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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to request to change my mat leave start date?

47 replies

artisanroast · 15/08/2015 01:52

Hi,

I am currently 30+6 and have decided (after 2 weeks of annual leave) that I really don't think I can make it to my current finish date of 7th October or 39weeks.

In my maternity letter from HR it says I can request to change my finish date, so that is what I have done today.

I am starting to become very tired and now prefer to have a mid-afternoon nap if I can. I also now have sore ribs whenever I eat, I am sometimes a little sick in my mouth (sorry TMI) after even small meals and I can't really sit for more than a couple of hours at a time before I become quite uncomfortable. So, I don't feel I can make it to 39 weeks.

I think I am nervous about my request as I feel a bit silly to think I could have worked that long to start with (although my manager did push to keep me in work as long as possible). I have also had a very healthy pregnancy and only stopped going to the gym at 28 weeks.

So, AIBU to ask to change my finish date only 4 weeks before I would like to stop?

Thanks

OP posts:

Elisheva · 15/08/2015 08:17

That's ridiculous! Why is your husband not sleeping on the fold out? You will need as much good quality sleep as you can manage and you need to be comfortable, especially just after the birth. If you're that concerned about snoring why not set the 'nursery' up as his temporary bedroom and put baby in with you?
As for maternity leave, with DD I called HR one Friday and told them I couldn't work any more and wouldn't be coming in Monday, no problem at all!

RunningJumpingClimbingTrees · 15/08/2015 08:25

I went at 36 weeks and dd was born 11 days late so was off for ages. I sort of deluded myself saying to people I should have worked later. my husband pointed out I had been coming home from work and going straight to bed and that I had been throwing up in my bin at work (don't worry only once but felt horrendous the last two weeks was at work). do what feels right for you and also you need the better bed as you are the one who will be tuned in to every little noise your new baby will make so when you do sleep you need it to be good sleep.

HSMMaCM · 15/08/2015 08:26

As others have said, your baby is already used to the snoring and might find it comforting.

worserevived · 15/08/2015 08:28

After the birth you will be exhausted from blood loss, sleep deprivation and the physical energy needed to bf. Don't underestimate that. Sleep in your own bed, have the baby in your room, and DH can sleep on the fold up bed. Having a baby is a major deal for your body. You need to allow yourself recovery time.

Original poster

artisanroast · 15/08/2015 08:52

Thomas your comment made me smile. I also somehow feel like I am being selfish or not a 'team player' or 'grafter' by finishing early. I take comfort from other women who haven't worked until the end

DH saw a Dr who told him 2 things - lose weight and get a mouth guard. DH isn't massive, he has a BMI of 28. He doesn't smoke. He never pursued the mouth guard. It is thought of as a 'family problem' as his Dad snores too. It was so bad at one point that I moved into the spare room for a year! Oh the bliss when he goes away for the night! I went to my GP thinking my iron levels were low as I was so tired but it turned out to be that I wasnt getting any quality sleep. DH's snoring is a thread all of its own! haha!

OP posts:

Original poster

artisanroast · 15/08/2015 08:55

I am planning to bf too so want to be well rested before she arrives - eating well, sleeping well etc.

The contented little baby book is equally re-assuring and terrifying. I'm going to put a print out timetable on the fridge to keep me on track.

OP posts:

wooldonor · 15/08/2015 09:02

Oh dear OP, you've done it now, any mention of CBB isn't going to go well. I'd hide the thread now.

LIZS · 15/08/2015 09:10

Unfortunately your baby won't have read tcbb ! Please don't become a slave to it as you are setting yourself up for frustration and disappointment if you try to follow the rules. Try to go with the flow and relax.

CalleighDoodle · 15/08/2015 09:13

EASY is so much easier to follow.
Eat (give baby milk)
Activity (do something with baby)
Sleep (nap for baby)
You. (While baby sleeps, do something for you. Like sleep).

avocadotoast · 15/08/2015 09:22

Problem is that babies can't read

If you're breastfeeding then your baby will feed when it wants. It'll sleep when it wants regardless.

Thinking back a few weeks (as DD is only 12 weeks), there's no way I could've done night feeds on a fold out bed. You just don't know how you'll be after the birth - if you're in any sort of discomfort you'll need a decent bed!

pillowaddict · 15/08/2015 09:32

Oh yanbu. With dd1 I finished up at 37 weeks and hd 4 weeks until.she arrived, it was great! With dd2 I worked until 40 weeks and literally finished on the Friday and had her on the Tuesday. I was hugely uncomfortable and knackered, but in a new job and needed to work until as late as possible. I missed the chance to rest up before the marathon of sleep deprivation a newborn brings!

