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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not care about wedding reception arrangements

45 replies

Ludoole · 05/07/2015 18:25

Dp and i get married in just over 3 weeks. Simple register office with a small buffet reception in a local pub.
My dm wants to know what food is being provided, how the table will be set, what entertainment/music will there be I dont care about any of these things and have asked the pub to just do a general buffet.
I dont see the point in 'dressing' the room as we are only planning to be there for a couple of hours. (Dp is terminally ill and tires easily)
M
Dm thinks iabu, i dont... Thoughts?

OP posts:

PurpleSwift · 05/07/2015 19:39

YANBU. I was like this. So MIL waded in and did it herself. It was beautiful mind and i'm now very grateful

CrystalCove · 05/07/2015 19:40

Yanbu. I love planning stuff and I'm the opposite regarding this but it's you and your DPs day, the must important thing us to have what you both want. Have a lovely day

Original poster

Ludoole · 05/07/2015 19:41

Nilby It is MY dm who is fussing. Dp's parents have both passed away.

OP posts:

Nolim · 05/07/2015 19:43

Yanbu

Blu · 05/07/2015 19:43

Maybe she's confused, and she has always imagined 'planning the wedding' and can't get her head around the fact that in the great scheme of things, in your life, your wedding, the arrangement of the sausage rolls is the last thing on your mind.

When I was young ALL weddings consisted of a buffet in the pub, he church hall, or if you were very posh, a marquee on your lawn. But still a buffet, and often made by relatives and neighbours.

Best wishes to you both.

Imachocolateportal · 05/07/2015 19:46

Yanbu .... DP and I are getting married in just under three weeks and have gone for the simplest ceremony only. We are having immediate family only (nearly just did it in secret), with no reception or anything.

We have heard countless times from people (Even those not attending the wedding) about you should really do something after, have a cake, do this do that. However it is our day and we are doing it our way.

Imachocolateportal · 05/07/2015 19:46

And good luck with the wedding! Hope you have a lovely day.

nilbyname · 05/07/2015 19:48

oh ffs, I am so so sorry. What a massive idiot!

In which case, tell your dm to do one!

HaleMary · 05/07/2015 19:59

YANBU in the least. It was in part because of avoiding this kind of table napkin nonsense that we rocked up at a registry office with two witnesses, and not a ring, bouquet or wedding-y item of clothing between us. My mother would have fussed over every last detail because of 'what people would think'.

Congratulations in advance, and very best wishes for your fiance's health.

ImperialBlether · 05/07/2015 20:01

Are you not living together now, OP? I've read about your poor partner on here and really felt for you all.

Penguinandminipenguin · 05/07/2015 20:04

YANBU - Hope you have a wonderful day

FryOneFatManic · 05/07/2015 20:11

OP, Hope your wedding goes off well, and your DP is able to enjoy it without tiring too much.

I don't think you'll regret spending the time with your DP, instead of worrying about the finer details of the wedding, as your DM seems to want.

Penfold007 · 05/07/2015 20:15

All that matters is you and DP want to get married. Enjoy your day.

Donatellalymanmoss · 05/07/2015 20:16

I'm sorry that your DF isn't well, I hope he gets to enjoy the day.

I do think that you're being a bit unreasonable though, whilst I totally get the not wanting to have a big wedding and a big fuss, surely with any party you put a bit of thought into the detail of the event, if you really don't want to then don't have a party or get someone like your mother to do it for you.

Ashbeeee · 05/07/2015 20:23

I think your plans sound lovely and perfect. I'm a sucker for a buffet, love a good pub, and even bigger sucker for a wedding of people I love and care for. It's a day all about you two and no one else., even a well-meaning mother.
If you do one thing (other than the deed itself) do make sure that someone takes a few decent photos of you. They are so lovely to look back on.

Have a fabulous day. Be happy together

Original poster

Ludoole · 05/07/2015 20:30

Imperial No we aren't living together yet as the house has been a building site upstairs and there was no where for my ds's. He got ill so work had to stop for a while. Thats all sorted now though. I do spend some nights there (when ds's are at their dads).
Thanks everyone for the lovely messages

OP posts:

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 05/07/2015 20:39

YANBU.

I agree with a previous poster that potentially you could let your mum sort it out. Depends on whether you trust her judgement.

AdeleDazeem · 05/07/2015 21:08

Yanbu at all. Your plans sound lovely. Wishing you both a great day and the best possible health too.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 05/07/2015 21:08

Who needs fripperies when there's love?

Have the day you both want. If family can't get their head around that then they need to keep that to themselves.

Jellyrain · 05/07/2015 22:01

Hopefully your dm is doing it because it's the only nice thing she can help/ ease burden from you in a desperate situation. If that's the case, let her crack on and you'll appreciate her effort on the day.

If you feel it comes from an inconsiderate place then you would be more than entitled to put your foot down.

So sorry your df is going through this, I hope you both have a day you will cherish xxx

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