to feel my dc need more friends

[inmyshoos]

We live in a really rural place, have 3 dc 11/9/6. Term time is ok and they love their tiny school and the family atmosphere it provides. However every holiday they are all desperate to see friends and no one is around. Apart from 1 girl who lives nearby they could easily see no one from school all summer. They get fed up with each other and end up squabbling. I find the holidays so stressful trying to keep the 3 of them happy.

Aibu to think that this isnt really 'normal'. Been thinking about a move for a while but it is such a fab place for little children, safe and lots of freedom but the older two are getting harder and harder to entertain. They want company their own age. The 6yo is still young enough to enjoy pottering with me and playing in garden.

Aibu? Is this normal? I wish the holidays were full of friends playing out and day trips with friends etc. Feeling quite lonely and isolated

juneau yes rural Scotland, you'd make a good detective . You are right £30 a day per child would break the bank! There are activities in town here, cost up to £20 per day, mostly outdoor type things for ds like bushcraft/archery/mountain biking and sport/crafts inside for dds which are cheaper £3-£12ish. Thing is they are in town, 50 mile round trip and the cost of fuel adds dramatically to the cost. I wouldn't mind moving to the town here but dh feels if we move we should move closer to a big city, near Grandparents and more University/job opportunities.

We live in a very densely populated family area (over 300 households in our street of flats) and DC go to the local school. Most parents both work and DC are not "out" playing as they would have been 30 years ago.

However my 14 and 12 year old can safely take the 25 minute bus ride from the end of our road to the city centre.

I can drive to 6 different several acre parks within 20 minutes with play equipment, animals and a variety of outdoor environments to entertain me and the 3 year old. She usually makes fleeting friendships or bumps into someone she knows when we are out especially if the out of school club is there.

Our local town centre is walking distance and has a couple of World class free attractions and stages free public events at least once a month.

We don't have a garden and DC are rarely at a loose end.

I thought about moving back to the seaside town I am from but I would rather visit it than live there.

X-post. I am also in Scotland and as you can probably tell I agree with your DH.

Camel I am not counting on them going to uni, just want them to hsve that choice. Paying for them to live away might not be an option and whilst they could get student loans, living at home would be good if it were an option. I did for twonof my uni years and had my car.
chchchanging we are rural Scotland. Brownies and other sport clubs etc are on in village which is 7 miles away so not too bad but feel i am up and down that rd constantly.
gosh I do feel very lucky that we live in a 'nice' area and my dc are in a lovely school but there is a price to pay for that. It can be incredibly lonely here and quite claustraphobic. Everyone knows each other which is lovely in a way but socially it can be hard. It is good to know the panic is normal!! I don't mind being a taxi but i hate that nothing really happens spontaneously. I have to text the mothers and arrange 'playdates' and it is like everyone has a busy diary other than us. Those with family around esp.
flisspaps dh lived at home during uni and regrets it. I don't. It meant i could afford a car and tbh the friends i had at uni all lived at home too. I lived away for the last year and it was a total piss up great fun!
mumoftwo eldest starts secondary next year. There will be more choice of friends but tbh ds already knows pretty much everyone that will be in his year. Secondary is made up of three primary schools. Our school often teams up with the other small one for outings/sports day and ds plays for the bigger one (sport)

I would most definitely move even though your house and their school sound really lovely. When I was a teenager (we were aged 13,14 and 16) my parents moved to a very rural location. Nearest (unfriendly) village 3 miles away, same for irregular bus etc. My parents were reluctant to offer regular lifts. I was bored stiff until I could drive myself. I would bear live very rurally with dd now. Great for a week on holiday but day to day life is so much easier when your DC can walk to their mates or the shops/cinema etc. We live right in the middle of a small city now. It's brilliant. I hope you find somewhere lovely.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2432165-To-think-Dds-friends-age-9-are-a-dead-loss

I'm quite amazed at the responses you should immediately consider moving, as there was another thread just a day ago where someone was saying the same thing- and everyone said it was completely normal not to see school friends in the holidays, as people's children were in childcare, on holiday, away with relatives, back to their country of cultural origin or it turns out some people see the holidays as 'family time' and so don't arrange much stuff with others outside.

I wouldn't base your decision to move on that alone! My dds are lovely girls, but have both found it hard to find new friends in their city schools, they have lots of people to hang out with, but not truly good constant friends (or perhaps 8-11 year old girls are quite fickle) and there is a lot of make friends/break friends and shifting friendship groups. There are more options in busier places, Brownies/Guides, but unless you live on an estate, like we do, opportunities to play out are not necessary higher. Where we used to live, on a lovely road in a town, no-one ever played out.

I'm not saying don't think through moving, it sounds like you want to anyway, just to consider that holidays are funny times anyway and perhaps are difficult socially wherever you live. Our friends who are foreign pretty much all go to Spain/Italy/Poland or further away for the summer too and this may be more common in big cities.

I agree that you should move. No nearby friends for your DC or you doesn't sound healthy. When your children become teens, they need more than that very rural life can offer (unless you have loads of time and money, and are willing to be a taxi driver at all hours).

camel .... spooky... you either know me or have a sixth sense!! That is roughly where we have looked when considering a move! Because DH's work covers a huge area we have a massive choice of area. The problem is finding something in an area with good schools and a house we like. We have worked so hard on our house and it is in an idyllic location (for a holiday!)

Ok here are our requirements for those who like a challenge!!
We need 4 bedrooms (would consider something that could be extended or go up into attic if it was 'special'. Our current place was a wee run down 2 bed cottage now 4 bed!)
Quiet location preferably.
Detached. My dc are so used to being detached in the middle of no where so they are very bloody noisy! Not sure i want to inflict that on anyone. There is always gaffa tape if it was a realky fab house.....

Good schools. Ideally small primary under 100 pupils. Secondary has to be on my extensive list of 'good' schools
I really like the look of McLaren High in Callander although not sure about Callander itself!!
Can you see why we still here??

Ideally within an hour of Helensburgh as dh can work from an office there if need be.

Budget around 225k but might be able to stretch to 245k.

Have considered getting Kirstie and Phil onto it!!

if I were you, I would move. I would have hated to grow up in a place like that as an older child or a teenager. In fact, I grew up in the city but my parents had a holiday home in a place like you describe. We had to spend the holidays there. I grew to hare the place so much that even 30 years later, I cannot get myself to spend more than 2 nights there. I still resent my parents for it ( I know this is childish but I am just being honest)

I'm just going to chip in and agree rural living isn't the childhood idyll many people seem to think it is.

I hated it as a child. My family are nagging me to move back, much better growing up for the children than in a big city etc.

They have way more freedom, a social life, and activities on their doorstep in the city.

Thanks camel. Not sure we could adjust to living on an estate. Huge change for us.
We have never lived on an estate, maybe we'd love it. Anyone first time estate dwellers share their experience?

Right, so with Helensburgh in mind that includes Glasgow outskirts, which might suit you in terms of your DH's criteria (dh feels if we move we should move closer to a big city, near Grandparents and more University/job opportunities). I don't know that area of Scotland at all, so do you? Could you afford a 4-bed somewhere in the Clydebank/Bearsden area? I know Bearsden is considered nice and rather posh, but what about Clydebank?

Bearsden is a bit showy for us! Everyone drives bmw/mercedes!! Well not everyone

Clydebank is pretty rough in most places or was when I was living near Glasgow (20 years ago!! Suppose things could have changed!")

The areas we like not much comes up for sale. I know we should really just get ours sold because then we could act when one does come up but it is scary not kmowing exactly where we are going.