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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Have IBU re: interest in house

30 replies

bydaytisbright · 21/07/2015 23:17

Our house is on the market and we are looking round houses in a new city. We really liked a house we saw and the agent offered to put us in touch with the sellers. I agreed to be in touch with them but made it clear to the agent and the seller that we could not commit to anything yet as we haven't sold and don't have a buyer, but we were interested in discussing timelines - i.e., that IF we sold, we would be interested in making an offer on the seller's house. . I hoped at the time that meant i could just let them know that if we sold tomorrow, we'd like to buy their house.

DH, a sceptic, got cold feet about giving them any hope of buying their house without money in the bank from a sale this end, so after two weeks of agreeing to meet the sellers, told me to call the meeting off until further notice, which I did.

The sellers are now upset with me and feel used, even though I made it clear to them that we couldn't commit to anything until we sold our house.

Have IBU?

OP posts:
Unexpected · 21/07/2015 23:29

Why did you need to meet the sellers at this point? Surely the agent should be acting as intermediary and passing on any offers or expressions of interest? I would have thought the sellers would only want to meet after an offer has been accepted?

PurpleSwift · 21/07/2015 23:30

I don't think anyone has bu.

Original poster
bydaytisbright · 21/07/2015 23:33

unxpected The agent is one of these touchy feely agents who goes to drinks parties at the buyers and seller's houses and trusts the sellers to include him on all decisions made.

OP posts:
AgentProvocateur · 21/07/2015 23:40

Yes, YHBU. You'd made the arrangement to meet - why did you let your DH overrule you? It's presumably as much your house as it it is his.

PtolemysNeedle · 21/07/2015 23:46

Tbh, as a vendor I wouldn't be interested in meeting with you to hear that you might be interested in buying my house at some point in the future depending on other outside influences, I would consider that a waste if my time.

I'd be interested in any feedback you might have via the estate agents, if you had any to give, but as a be for you want offers, not meetings to discuss simple things that you could just tell my EA - that you like the house but you aren't in a position to put in an offer.

Morganly · 22/07/2015 00:39

Yeah, the BU bit was agreeing to a meeting when you weren't in a position to make an offer nor were likely to be so in the immediate future. They'd probably have been just as pissed off if you had met up and then told them that. You are/were wasting their time.

Original poster
bydaytisbright · 22/07/2015 00:55

So do you think it was the agent at fault? He was really pushing us to meet, despite what we said about our circumstances. I assumed that they may have some circumstance of their own (like they were prepared to drop the price dramatically or something making it affordable for is straightaway) which he couldn't tell us but hoped they'd tell us if we met.

OP posts:
RagstheInvincible · 22/07/2015 00:55

I don't think you were BU as the whole idea strikes me as pointless.

As a vendor I want an offer not a friendly chat about a possible offer. In our last 2 sales we never met the purchasers. Never saw the need to.

FruSirkaOla · 22/07/2015 06:50

Assuming you're in England or Wales, then I would say that, yes, the agent was at fault for suggesting it in the first place - and, actually, being a tad lazy - any feedback, negotiations and discussions should go through the agent, that's their job and what they, ultimately, get paid for. Although, TBH, you shouldn't have agreed to the meeting.

Once you're in a position to proceed and your offer has been formally accepted - then it could be OK for a vendor and purchaser to meet, although that isn't entirely necessary anyway.

(Obviously if you're in Scotland, or elsewhere in the world, it's possible that the property purchasing process might involve this sort of thing?)

saintlyjimjams · 22/07/2015 06:54

Estate agent sounds distinctly odd. Are you in Englad/Wales/Northern Ireland. And how do you know sellers are pissed off?

fastdaytears · 22/07/2015 07:03

Hmm I think it's unlikely that you'd have met and the sellers would have said don't worry about the asking price we'll take this. Even if they wanted to say that, no need to meet to do it.
The agent wanted you to meet so that you felt committed and went ahead with the purchase.

fourtothedozen · 22/07/2015 07:05

How strange to set up a meeting in the first place.
What could even be discussed? A waste of everyone's time.
Nothing to negotiate, No bargains or promises could be done.
You haven't sold- you don't know how long that mat be- the vendor may get another offer in the meantime, indeed you may find a better house by the time you sell.
A note of interest is the usual route.

