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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend is having party at mine

38 replies

Givemetheginnow · 13/08/2015 22:42

My close friend wants to have her bday drinks at mine as it is easier for people to get to. I wasn't actually asked outright but this kept being suggested and eventually I just agreed. About ten friends will be there, most of whom are mutual but some who I've never met

I feel like I might be expected to help chip in for alcohol and snacks? She is lovely and not a taker at all, I don't know how to be polite but firm back though. What can I say? I'm excited but reallyyyyyy don't want to host...

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 13/08/2015 22:45

That's difficult, isn't it? Is it really easier for people to get there? Does she never have anything at her house then?

Original poster
Givemetheginnow · 13/08/2015 22:45

Also there's one of her friends who I actually don't really like. He's quite pompous and unpleasant. The get together is tomorrow late eve and I'm dreading having to play host to him!!!!

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 13/08/2015 22:46

It's easy for her, then, isn't it? You have to clean up before and after and she just gets to come round when the party's ready to start!

WalfordEast · 13/08/2015 22:46

You have agreed now so you don't really have a choice. Make it clear the free venue is as far as it goes though. Just say it. If she's a friend- she won't be offended.

LadyStark · 13/08/2015 22:46

Just ask her if she's supplying booze or will people bring their own, she should get message.

ImperialBlether · 13/08/2015 22:46

It's tomorrow?!

What have you said to her about food/drink? What has SHE said?

DragonsCanHop · 13/08/2015 22:47

How about letting her know in advance that you have arranged to get your hair done, pop into town for a new out fit etc whilst she sets up and you arrive at the start of the party?

Original poster
Givemetheginnow · 13/08/2015 22:47

Imperial - not really, she's living with family right now so more convenient for me to host as I live on my own. She is one of my closest friends so I don't resent her for it, but find the amount of work involved quite stressful. I have hosted similar things on her behalf before (well a joint behalf actually) and it's always been fun but hard work

OP posts:
OwlinaTree · 13/08/2015 22:48

Say, I'm sorry, I'm excited about your birthday but I can't host as [make up random excuse here, cat is having a friend round, dh watching football, fridge on the blink etc].

Original poster
Givemetheginnow · 13/08/2015 22:48

To be fair to her she is coming early to set up, I'll help her but won't go crazy I think

OP posts:
Original poster
Givemetheginnow · 13/08/2015 22:48

Owlina - I agreed in the heat of the moment...

OP posts:
OwlinaTree · 13/08/2015 22:49

Didn't realise it was tomorrow, bit late to back out. Say 'what time are you coming over to set up the buffet?' See what she says.

DinosaursRoar · 13/08/2015 22:49

Oh my god, drains problems, your loo is backed up, stinks and might not be fixed tomorrow night! Rearranged back to hers, you can't host, sorry.

Next time think, of course it's easier for her if you clean your house, provide the snacks and drinks then clean up again afterwards, but it's easier for you not to do this. If people can't get to hers easily, she could hire a hall/reserve some space in a pub. But that is more expensive than the free hire at yours.

Original poster
Givemetheginnow · 13/08/2015 22:50

I was only asked yesterday!

OP posts:
OwlinaTree · 13/08/2015 22:50

Sounds like it will be fine. Have a fun night!

Original poster
Givemetheginnow · 13/08/2015 22:50

I don't I'm going to provide food and drink

OP posts:
OwlinaTree · 13/08/2015 22:51

Make sure you celebrate your birthday at her house....

Original poster
Givemetheginnow · 13/08/2015 22:51

don't think* that should say

OP posts:
DinosaursRoar · 13/08/2015 22:51

Just seen she lives with her parents, so rearrange due to your place being out of action to the nearest pub. Honestly, don't do this.

Floggingmolly · 13/08/2015 22:51

If she doesn't have a place of her own she should have just invited everyone to a pub (or restaurant). Having a party in someone else's home is bloody cheeky Hmm
Why did you agree??

NeuNewNouveau · 13/08/2015 22:51

Yes leave it mainly to her. I have hosted a pamper evening for a friend's birthday as I have the room and she doesn't but that was my 'treat' to her for her birthday to look after it all so she just came as a guest. I paid for her pampering and her friends paid for theirs. There were some people I had never met before but I knew a few of them.

I think yours is different though and she should do almost everything as if she was hosting, just in a different building.

Original poster
Givemetheginnow · 13/08/2015 22:52

Haha yes I will! She's lovely. Not on the take at all, I'm just kicking myself a bit for the amount of stress involved

OP posts:
whois · 13/08/2015 22:56

If she's a close friend why haven't you just asked her what she is doing about food and drink? Just make sure you have nothing in (hide in bedroom if needed) and make sure she knows to do a big shop for food and booze and mixers (and disposable cups and stuff) on the way.

Also its ok to say "you're a good friend so I'm happy for you to have your party at mine, but I don't expect to have to be 'the host' or to be lumped with the clearing up. Please can you make sure you get all the clearing up sorted before you go because I'm feeling a bit frazzled this week"

Floggingmolly · 13/08/2015 22:58

Where's the stress if she really is "hosting", and hasn't just conned you into throwing a party for her?
You seem unclear as to whether you're providing the food and drink?!

WalfordEast · 13/08/2015 23:02

Will she be turning up hungover on Saturday morning to clean up OP- or will that be your responsibility.

As I said- you agreed to it; so you have to go through with it. You could of said no- if she is so "lovely" and "such a good friend"- she wouldn't of cared.