she stopped?

BeaufortBelle · 15/08/2015 12:59

Does she stir her dh's tea?

If my DC were at the table and picked up a chicken leg with their fingers (kitchen paper or not) both their grandmothers would speak to me about their inability to use a knife and fork at the table. Are you sure she isn't making a similar point.

I agree they should cut their own meat but I can see her point if she is doing it to stop them from using their fingers.

BertrandRussell · 15/08/2015 13:00
QuiteLikely5 · 15/08/2015 13:02

Ofgs how can people go against this granny! She's doing nothing wrong! Nothing at all.

Hellochicken · 15/08/2015 13:04

YABU what does it matter? If you don't cut their food up for them at home they will learn to cut up their own food.
I think grandparents can make their own decisions about this type of thing and they won't do it forever.

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