This type of thing doesn't happen in Scotland either, where house purchases tend to be even more of a formal affair than in England.

MissPenelopeLumawoo2 · 22/07/2015 08:11

Meet the sellers? What for? This really is not usual practice. Are you in the UK?

LIZS · 22/07/2015 08:16

Why would you meet the seller, and discuss a hypothetical time line ? Sounds like a complete waste of everyone's time and energy and very odd. So am with your dh there. Having said that why go along with it initially. We never met our purchaser btw.

TheRealAmyLee · 22/07/2015 08:17

This just seems very odd tbh. Can't figure out if anyone is bu.

I never saw the buyers of my old house. I see no need. Estate agent did viewings and chased people. They also handled offers and negotiations. I really don't think I'd want to meet them.

Bizzarely I met socially the person who owned my house before me. She told me it was hers as she saw me outside when she went past and asked next time I saw her. I find it odd and I have to keep my mouth shut about the appauling DIY we found....

chairmeoh · 22/07/2015 08:21

How do you know the sellers are upset with you?
Surely all communication is through the EA, whose practices sound a bit unusual (if you are in UK).
Does it matter if sellers are upset with you?
I'd advise not house hunting until your own is at least under offer.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 22/07/2015 08:26

We've done this before - you make "an expression of interest" including an amount you are willing to buy for.

It means that the seller diesn't give up hope and take a vastly lower offer. Only works if no one has a fixed deadline but we got our current house this way.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 22/07/2015 08:27

I don't get the drinks parties thing though. I have no desire to spend my free time with my buyers, sellers or any estate agents.

fourtothedozen · 22/07/2015 08:31

Mumoftwo- yes I have done it too, register a note of interest, done through solicitors. If Gives the vendor an idea of the level of interest and keeps any potential buyer with up to date information- such as if another party is also interested.
It's usually not done with an offer in Scotland.
Here if we have a number of people interested then a "closing" date is set, all parties have to submit offers in secret, and all opened at the same time.
Once an offer is accepted it is legally binding, so no gazumping here.

scarlets · 22/07/2015 08:35

The estate agent sounds a little lazy to me. Getting the vendors' hopes up by sending you over there was pretty silly of him.

ghostyslovesheep · 22/07/2015 08:48

The agent sound very odd! I don't want to meet my buyers or sellers - that's why I have an agent - buying houses is business not a play date
Also as a seller I only wanted proceed able people viewing my house not people who might buy it one day if they had the money

And I'd never have a drinks party with my EE nice though she is

Raasay · 22/07/2015 08:56

They felt "used"? In what way? It's a business transaction not a relationship. What did they lose by a cancelled meeting?

(although I agree that the idea of the meeting is odd)

atticusclaw · 22/07/2015 09:00

I'm with the others/ Why on earth would you need to meet with the sellers? Its the agents job to communicate any offer. You don't discuss it directly.

Unless this isn't in England/Wales then its very odd.

InTheBox · 22/07/2015 09:10

I think they are being unreasonable to 'feel used.' Isn't this just like any other sort of business meeting that gets cancelled. It's not like you missed their wedding. Send them a grip.

CarrotVan · 22/07/2015 09:20

Very odd. Normally you just make an offer and tell them it's dependent on your house selling (called being in a chain). They can then accept in principle but keep marketing their house until you sell yours and you can firm up the deal, refuse your offer because you're not in a good position to buy, or accept and take the house off the market until you're able to complete the sale.

And you do all of if through the agent. The only time I met our seller was when we viewed because he did his own viewings