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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still be scared of spiders?

35 replies

TheEagle · 07/08/2015 11:06

Just went to open up the hood of the buggy to take the twins for a walk and there's a large spider after making his home in there!

Of course I shrieked and closed the hood back up and flapped about for a bit. Meanwhile the twins have fallen asleep Smile

I'm terrified of spiders but I'm 34 3/4 for heaven's sake! How do I get over this?!

OP posts:
bilbodog · 07/08/2015 11:46

I still hate large spiders - am nearly 60 now!!! I have found I have got better at dealing with not so large spiders - especially because my daughter is just like me and freaks out so there have been times when I have had to 'save' her. But I still can't deal with really big ones. I have been known to get a neighbour or nearby workmen in to save me..................... I have found that dropping a very heavy book from a height works quite well as they don't see/feel it coming - but now everyone will shout at me for killing spiders. My house - don't come in if you want to live.........................

Elisheva · 07/08/2015 12:06

I was determined not to pass my fears onto the DCs. So I forced myself to be calm around spiders when they are there. I don't rush to take them away (because this reinforces that they are something to be afraid of), plus we talk about spiders and bugs a lot and have a couple of books about them.
I find that naming them helps Grin and talking to them too.
The more I've done this the less afraid I am. Kind of like pretending not to be afraid has made me actually not afraid.
Except if it's one of those huge brown ones - none of my strategies work with them!

happymummyone · 07/08/2015 12:49

It's a common thing to be scared of, you're not being silly. My mum bless her, she's terrified of moths and butterflies! I've had to catch and release a fair few of those in my time because she's a flapping, wailing, hysterical mess at the mere sight of one in the house or garden! I'm not scared of spiders really but I can understand why anyone would be, the legs and hairy bodies are gross and they are so damn quick!

Original poster
TheEagle · 07/08/2015 13:11

Yes it's their speed that I don't like! They can get places so quickly Grin

I really don't want my kids to see me being scared of spiders so I might try talking to them a bit more!

Doesn't help that there's an episode of Peppa Fecking Pig where Daddy Pig takes a spider into the garden. Now when DS1 sees a spider he says "spider outside" about 200 times and wants me to pick them up like Daddy Pig Hmm

OP posts:
Katedotness1963 · 07/08/2015 13:49

I hate spiders!! We had one horrendous self catering holiday that was a nightmare for spider haters, every evening huge ones would start wandering about the house. We left that place early and went to a hotel!

My dad used to tell me "they're more afraid of you than you are of them"...oh, really? Because I never see them screaming and running away...

WorraLiberty · 07/08/2015 13:54

YANBU to be scared of them.

But YWBU if your fear/reactions impacted on other people's lives, and you didn't try to get help for yourself.

I know so many people (mostly, but not all women), who insist on getting their DH's/Dads/FILs to drop what they're doing and come and deal with them.

I don't think that's fair if you're not going to at least attempt to help yourself.

maybebabybee · 07/08/2015 13:56

I sympathise OP. I really hate that I am so ridiculously scared of spiders but I can't help it.

I'm actually scared of doing housework without DH in the flat as if one comes out I won't know what to do.

susiedaisy · 07/08/2015 13:59

Yanbu. I really wish I wasn't frightened of them. I'm already dreading the autumn when they come in to the house. Sorry don't have anything constructive to add.

WorraLiberty · 07/08/2015 14:01

maybebabybee why not keep giving it a try?

If your DH left tomorrow, you'd have to manage.

maybebabybee · 07/08/2015 14:04

I know that, thank you worra. It's an irrational fear. I don't enjoy it.

WorraLiberty · 07/08/2015 14:08

I wasn't being funny maybebabybee

Just saying that perhaps small steps...ie giving it a little try might help in the long term.

maybebabybee · 07/08/2015 14:09

I'm intending on training up my DC to be spider catchers Grin

I can put them under a glass until someone arrives to physically remove them, anyway. That's a start!

WannabeLaraCroft · 07/08/2015 14:15

YANBU, I am petrified.

