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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit [hmm] about DM deciding my DCs can have goldfish?

38 replies

ArsenalsPlayingAtHome · 29/07/2015 16:04

DM looked after my 3 youngest DCs today, for which I'm very grateful, of course!

She took them to the local fair, which is lovely of her. A great time was had by all.

When I went to collect them, they were beside themselves with excitement, and couldn't wait to show me the new goldfish that they'd won on one of the stalls!

We now have 3 goldfish, 3 little tanks, and I need to try and fit in a trip to town tomorrow to buy some fish food after work.

I really don't like fish. Actually, I don't dislike them, but I hate the idea of keeping them in tiny tanks, and cleaning them out makes me feel sick, even if I'm not the one doing it!

We've had fish in the past - when they are dying it's like something out of a horror film, they fold in half and float grotesquely on the surface of the water.

All of that is besides the point though.

AIBU to think that she should perhaps have checked beforehand, and in the event of not being able to check, just have said "No, I don't know if it'll be OK with your mum and/dad"?

OP posts:
GemmeFatale · 29/07/2015 16:07

I think the fish would like to live at grandma's house.

Missrubyring · 29/07/2015 16:08

YANBU.
Why don't you suggest they stay at your DM's??
And I totally agree with you about the dying fish issue, it's just grotesque.

FenellaFellorick · 29/07/2015 16:09

I agree with gemme

Original poster
ArsenalsPlayingAtHome · 29/07/2015 16:09

Forgot to mention that when I suggested the fish would love staying at Grandma's house, and that we could come and visit them often, my mum's face dropped and she said "Oh no, they don't want to live here, they want to live at your house!"

Also we are moving house in less than a week, and are currently packing up all our things in boxes. I pointed out that, what with the move and everything, maybe it would be easier if she looked after them for the week. That was a no-go too!

OP posts:
LurkingHusband · 29/07/2015 16:10

We've had fish in the past - when they are dying it's like something out of a horror film, they fold in half and float grotesquely on the surface of the water.

Are you sure they were dead ? I vaguely recall this being a symptom of a swim bladder issue ...

Plateofcrumbs · 29/07/2015 16:10

I didn't even know you could still win goldfish at the fair, seems like the sort of thing that should have been banned on the grounds of fish welfare

Original poster
ArsenalsPlayingAtHome · 29/07/2015 16:14

Thanks. I did wonder if I was just being a big old spoil sport, but it seems not, so far at least. Thank you for your very prompt replies Smile.

Eldest DD's face was a picture when she came home and they showed her. Then we had a few minutes out of ear shot recalling the horror of when her fish died last year. It still makes us shudder!

OP posts:
ProcrastinatorGeneral · 29/07/2015 16:16

Take them back to your mother. Her fuck up to fix, not yours.

Original poster
ArsenalsPlayingAtHome · 29/07/2015 16:16

Oh no LurkingHusband is it curable? What should I have done? Shock

OP posts:
Original poster
ArsenalsPlayingAtHome · 29/07/2015 16:19

Plateofcrumbs I know, it's sad, isn't it. The worst thing is, the fish were the booby prizes - some big cuddly toys were the actual top prizes.

My DCs wanted the fish any way though, but that's not the point is it? Imagine if you did want a cuddly, and you were handed a fish. It's hardly a cast iron guarantee that the fish is going to a good home, is it?

OP posts:
Happy36 · 29/07/2015 16:20

What a shame that the air / water / temperature / decibel level in your house makes it impossible to keep the fish there, whereas grandma's house is the perfect environment for them...

TheRealAmyLee · 29/07/2015 16:20

Totally UR for anyone to make a decision re any kind of pet for someone else. I would be livid.

Original poster
ArsenalsPlayingAtHome · 29/07/2015 16:23

ProcastrinatorGeneral I know. She's so easily offended though! She phoned up to apologise (sort of) about 10 minutes ago.

She said that I seemed a bit cross about the fish Shock. When I explained that I don't like fish as pets, and the timing couldn't be worse, her response was "Ohhh I can't get anything right, can I ?"

It's a bizarre way to respond to the situation, IMHO.

OP posts:
ProcrastinatorGeneral · 29/07/2015 16:25

I'd have replied with a cheerful "not your day I'm afraid, will you be in in ten so I can drop them off?" This sort of thing is just so rude it's unreal.

Christelle2207 · 29/07/2015 16:41

Suggest you read up on cycling tanks etc and forward articles to her. You have to cycle a tank for several days before you put fish in. Also goldfish need room to grow so a very large tank (and filter, pump etc) will be required at some point if they don't die. Very irresponsible of your dm. And of the fair.

Christelle2207 · 29/07/2015 16:44

Oh and when we moved house, moving the fish was by far the most stressful part of a horrendously stressful weekend. You should insist she looks after them until after that. Sadly there is a good chance they won't last very long unless they're very well looked after.

Eva50 · 29/07/2015 16:51

Our fish from the fairground lived for 9 years in a silly little glass bowl. Poor fish.

PurpleSwirl · 29/07/2015 16:55

YADNBU, no-one apart from parents to get to decide whether there are pets or not! She's soooo out of order it's unreal, I'd be fuming!
I wouldn't care whether she wanted them at her house or not. She'd be bloody having them and the fish would be living at the grandparents - kids could go visit the fish!
As an aside, I didn't know you could still get fish at the fairs. Thought they'd have ruled out that kind of thing years ago!

CruCru · 29/07/2015 17:01

Argh!!! This is just the thing I hate. Imposing pets on someone else's household.

GloGirl · 29/07/2015 17:09

I will never forget the injustice of winning a fish at the fayre and not being allowed to take it home Angry Angry

I will never forget and I will never forgive

Dynomite · 29/07/2015 17:19

When I was 7 my grandparents bought me 2 turtles!!! My mum's face was priceless Shock
I did love them though (and my mum took very good care of them Blush)

Petradreaming · 29/07/2015 17:20

Do you know anyone with a pond? They will live quite happily in a garden pond and grow quite big.

Topseyt · 29/07/2015 17:29

She let them get the fish, she keeps the fish at her house and the kids can visit them there.

Tell her "yes, you can get something right. You got the fish, I am happy for the kids to have them, but you keep them at your house".

I personally think that giving any kind of pet (it is usually goldfish) as a prize at fairgrounds is very irresponsible, and unfair on the fish.

Goldfish are carps (I think). Given a proper outdoor pond with netting as some protection from birds, cats etc. they can live very happily for a number of years and grow to a fair old size. I prefer to see them living like that, not in small glass bowls as living ornaments.

Hassled · 29/07/2015 17:33

Fish are a right pain in the arse to clean and maintain and all the rest of it. And they're really, really boring as pets go. You have to really love fish to get any sort of pleasure out of them.

I agree it's your mother's problem to solve. They go to hers while she comes up with a plan.

storytopper · 29/07/2015 17:58

We had goldfish - started with one from a fair and we ended up with two tanks full of them. They are quite greedy, dirty fish and always outgrow their tanks.

We eventually had them in an 8 ft pond in the garden - was nice to see them swim up and down and they grew to be quite big. We lost some in icy winters and then one year they were all wiped out by mink from the river. We filled the pond in.

Your DM has been quite thoughtless, especially as you are about to move house. She should really have them at her house for good and the very least she should do is watch them while you move.