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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not provide meals for guests?

48 replies

Koalafications · 19/07/2015 13:00

DD is 6 weeks old and we have visitors arranged every weekend until mid September (I feel tired just thinking about that!)

I'm more than happy for people to come and see her, I just don't want to provide meals to everyone who comes. It's not just the time it takes to make a meal with a little baby it's also the expense of providing food for an extra 2-6 people every weekend.

DH thinks it's rude to have guests and not cook for them (he would be happy to do it, I would rather be helped with DD or tidied up).

I think tea/coffee and cakes is sufficient.

So IABU to not provide meals?

OP posts:
Bellebella · 19/07/2015 13:01

Arrange times for them to visit so they are not even there over meal times? Just keep it 1-3 or something?

Fatmomma99 · 19/07/2015 13:01

Not at all!

Nor are you obliged to have an open house. You can tell people to stay away if you need to!

Congrats on your baby Flowers

BeautifulBatman · 19/07/2015 13:02

Yanbu. Tea, coffee, cake, snacky things is just fine.

MissDemelzaCarne · 19/07/2015 13:02

Six weeks? YANBU

SirChenjin · 19/07/2015 13:02

Providing they're not staying overnight, then no, it's absolutely fine not to offer meals imo - just invite them for afternoon tea/coffee and cake.

museumum · 19/07/2015 13:03

Do you mean visitors staying over? Or just popping in?
I think it depends on timing. Visitors at 9:30am id give tea and maybe a snack Only. Same with 2/3pm.
Visitors at 12 or 1 really will expect lunch plans to be made and visitors at 6/7 dinner plans.

TheMoa · 19/07/2015 13:03

If they are staying for the weekend, then you must feed them!

Honestly, even if they are day guests, if you are eating anyway, it's no more effort to feed guests as well.

Expense is part and parcel of having guests. You could always visit them instead - babies are very portable.

AlpacaMyBags · 19/07/2015 13:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

itsmeitscathy · 19/07/2015 13:04

specifically invite for after lunch and mention the coffee and cake. cooking is unnecessary and I wouldn't think experected unless you specifically ask them for tea.

if you must have them for a meal make it a make your own lunch and put out sandwich fillers and bread or bps.

Littlef00t · 19/07/2015 13:05

When you say visitors, I presume not staying overnight? What time are they planning on coming round? With a newborn I would expect them to pop in for a couple of hours and not be expecting a meal. A guest who does is rude imo.

As a compromise I would suggest no meals unless unavoidable, but have some of those part baked baguettes in the freezer and some cheese or ham or something in. Make sure DH asks for help from visitors so it doesn't take up his time.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 19/07/2015 13:07

thre is a difference between 'visiting' and being a 'guest' IMO

visiting is just dropping in and tea and cake is fine. if they are guests actually staying over, then yes you ought to feed them - even if its a takeaway when they arrive and just breakfast and a light lunch the next day, depending how long they are staying.

But why you would book up visitors every weekend between now and then is beyond me! (and I dont have a baby!)

ImperialBlether · 19/07/2015 13:07

When you say they're coming every weekend, how long will they stay? If they're just coming for a couple of hours, just get some biscuits in and you're sorted. If they're all staying overnight, I think you're mad!

MissJoMarch · 19/07/2015 13:08

i think you're a bit crazy for blocking every weekend till September - real danger of getting resentful.

I agree that you need to specify 2-4pm to avoid meal time but if they come outside these times your going to have to provide food.

Perhaps arrange to meet a few people in local restaurant / pub? Doesn't have to be for every guest, maybe just those with large numbers

RachelRagged · 19/07/2015 13:08

Depends on if its visits of few hours, a day or whole weekends OP

LindyHemming · 19/07/2015 13:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Koalafications · 19/07/2015 13:14

So, to clarify things they are just coming over for a few hours in the afternoon. I would definitely provide meals to people who were staying over! Shock

OP posts:
PHANTOMnamechanger · 19/07/2015 13:15

see that's the right way Euph. Look after the new mum, don't impose and expect her to wait on you.
MIL and FIL came to stay with us for 4 days as soon as I was out of hospital with DD1 as they lived 300 miles from us. (not an easy birth, huge baby, big episiotomy and much swelling, plus I had needed a blood transfusion so was in hospital 6 days in all) They came with a shepherds pie and crumble, and bits for cooking over the next few days, and I was waited on. If theyd been the idle sort who wont even boil a kettle they would not have been allowed to come!

Original poster
Koalafications · 19/07/2015 13:16

DH has booked most of the weekends up, he's a bit of a social butterfly Hmm and loves having people over.

Me? Not so much...

OP posts:
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 19/07/2015 13:17

A few hours = tea/ coffee/wine and cake.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 19/07/2015 13:17

in that case of course YANBU why would they need a meal if its a few hours in the afternoon. If they have a long journey they can picnic on the way or get fish and chips on their way home.

RachelRagged · 19/07/2015 13:19

Then get DH to cater OP whilst you chat, relax and enjoy sharing your baby with friends Smile

PHANTOMnamechanger · 19/07/2015 13:19

you need to have a word with DH! it is not realistic to be doing that level of even 'mild' entertaining IMO when getting used to a new baby. Having guests is very wearing even if you love them.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 19/07/2015 13:19

Have one open house weekend and get them all together, provide one buffet lunch and have the other weekends free! :) :)

Sounds like your DH has not appreciated the hard work involved with a newborn.

ImperialBlether · 19/07/2015 13:19

Saturday needs to be your takeaway night, doesn't it? If people stay too long, they get handed the phone and a price list!

Original poster
Koalafications · 19/07/2015 13:20

To be fair to him, DH does most of the work. He cleans the house before guests come, would be happy to cook for them. And has done every night feed for the past 3 weeks... I can't complain! Grin

OP posts:
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