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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to request to change my mat leave start date?

47 replies

artisanroast · 15/08/2015 01:52

Hi,

I am currently 30+6 and have decided (after 2 weeks of annual leave) that I really don't think I can make it to my current finish date of 7th October or 39weeks.

In my maternity letter from HR it says I can request to change my finish date, so that is what I have done today.

I am starting to become very tired and now prefer to have a mid-afternoon nap if I can. I also now have sore ribs whenever I eat, I am sometimes a little sick in my mouth (sorry TMI) after even small meals and I can't really sit for more than a couple of hours at a time before I become quite uncomfortable. So, I don't feel I can make it to 39 weeks.

I think I am nervous about my request as I feel a bit silly to think I could have worked that long to start with (although my manager did push to keep me in work as long as possible). I have also had a very healthy pregnancy and only stopped going to the gym at 28 weeks.

So, AIBU to ask to change my finish date only 4 weeks before I would like to stop?

Thanks

OP posts:

Alisvolatpropiis · 15/08/2015 02:01

No, Yanbu.

Can you use any accrued annual leave beforehand?

I took my accrued 10 days and then started mat leave exactly two weeks before my due date, my daughter arrived 4 days ahead of schedule. I can't tell you how glad I am that I had that extra time to rest and get ready.

EllenJanethickerknickers · 15/08/2015 02:06

Not at all. I finished at 36 weeks and DS1 was born at 37 weeks! TBH, my productivity was pretty shit for the last few weeks.

ArgentinianMalbec · 15/08/2015 02:07

My last pregnancy I stopped work 4 weeks before my due date (ended up being 2 as DD was early) but swore next time I would make it 6 weeks as I was so knackered near the end. So no, yanbu! Congratulations

TiredButFine · 15/08/2015 02:14

You can go off from 11 weeks before the EDC. And if the baby comes early you have to go off from then!
Really it's your choice. Even if you went sick now you would have to then go on maternity.

Original poster

artisanroast · 15/08/2015 02:42

Hi,

Thanks ladies.

I will have just over a week of annual leave accrued. My manager told me I have to use my full annual leave entitlement for the year before I go on mat leave but it turns out she was wrong so I have cc'd in HR to my request so I know I am following policy and having my full entitlement.

I am very fond of my manager as a person but she can be known to be a little inefficient as a manager. She is a stickler for timings etc which is why I sent the email to allow the 28 days as per policy, cc'd in HR etc.

That is my other genuine concern - what if I go early? We have had work done in the flat and the nursery is nowhere near ready! It still needs cleaned, doesn't have a cot, nothing is bought etc etc and the list goes on...

I have a friend who is a midwife and she recommended I have everything tied up, bags packed etc by 34 weeks. I think she is right as I have quite a few friends who have had their babies earlier than expected. I have also had a few who have had them later but you can be really caught out if they are early.

OP posts:

DancingDinosaur · 15/08/2015 02:49

Crikey I wouldn't worry about the nursery. I guess the baby will be sleeping in with you for a while anyway. Plenty of time to sort that later. My dd's 'nursery' wasn't done until she was nearly 3!!

DancingDinosaur · 15/08/2015 02:51

As for bags, I wouldn't worry to much about that either. I forgot my bag when I went to the hospital anyway. Sent hubby home for a change of clothes, hospital gave me some soap and shampoo. Don't stress yourself. You dont need much.

Original poster

artisanroast · 15/08/2015 02:58

I need a nursery because unfortunately DH snores that loudly he will keep her awake - I am going in a fold-out bed with her and DH will be in our room.

It may be easier to chuck DH onto the sofa - hahaha!!! I do have a moses basket and sleep suits.

To be fair I am probably more ahead of myself than I think.

OP posts:

OgreIt · 15/08/2015 03:05

If you have a moses basket you'll be fine. She will be able to sleep in that for several months. I'd be kicking dh onto the sofa bed as its his snoring that's the problem, not you! You'll be fine. She really doesn't need a perfect room from birth and while you might deliver early, you are just as likely to go late and have time for all the last-minute purchases. Hope your request is approved - my four weeks of maternity leave before ds1 was born were so lovely (naps, visiting galleries, meeting friends for lunch, taking everything slow, going to movies etc etc) I still remember then fondly five years later (and I loved my job!).

IWentAwayIStayedAway · 15/08/2015 03:12

with my 1st DC i left work at 32 weeks, i just couldn't do it!
DC was 4 weeks early!
With DC 3 i worked on the day she was born at 40 weeks as i was feeling great.
What i am trying to say is do what feel rights for you
good luck with everything

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 15/08/2015 03:19

What's your maternity leave pay like.

