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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop my DD playing with this other girl?

41 replies

Kasterborous · 19/07/2015 12:30

I was at the park with my three year old DD. This other girl who is five was there too, DD usually plays with her when she is there. They play well together, then this other girl spat in my face when they were on the swings. In hindsight I think she was just being silly but I saw red. I told this girl it wasn't a nice thing to do and she was grinning at me so I told her it wasn't funny and said to DD to come away from her. This other girl sulked maybe I shouldn't have taken DD away.

OP posts:
WoonerismSpit · 19/07/2015 12:31

Where was the other girl's parents?!

I would be having strong words with them, for a start.

catzpyjamas · 19/07/2015 12:33

No, you did the right thing. That's a disgusting thing for anyone to do, even a small child, and you really don't want your DD to think that's acceptable behaviour.

CamelHump · 19/07/2015 12:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tequilashotfor1 · 19/07/2015 12:35

I would have done the same

Original poster
Kasterborous · 19/07/2015 12:38

Her parents are never with her, she goes on her own. I was firm when I told her off I didn't shout at her or swear or anything. It upset DD when I told her not to play with this girl.

OP posts:
Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 19/07/2015 12:38

I agree where were her in parent/s.
I certainly don't blame you in anyway from not wanting your dd to associate with this girl but with the best will in the world. You can't stop children playing together, unless you take her to a different park

NaiceHamSandwich · 19/07/2015 12:39

Disgusting. I was picking DD up from school last week and a little girl around the same age skipped past with her mum and just spat right at my feet, not purposely at me but I actually felt a bit of it hit the top of my foot as I was wearing sandals and I span round and congratulated her mum on her daughters lovely manners Blush I am the least confrontational person but spitting really does make me sick. She just looked at me like I had 2 heads and then carried on walking Hmm

I'd have taken her away too and no I wouldn't be encouraging them to play again.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 19/07/2015 12:40

Horrific?

Give over many 5 year olds may not be aware of the associations and conventions surrounding spitting.

Loads of them think it's just something funny. It is not their fault because they are only 5.

TinyManticore · 19/07/2015 12:41

I know neither is nice, but was this blowing a raspberry in her face or actually ejecting a mouthful of spit? Because I think one is more likely to be silly child behaviour and the other is outright disrespectful and nasty.

Original poster
Kasterborous · 19/07/2015 12:42

I'm the same I hate confrontation but I wasn't letting being spat at go.

OP posts:
MeowImaCatfish · 19/07/2015 12:43

Urgh. My 2yo ds is going through the 'raspberry phase'...learnt it off older children and now he Blows them in everyone's faces. I've had words with him a thousand times about it. But For a 5 year old (who should have knows better!!) to do it? Imho you were not being unreasonable and I would have told her parents (presuming you're friendly with them) unfortunately I think nowadays parents are that cautious about telling other peoples children off, the children in question think it's a joke sometimes :(

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 19/07/2015 12:44

ShockShockShock. She goes to the park on her own. She is a 5 year old baby. What are her parents thinking.
I don't mean to be judgemental here but if they can't be bothered accompanying her to the park. I don't imagine their parenting is second to none. Therefore my instincts tell me they wouldn't give a flying fuck

Original poster
Kasterborous · 19/07/2015 12:45

It was spitting rather than a raspberry. I think it was more she was just being silly. It was just my reaction to tell her it wasn't nice and when she smiled about it I just took DD away. If she's there again when we go I probably will let DD play with her again.

OP posts:
AlfAlf · 19/07/2015 12:45

YANBU for telling her off and moving away from her, but she's only five so I would be drawing alone under the incident and putting it in the past immediately. We have to teach children how to be kind by being kind.
Poor kid sounds neglected.

Rivercam · 19/07/2015 12:47

I think you did the right thing. By taking your daughter away, you are teaching her that her behaviour was not acceptable.

I would still allow them to play together in the future, providing she behaves.

Fatmomma99 · 19/07/2015 12:49

This sounds very sad for the little girl.

Don't blame you for being horrified though.

Yes to letting them play together next time. You've given your DD a strong and good message about what is and isn't acceptable.

CamelHump · 19/07/2015 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Kasterborous · 19/07/2015 12:50

That's why I felt a bit bad afterwards Alf she doesn't seem a bad kid by any means and she does play really nicely with DD usually. I won't stop them playing together again. I can't hold a grudge against a five year old. I would hope if DD behaved like that someone would tell her off.

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 19/07/2015 12:53

I think you handled it fine but are now in danger of layering far too much intent and malice upon a five year old.

The spitting and smiling are not great but firstly she may have no idea how badly spitting is viewed. And her smiling could be a misunderstanding - she could have thought it was all a big joke or she may have smiled out of nerves.

She's five. She is capeable of being naughty but she is unlikely to be the devil.

Just keep an eye.

Littlef00t · 19/07/2015 12:53

I think you've got it spot on. It's serious bad behaviour even if she's too immature to have sufficient self control she needs to know the consequences.

Play with her next time, all forgiven, but if she ever does something similar walking away is effective and short term consequences.

ChipsOnChips · 19/07/2015 12:57

Jeez that is depressing - if it was actual spitting, rather than raspberry blowing, God only knows how/where she has seen that demonstrated as an act of aggression

PtolemysNeedle · 19/07/2015 12:58

I think you did the right thing, and you're right not to stop your dd playing with her again. You can explain to your dd why you were so cross, because what the girl did was rude, disrespectful and dirty, and that is why you didn't want her to play with her that day.

Original poster
Kasterborous · 19/07/2015 13:20

Sensible advice pagwatch I certainly don't mean any malice towards the little girl and don't want to vilify her.

OP posts:
FaffingtonBear · 19/07/2015 14:12

SockAmnesty - even if she did think it was something funny, give the reaction from the OP then she soon would have learnt it wasn't acceptable ! I would have done the same thing !

mikado1 · 19/07/2015 14:47

I would have done the same but you can't assume smiling was as cheeky as it looks-it might be a nervous reaction. Also a pp said 'where did she learn that?' I would have agree until I heard, just the other day, of a friend's 3yo dd spitting in her face in an angry response to newborn in the house-it's not necessarily learned. It is however very odd in a 5yo and I would do as others said-allow your dd to play but be ready to jump in.