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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel my dc need more friends

41 replies

inmyshoos · 24/07/2015 22:36

We live in a really rural place, have 3 dc 11/9/6. Term time is ok and they love their tiny school and the family atmosphere it provides. However every holiday they are all desperate to see friends and no one is around. Apart from 1 girl who lives nearby they could easily see no one from school all summer. They get fed up with each other and end up squabbling. I find the holidays so stressful trying to keep the 3 of them happy.

Aibu to think that this isnt really 'normal'. Been thinking about a move for a while but it is such a fab place for little children, safe and lots of freedom but the older two are getting harder and harder to entertain. They want company their own age. The 6yo is still young enough to enjoy pottering with me and playing in garden.

Aibu? Is this normal? I wish the holidays were full of friends playing out and day trips with friends etc. Feeling quite lonely and isolated Sad

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Original poster
inmyshoos · 24/07/2015 22:58

Ffs can't even get a response on mn!! Confused

I need Wine

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Nightstalker · 24/07/2015 22:59

11, 9, and 6 aren't that little and if it is really as bad as you say there then it may be in your best interest to move

ShipShapeAhoy · 24/07/2015 23:03

When I was younger I only really did stuff with family in holidays. My mum took us to parks and museums. It wasn't until I was a teenager that I did things with friends. Even then, summer holiday particularly i mostly spent time with just family. Can your older two not play out together? Have you got any support?

reddaisy · 24/07/2015 23:11

Move! I lived somewhere rural and isolated and I hated it as a child.

JeanSeberg · 24/07/2015 23:13

Could they not invite friends for sleepovers in turns? How far away does everyone else live?

Original poster
inmyshoos · 24/07/2015 23:39

nightstalker yes you are right, they are not so little anymore. Ds 11 is the most difficult. He wants company but the reality is in his tiny primary school he has 1 good friend who is 'busy' most of the time. Whilst i could probably arrange a get together for them once or twice in the holiday it wouldnt be anymore than that. I really want ds to have friends nearby who he can call for independantly.

shipshape we are 27 miles from nearest town/city. There is a small play park in a village 3 miles away but ds has no interest in being there with his 2 sisters. Even dd1 (9) has outgrown the park unless her friends from school happen to be there. We do day trips but again there are only so many things around here, most cost money we dont have. Ds is quite hard to please. Likes very specific things. He is very bright and quite intense. I think he is lacking stimulation. His teacher told me she can see he needs more and wishes he had another boy 'on his wave length' for company. Maybe we would have more luck with that in a bigger place.

red i am on rightmove constantly but it is a scary decision to make. The dc love their little school. I am terrified i make the wrong decision.

jean i would be more than happy to have friends for sleep overs but there are very few friends. The 1 girl who lives in walking distance is here often and sleeps over but that means dd1 has a friend here and ds and dd2 moan that they dont have anyone to play with! Although i prefer to have this than no one round. Id happily let them have sleepovers/friends come on trips etc with us.

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junebirthdaygirl · 24/07/2015 23:45

Lived in small village when kids small. Had cousins come to stay in the holidays and they went to their houses too.They went to sport activities as much as possible. But we moved when kids 13 11 and 8. Never looked back but they still talk about that little school and the life there.

Original poster
inmyshoos · 25/07/2015 00:01

june if my guys had cousins nearby that'd be great but their cousins are all much younger and live 200 miles and 400 miles away.
They do lots of sports stuff during term time but all stops for summer. There is stuff on in town but it would be a 50mile round trip each time. I know my guys love their wee school. My friend moved 2 years ago and her dd still talks so fondly of living here and loving school. This is probably why we have never moved! Did you mo e to a town? How much bigger was school? Did your dc settle ok?

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TheHouseOnBellSt · 25/07/2015 00:10

We live in an urban area but a combo of my DC friends all being in childcare over the hols and me not driving mean my DC hardly see their friends over the break. It's not unusual at all OP. You need to help them have fun and not over worry about this.