rainbowunicorn · 15/08/2015 09:48

Yes you should stop work earlier if you feel you want to I stopped at 34 weeks with my first as I was on my feet all day in retail and it became too much. Just as well as my baby came at 36 weeks.
With regard to having the nursery done please don't worry. The baby will sleep through any noise it is accustomed too from birth. With both of mine I did not change the level of noise in the house. TV was on, hoovering while they were asleep, at one point major building work with a 4 week old etc. In contrast I had friends who kept the house quiet to the point of not switching a light on in the adjoining room in case it woke the baby. The result was babies and then children that could not sleep through the slightest noise.
Keep your bed you will want comfort not some fold out bed with little support. All the baby needs is somewhere to sleep so a moses basket or even a pram that lies completely flat is fine for the first few months. If you are really concerned about your partners snoring then kick him to the fold down bed in the nursery and you and baby have your room.

As an aside I found the wallpaper border and shelves that I bought for my first child's nursery unopened a few weeks ago while clearing out. We had planned to put them up then baby came early. That baby is now nearly 15 and the nursery never was finished

Casperthefriendlyspook · 15/08/2015 10:04

I worked until 38 weeks with DD and felt generally great - a bit tired but was buzzing about her arrival. She was 11 days late so I was off about 3.5 weeks before she arrived.
With DS it was a different case... I finished up at 39 weeks (a particular project had a deadline I was determined to see out....) He was born 36 hours after I walked out of the office!
I was desperate to go as long as I could, to have more time after, but I was just daft the second time. I felt underprepared and disorganised at home. If I ever have another, I'm finishing up at 36/37 weeks!

magoria · 15/08/2015 10:16

All pregnancies are different.

I was on a motorbike up until 35 weeks. Then at 37 weeks with my bosses off to one of our foreign offices the next week I phoned them on the Sunday to say sorry I can't come in next week I am in labour.

As other say your baby can't read. If you get a baby that naturally follows the routine you are lucky. If you don't you run the risk of seriously stressing yourself out and upsetting yourself thinking you are doing something wrong trying to stick to it.

Babies also don't need a nursery to start. And if you use one they won't complain about the decor. As long as it is clean nothing else matters.

And don't give up your bed. The first few weeks is when you need as much decent rest as you can get in a proper bed.

RolyPolierThanThou · 15/08/2015 10:29

Not only can you change the date of your start of maternity leave, so can your employer, so I wouldn't feel at ALL guilty for doing so. If you were to take sickness that can be linked to your pregnancy, your employer can effectively force you to start maternity leave from that time.

Not saying they will, but it's to show that your initial date given for a 39 week finish is (and always was) a provisional date, an estimate. No HR dept would hold you to it absolutely.

Two women at my company started their maternity leave earlier than they initially said and I'm due to start mine in two weeks (at 36w) and I've just realised I should have finished last week, really, because I am so tired, suffering all manner of aches and pains linked to sitting at my desk all day and am finding the commute hard now. Unfortunately my work is project based and I need these two weeks to finish them up. I wish I'd given 34w as my end date now though.

RolyPolierThanThou · 15/08/2015 10:32

Oh, and regarding the snoring, your baby will have been listening to that snoring in utero and will find it a perfectly comforting and normal noise. I very much doubt your baby will be phased by it at all. Your baby has been sleeping through it (and other daytime noises) since she could hear.

In fact, someone I know worked in the lighting box for a west end musical while she was pregnant and later, after her baby was born, her baby seemed to find the music (which was quite lively disco) strangely comforting and restful.

CalleighDoodle · 15/08/2015 11:08

Op whose suggestion was it that you and the baby have the nursery?

KitCat26 · 15/08/2015 12:32

I stopped at 31 weeks with DD1. I had low blood pressure and passed out in a traffic jam at the wheel!

I had planned to stop that early, but it really made sense after that. I was terrified of driving after and my commute was an hour each way.

Once on leave it was great and I really enjoyed it.

DH snores like a train, both babies slept through it. And he took the spare bed when necessary.

PotteringAlong · 15/08/2015 14:17

You are going to print out a timetable and put it on your fridge??? Why? Has your baby read it? Bin the timetable. The chances of successful breastfeeding are much much increased by feeding on demand, not to a spurious timetable for a baby who cannot tell the time. If you were hungry / thirsty and someone tried to tell you you were not because the clock said you couldn't be for another hour you'd be really pissed off. Don't do that to your baby!

Original poster

artisanroast · 22/11/2015 21:33

After all of this...

I went into labour 4 days into my adjusted mat leave and gave birth an hour into day 5.

I can confirm the CLBB is a load of b**locks

OP posts:

Bluecheese22 · 22/11/2015 22:02

Congratulations!! Hope you're both doing well!

DoJo · 22/11/2015 22:07

Congratulations and glad you're ignoring CLBB rather than letting it drive you mad!

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