As much as I wanted to sleep and rest I battled through as I wanted more time with my baby after he was born.

2nd time I didn't have it in me to work any longer than 34 weeks ( 38 weeks with my first) so that's when I went on ML.

I wish that I went on ML on dc1 aged 9 sooner, he was ( and still) a terrible sleeper.

Listen to your body. It sounds like you need to give work a miss and rest.

PotteringAlong · 15/08/2015 03:37

You might go early but you might be 2 weeks late - that's 2 months less time with your baby at the other end of maternity leave.

avocadotoast · 15/08/2015 03:54

I went off at 36 weeks. I was getting faint and dizzy on my way to work, just wasn't worth the hassle and also I could not be arsed.

I ended up having 5 weeks as DD went a week over due date. I did get a bit bored towards the end and in a way I kind of regret not sticking it out a bit longer, but at the same time, your health has to come first at this stage.

lastnightiwenttomanderley · 15/08/2015 05:43

I'm 35 weeks and have 2 weeks left at work which feels about right - I have a three hour commute each day. I'm now getting quite uncomfortable Sat at my desk.

I may be wrong but I think, as pp have alluded to, that any pregnancy related sick leave in the 4 weeks before EDD (so 36 on) automatically triggers mat leave. Don't forget that term is classed as 37 weeks plus you have the possibility of a 2 week 'overstay!'

Personally I'd be a bit nervous about working until 39 weeks. Don't think YABU at all to.ask to bring it forward.
Good luck!

Rockinghorse123 · 15/08/2015 06:42

YANBU at all. And im.sure work will be understanding.

I worked until 38 weeks with Ds1 but I was exhausted. I'm currently 33 weeks with DS2 and I finish at the end of this week, although I have saved my AL so I have 3 weeks AL before ML starts at 37 weeks.

5YearsTime · 15/08/2015 06:48

I worked until 38 weeks and I did not feel good about it at the time BUT now that my baby is here I am so glad I worked late so that I could be at home with her for longer.

Totality22 · 15/08/2015 07:09

If you need to change your date, then change it. Better than going off sick (and if you go off sick from 36w onwards your employer can legally start your maternity leave from then)

I worked until 37w first time and 38w second time. I only managed second time as it was the festive period so quite so had a long weekend / few early finishes etc. I'd have not coped otherwise... healthy pregnancies here as well but working until 38w with a toddler was just insane!!

ecuse · 15/08/2015 07:20

You'd be surprised how well babies sleep through things like snoring - (s)he might even like a bit of white noise. My dh and I both snore rather loudly and have never woken the baby AFAIK. Of course in the beginning it will be hard to tell since babies wake up every hour or two! Keep your bed - you'll have just given birth, and want somewhere comfy.

DoreenLethal · 15/08/2015 07:27

I'm sure the baby will just get used to the snoring, probably already hears it in the womb. Would probably miss it if it's not there when she arrives.

I don't like the idea of you on a fold up bed. Stay comfy lady.

TeaPleaseLouise · 15/08/2015 07:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jengnr · 15/08/2015 07:34

With my first I intended to finish at 37 weeks. Found it tough so brought it forward to 34. He arrived on my original end date.

This time I finished at 34 and am now at 39+1. I'm glad I stopped when I did though.

ThomasRichard · 15/08/2015 07:43

YANBU, this happens to plenty of women who have healthy pregnancies and underestimate hiw tired and generally uncomfortable they will feel in the last weeks of pregnancy. Some women do work right up until the day before the baby is born but it's not for everyone.

I made the same plan with DC1 and ended up getting signed off at 34 weeks as I was exhausted. With DC2 I saved up my annual leave and left at 32 weeks :o She arrived 2 weeks late so I had a nice long time to nap prepare for her arrival.

Cuppaand2biscuits · 15/08/2015 07:43

No, no, no you will not be sleeping on a fold out bed. Your husband and his snoring can go next door for a few months.

CalleighDoodle · 15/08/2015 07:59

Go on mat leave whenever you want. I was 32 weeks with my first (first 4 weeks sick though with spd) and 36 with my second but he was 9 days late.

Has your husband tried to address the snoring issue? Seen his doctor? Is he a healthy weight? Does he smoke? Thats a long term issue that will effect you massively when already sleep deprived.

ratsintheattic · 15/08/2015 08:09

you're going to sleep on a fold out bed? that's the unreasonable bit IMO.

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