Lindy2 · 25/07/2015 00:12

Are there any holiday clubs you could book them on for a few days here and there? It might help them meet new friends too. I'm guessing that being very rural you might be very limited or not have any available near to you so sorry if its a daft suggestion. Round here they do things like science camp rather than just sporty ones, if that was an option that might interest your son.

Original poster
inmyshoos · 25/07/2015 00:15

house interesting you say that as a couple of familes have their dc in childcare/holiday club which makes meeting up with them difficult. I know I am over worrying about it but i find it so stressful every summer unless we are away. There is just very little to do here and when no one is around it is so bloody lonely. Dh and I thought itd be nice to have a bbq and ask folk over, then we were both like 'who would we ask?' Grin

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Original poster
inmyshoos · 25/07/2015 00:17

lindy science camp sounds just fab! Who runs that? Is it pricey?
There is a holiday club at the local nursery/childcare centre but my ds would hate it. It is mostly very yound children of families who are both working during hols.

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CamelHump · 25/07/2015 00:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
inmyshoos · 25/07/2015 09:46

We are looking camel but hard to leave an area that has good schools and we have a detached house with a big garden. In areas closer to a bigger city, if we want decent schools we will really have to take a step back housewise. Sad

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RoganJosh · 25/07/2015 09:50

What happens with high school where you are?

CamelHump · 25/07/2015 09:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
inmyshoos · 25/07/2015 09:52

High school is very good. Very small numbers, great pastoral care, 6 miles from us. Dc will travel on same school bus they go on now for primary school.

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Original poster
inmyshoos · 25/07/2015 09:58

If we moved camel we wouldnt move back. We would move to an area where if dc choose to go to uni they have the choice of several in commuting distance. Living here there is only one nearby and public transport is crap. Moving back would not be an option. I think the choice is move now or wait til dc through school then move. But with the second option how do you do that? Move when oldest finishes school or youngest? It is such a hard decision. Pre school life was much easier!!

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Original poster
inmyshoos · 25/07/2015 09:59

Pre school for dc I mean!! Clearly life for me pre school was very easy!!

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juneau · 25/07/2015 10:00

I would seriously consider moving, because this is only going to get worse as they get older. One friend for one of your DC nearby? That's not much fun for them, particularly if there isn't much else going on nearby.

As for holiday clubs, I live in the SE and it sounds like you might live in rural Scotland, so the costs won't be the same, but I spend about £30 per child per day for science or activity camps. If you've got three DC that's £90 a day, so not really a solution if money is tight!

We live in a small city with lots going on and good connections via road and train to other places. IMO its ideal and the best of all worlds.

CamelHump · 25/07/2015 10:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chchchchanging · 25/07/2015 10:05

I grew up in a rural area
Then I visited friends in Scotland and learned what rural truly was!
I honestly felt quite cut off and whilst I'm all for making own entertainment was surprised at total lack of engagement really- the opportunities which we had even living as I thought rurally were totally out of reach, eg even a weekly football or brownies session were out of question without 1 HR round trips
So I guess I'm saying you could move still be rural and enjoy a quieter than city setting but not be quite so cut off
Roughly where are you I'm guessing Welsh valleys?

Goshthatsspicy · 25/07/2015 10:06

I think it is very normal to panic in the school holidays.
There is still masses to make life great, if you live rurally.
Smaller class sizes, a nice top school are still the envy of many families.
As your children get older, they will find independence within your area.
I think the most difficult ages are between 8-13. Constantly wanting to meet friends, but it all involves youGrin
We had resigned ourselves to being a taxi for our eldest (16) but he pretty much quashed that, when he bought himself a moped!
Our younger two are ferried about.
Mind you, town people tend to do that nowadays aswell.

Flisspaps · 25/07/2015 10:06

DH commuted to uni from his parents house and wouldn't recommend it anyway - you miss out on the whole 'halls' experience and by the time you've bussed into town to meet everyone, you've missed half the fun.

Move now - your kids will probably love a new school just as much, and even if they don't then the opportunities for independence outside school and being able to go stuff with friends will make up for it!

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 25/07/2015 10:07

Is your eldest starting secondary in September? Will there be a bigger choice of friends there?

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