However I have definitely got braver since my DS has come along. I forced myself to do the glass and a bit of card trick and once I've picked incy wincy up, I show my DS and tell him to give the spider a name before I put it outside. I only do this so that my DS is not scared and doesn't see me getting scared. Then when he's bigger he can get rid of them himself Grin

I then internally freak out and do a lot of shuddering. If they're huge then I'm afraid I get the hoover out to get rid of them. (Sorry spider lovers!) I've definitely got braver though, and my DS isn't frightened at all.

Pretending to be calm is the answer op although this is difficult to do when one lands on your head while you're watching tv and the only answer to that is to jump up and down screaming like a numpty

WorraLiberty · 07/08/2015 14:18

The first time I caught a spider in a glass (after I'd moved out of my parent's house), I was all panicky but still very very proud of myself.

Until I realised I'd forgotten to open the back door first

It took me nearly 10 minutes to get the door open with my elbow Confused

I think even the spider thought, "FFS just get on with evicting me".

paulapompom · 07/08/2015 18:52

Worra - got an image of spider rollingits eyes and cchecking its watch. OP I don't like them, but can catch them (in a saucepan, at arm's length ) and put them out, but when you come across one unexpectedly it is hard not to get a fright.

My dad also used to say they are more frightened of you... but dm toldme when she was pg she had to catch a huge black bugger while my dad and uncle quaked!

hackmum · 07/08/2015 19:16

A lot of people say that the half-day spider phobia courses they do at London Zoo and Bristol Zoo are very good.

Me, I'm too afraid to go on them.

Elisheva · 07/08/2015 19:21

Bloody daddy pig and Mr Skinnylegs. If all spiders had happy smiles and made tinkley noises when they ran none of us would have a problem.
I tell DC that I might hurt the spider's feet if I pick it up which is why I catch it in a cup before taking it outside.
OP one thing that helped me was to understand the mechanism of phobias. For example you can't reason your way out if it ("it's much more scared of you" etc. etc.) because that's a different part of your brain to the part that reacts with fear. I found that acknowledging it and then using my rational brain to override helped a bit. Plus allowing myself to do the shuddery freaked out dance in the kitchen after taking one out into the garden, otherwise I twitch and overreact to my own hair tickling me for the next half hour.

Original poster
TheEagle · 07/08/2015 20:07

Oh the shuddery twitching! How I loathe that feeling!

Mr Skinnylegs has a lot to answer for.

I completely chickened out of returning to the buggy so DH will deal with the spider whilst I am quivering in another room.

Don't think a phobia course is for me, I heard that you actually have to hold a spider! Aargh!

Employing my rational brain might be the only way forward. I'm hoping that when DS1 (22mo) is a bit bigger then he will help me deal with them!

OP posts:
crazykat · 08/08/2015 08:44

I'm ridiculously terrified of spiders. I can feel the adrenaline starting to build up just thinking about them, if one's moving towards me I can have full on panic attacks. I hate it and feel pathetic that I'm a 27 year old mother and I'm terrified of something so much smaller than me.

I've thought about cbt or other courses to help the fear but even reading about how the therapy is carried out makes me shake.

It's a phobia which, bu definition, is an irrational fear of something.

I've started paying ds to get them, he loves it strange child that he is.

Lj8893 · 08/08/2015 09:00

I bloody hate them too! I am determined not to pass my fear down to dd though.

Unfortunately dh is also terrified of them!

I am going to do the Bristol zoo course though, I am determined!

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 08/08/2015 09:37

Fear doesn't discriminate against age. Being 34 has nothing to do with it.

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 08/08/2015 11:39

You are not silly! I'm 50 and can't be in the same room as a daddy long legs. DC think it's hilarious and haven't acquired my fears.

What would I do if I was alone? Shut the door and never go in again!

Rhine · 08/08/2015 11:48

I'm still scared of them as well. Don't mind the smaller ones as much, but those whoppers with the tiny bodies and massive legs still terrify me. I wish they'd become extinct or something so I'd never have to see one again!

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 08/08/2015 11:48

It's strange but I love daddy long legs. They're really delicate and remind me of little fairies, but if you think about it they're just like flying spiders.

Now imagine one of them!!.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 08/08/2015 11:52

I'm sure there's a course you go on. It's a bit costly about £150.00 for about 2 hours but it's intense therapy and I believe people go in there complete arachnophobics to the point where it is taking over their lives. Then come out completely cured being able to pick them up.
I'm not certain but I'm sure it!/ at London zoo