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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you just don't make comments about other people's appearance?

53 replies

TheHouseOnBellSt · 04/08/2015 20:21

Unless it's nice? I mean...it's ok to say "Oh your hair looks nice" or "I like your top!" or ...perhaps it's ok to say "Oh...have you broken your arm?" if it's in a cast...but you DO NOT comment on other things.

A woman I know...nice woman, very sensible usually...today looked at me and said...."Oh! What have you done?!!" and pointed to my chest where I have a small collection of burst/broken blood vessels. I have pale skin so they do show up but wtf?

Her reaction was the same as if I'd rocked up with an open wound. They're obviously broken bloody veins!!!

she's made me all self conscious about them now. :(

OP posts:
FarFromAnyRoad · 04/08/2015 20:23

Well to give her the benefit of the doubt perhaps she'd never seen such a thing before and really thought you'd maybe hurt yourself? It's not like she said 'Bloody hell - that looks fucking awful!' did she?

I thought from your title you meant more along the lines of my DH's late grandmother's opening line on meeting me -
'My you're a big fat girl aren't you'

Now THAT'S rude! Grin

Sleepybunny · 04/08/2015 20:24

YANBU, could she have just noticed it and maybe thought it was an injury if she'd never seen anything like that before?

Still rude!! When people make comments like that, I'm tempted to comment on something about them, weight, hair etc

Original poster
TheHouseOnBellSt · 04/08/2015 20:25

Road I bloody doubt that! She's 52 and works with the elderly!

Grin at "My you're a big fat girl" though.

OP posts:
MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 04/08/2015 20:26

I don't think it's rude. It's just a way of saying oh dear, are you alright, you look like you've hurt yourself.

Original poster
TheHouseOnBellSt · 04/08/2015 20:26

I'm getting them lasered! I am!

OP posts:
Sighing · 04/08/2015 20:32

I was greeted by a shopkeeper (who I do not know) with. "Goodness you look worn out". Sad

Happy36 · 04/08/2015 20:32

OP, you are correct. It´s rude and hurtful.

Theycallmemellowjello · 04/08/2015 20:34

Of course you're right, but I'm sure the lady just thought it was a bruise and was concerned. She was probably v embarrassed when she realised er mistar.

DoJo · 04/08/2015 20:35

It sounds like she was asking out of concern rather than actually being rude - I have a friend with a birthmark that looks like a bruise and people often ask how she managed to hurt herself the first time they notice it. She is probably mortified that she asked, but don't let her mistake make you feel self conscious.

molyholy · 04/08/2015 20:36

My mil says to me every time I see her without fail 'you look really tired'. It used to piss me off but now i find it funny and it is a running joke with me and my dh. Cheeky caaaaaaaa.

hazeyjane · 04/08/2015 20:36

Well I try to teach my dcs that unless you have something nice to say, you don't comment on people's appearance. They are 8 and 9 and seem to understand this concept, so YANBU

Salmotrutta · 04/08/2015 20:40

Sounds more like she thought you'd been injured or something - but still rude to pass remarks!

I only make complimentary remarks to people e.g "Nice outfit/like your haircut/love your shoes etc." and it is such bad manners to pass remarks about a physical characteristic or feature.

dodobookends · 04/08/2015 20:46

A friend of mine in her 50's is naturally extremely slim. Always has been - she's just made that way. People are always commenting about it, as in "Ooh you ARE thin aren't you?".

BettyCatKitten · 04/08/2015 20:49

Very rude.

Faye12345 · 04/08/2015 21:06

I used to get negative comments from a person who was blatantly jealous of me and my god she was no oil painting but I never made comments about her looks. It used to bother me but I know I'm ugly so I actually don't care x

goodasitgets · 04/08/2015 21:16

I have heat/heart rate/exercise induced urticaria. A guy pointed at me once and said "what the fuck is that on you?"
Just smiled and said swine flu. Never seen anyone shift so fast

DadfromUncle · 04/08/2015 21:16

YANBU I've had this all my life - mostly from women. Unsolicited and unwelcome derogatory comments about my clothes, hair, whatever.

Faye12345 · 04/08/2015 21:20

Some people are just bitchy end of. I try to remember the positive comments as I get a lot of them with a few bitchy pointless negatives thrown in by stupid people !

screenjunkie · 04/08/2015 21:20

I had eczema on my foot and the first day I dared to wear sandals I got asked across a room by a woman - what had I done to my foot?!

Meaning everyone then stared at my feet

Hmm Yeah thanks for that.

People are dicks. YANBU.

AmIthatsummery · 04/08/2015 21:26

YANBU, I've never understood why some people feel the need to pass remarks on others' appearance.

I had a night out spoiled on Saturday by some fucker interrupting a convo, asking if I was enjoying myself and then asking why I looked so miserable. Twat

The80sweregreat · 04/08/2015 21:30

Try to ignore. I know its hard.
Im sure other women think, look that unfashionable, fat person. But i dont care im not glossy! Its whats inside that matters.
Other women can be dicks sometimes.
Im sure your lovely. I wouldnt notice anything amiss.
[flowers tea]

Vatersay · 04/08/2015 21:31

I have a scar which is normally covered but can be seen in strappy dresses/swimsuits etc.

I have never understood why people feel the need to comment. It's perfectly obvious it's an old scar, yes I know it's not that pretty and no plastic surgery won't help.

DoJo · 04/08/2015 21:39

But this doesn't sound like a bitchy comment so much as someone who thought they were expressing concern about an injury. The OP says that the women in question is normally nice and 'sensible' so I would hazard a guess that her comment was rooted in concern for her health than trying to find fault with her physical appearance.

itsmeitscathy · 04/08/2015 21:54

Yes, it's odd. I have had people (correctly) identify a small scar that I have from a central line. it's rarely commented on but I find it rude and intrusive if people ask. I'd prefer they pretended not to see it and just tell people it's a bullet wound if they ask

so, YANBU

Original poster
TheHouseOnBellSt · 04/08/2015 21:58

Do they're obviously broken veins. they look nothing like an injury.

OP posts: