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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not care about wedding reception arrangements

45 replies

Ludoole · 05/07/2015 18:25

Dp and i get married in just over 3 weeks. Simple register office with a small buffet reception in a local pub.
My dm wants to know what food is being provided, how the table will be set, what entertainment/music will there be Confused I dont care about any of these things and have asked the pub to just do a general buffet.
I dont see the point in 'dressing' the room as we are only planning to be there for a couple of hours. (Dp is terminally ill and tires easily)
M
Dm thinks iabu, i dont... Thoughts?

OP posts:
confusedandemployed · 05/07/2015 18:26

No YANBU. It's your wedding, you can do what you like.

I hope you have a lovely day Flowers

FunnyCatVideo · 05/07/2015 18:27

What confused says. Yanbu. Hope you have a great day!

OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 05/07/2015 18:31

It's your & your DP's day, YANBU. For what it's worth, I'd be with you in not minding at all.

DorotheaHomeAlone · 05/07/2015 18:33

She's being unreasonable. Do it exactly how you want it and don't waste time that could be better spent with your DP. Wedding planning is a faff that you can understandably do without.

Anon4Now2015 · 05/07/2015 18:33

No YANBU

Just tell her you want to surprise her!

Wishful80sMontage · 05/07/2015 18:35

Your and dp's day your choice. I'm sorry to hear about your DP op hope you have a wonderful wedding day Flowers

Tryharder · 05/07/2015 18:35

If I ever get married again (unlikely) I will do as you are doing.

I can't bear the idea of project managing a big, staged wedding. A buffet in a pub sounds fantastic.

OwlinaTree · 05/07/2015 18:39

Tell her to contact the pub for more details. If it matters to her but not you let her sort it with them herself. I hope you have a lovely day.

ASettlerOfCatan · 05/07/2015 18:43

YADNBU. Don't even worry about it. We did a random buffet. Literally hired a room left my dad in charge of a buffet and a friend brought music. We loved it. I didn't care a jot about food as long as there was some.

Hope your day goes well and you and your dp have as much time together as possible. The marriage is the important part!

GloGirl · 05/07/2015 18:45

Yy to telling her to contact the pub. She can fuss with them.

Fibbertigibbet · 05/07/2015 18:49

YANBU. I hope you and your DP have a lovely day and enjoy yourselves

Jewels234 · 05/07/2015 18:49

YANBU. It's your day.

Leeds2 · 05/07/2015 18:58

Any chance that she wants to decorate the room herself, as a sort of wedding contribution?

BrianButterfield · 05/07/2015 18:59

Maybe your mum is worried that you'll regret not paying attention to these things later on? With your DP being ill it's natural you just care about the actual wedding but perhaps she doesn't want you to miss out on a wedding and is seeing you would really like a bit more fuss made?

Kundry · 05/07/2015 19:07

Tell her to ask the pub but make sure the pub knows not to change anything on her say so!

steppedonlego · 05/07/2015 19:07

Perhaps she's angling to decorate the room herself so she feels like she's contributing in some way. Perhaps mention that you haven't got the time/money to worry about it and see what she says?

sooperdooper · 05/07/2015 19:11

She's just showing an interest, no harm done :) I think often people just ask these kind of things about a wedding because some people are very concerned about them - but maybe like people say she'd like to contribute to decorations etc? I would tell her what you've arranged and that you're not really bothered about anything more but if she did want to do anything then to arrange direct with the venue? ( if, of course you're happy for her to do that)

LondonLady29 · 05/07/2015 19:14

YANBU. Your wedding, your choice. Understandable your DM would ask those questions though, just say you've decided to keep it simple. Have a wonderful day sorry to hear about your DP. X

Original poster
Ludoole · 05/07/2015 19:22

Thanks all Smile
Id be happy to have the ceremony and go home in all honesty. Im moving in with him the week before so its rushed anyway. Dm is on holiday the week im moving with my db and ds's so i shall be run off my feet with the move and dp's chemo treatment.

Ive just been blunt with her and told her i cant be worrying about reception issues when im just hoping dp makes it to the day!! Hes doing ok, but infection is a massive risk and he looks like hes going to drop some days...Sad
I am determined to enjoy the day regardless. After all its not the wedding thats important, its the marriage Smile

OP posts:
nilbyname · 05/07/2015 19:27

You're totally within your rights to not give a toss about that stuff!

I hope you have a really lovely day, and your mil contact the pub and she gets to take some small elements of control.

I say this with nothing but kindness. But perhaps your mil is latching on to these little details in the face of the trauma of facing down the illness of her son.

Flowers
ImperialBlether · 05/07/2015 19:32

Tell her to back right off! I hope you have a lovely day. I'm so sorry to hear about your poor man. Wishing him all the best.

Flowers
FeelingSmurfy · 05/07/2015 19:34

In the years to come you won't look back and regret not spending time on planning every detail, you will look back and regret not spending that time with your partner

Whatever you choose someone always has a problem with it anyway, less time you have spent on it the less the moaners get to you!

HermioneWeasley · 05/07/2015 19:34

Agree, it's massively unimportant. Have a lovely day with your DP

TheCatsMother99 · 05/07/2015 19:37

YANBU.

I think it sounds great to be honest, it sounds all about the fact you're getting married & that's the important thing (and the whole point).

I hope you both have an amazing day and your DP/DH doesn't find the day too tireing. Sending you all my best wishes.

IUseAnyName · 05/07/2015 19:37

Its reasons like this why we had ours in secret!.... Yadnbu. Have fun :)