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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be hurt / disappointed?

43 replies

mamaduckbone · 02/07/2015 19:59

I'm having a get together on Saturday for a 'big' birthday - quite casual, a picnic at local country park with cake and fizz. Invitations went out via text and Fbook a good couple of months ago.

So, all close family and quite a few friends are able to come...quite a few can't but it's a busy time of year and that's fine.

However, my oldest school friend, who lives locally, who I'm in fairly regular contact with (meet ups a few times a year, buy for each other's Dcs birthdays) and who is kind of like one of the family, has only just replied 2 days before to say she won't be coming. I've sent 2 or 3 texts chasing since she was the only person who hadn't responded and I finally texted today to ask if everything was ok since I still hadn't heard anything. AIBU to be pissed off that she clearly doesn't value our friendship enough to a) be there and b) bother to let me know?

I'm really bad at confrontation but really do feel like I need to say something about this. Should I? If so, what?

OP posts:

Fatmomma99 · 02/07/2015 20:01

Maybe something's going on in her life?

Hope you enjoy your party, and congrats

ghostyslovesheep · 02/07/2015 20:02

she may have a good reason - she may not be okay - she may not want to go into detail with you

you are jumping to conclusions

enjoy your birthday and leave it for now

flora717 · 02/07/2015 20:02

With a mandatory rsvp it doesn't sound 'casual'. It's a shame, but surely as an old friend you respect she has her reason (s).

itsmeitscathy · 02/07/2015 20:03

YANBU but she may have known and been worrying about telling you she couldn't make it. or waiting to see how things pan out.

Enjoy your party, it sounds loveky

LindyHemming · 02/07/2015 20:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 02/07/2015 20:06

Maybe its not all about you?

kissmethere · 02/07/2015 20:07

Why isn't she able to come?

OrangeVase · 02/07/2015 20:07

If she is an old friend who lives locally why haven't you called and chatted about things before now? Ring now and ask her how she is. Say that you are sorry she can't make the picnic but maybe you two can get together at a later time. Everyone has stuff to deal with and they need friends to be understanding.

BitOutOfPractice · 02/07/2015 20:10

Yes, sorry YABU. Attendance isn't compulsory I assume. And you don't know she's not coming because she doesn't value your friendship. Sheesh you sound like hard work. There are 606 reasons why she might not be able to come

In fact, is this a reverse?

Bakeoffcake · 02/07/2015 20:19

If she's a good forms why haven't you just spoken to her about it? What reason and she given?

Duckdeamon · 02/07/2015 20:23

Yabu.

karbonfootprint · 02/07/2015 20:27

YABU - maybe something else has cropped up, or she just doesn't feel like it. I hate that sort of event myself, even if I love the friend who's birthday it is.

Original poster

mamaduckbone · 02/07/2015 20:49

No this isn't a reverse and no I'm not hard work because despite the fact that this same friend regularly cancels on me, completely forgot mine and ds2's birthday last year, cancelled our last meet up because she'd gone for a drink at lunchtime and was too hammered to make it and seldom returns my messages even though I try to arrange dates to meet up, I've never said a word. I spent my 18th, 21st and 30th birthdays with this person so didn't think IWBU to be sad and disappointed on this occasion. Clearly I'm wrong?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 02/07/2015 20:53

Does nobody talk any more??

I don't understand sitting there waiting for a text reply, when you can simply pick up the phone and ask if everything's ok and if she's coming to the picnic.

It's silly.

Evabeaversprotege · 02/07/2015 20:53

She's just not that into you by the sounds of it....

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 02/07/2015 20:55

She lives locally but you only see each other a few times a year, she forgets your birthday, cancels a lot and seldom returns messages....she's just not that into you. Time to move on.

Joolsy · 02/07/2015 20:57

She sounds v unreliable, so you shouldn't really be surprised at her lack of reply until now.

But FWIW I don't think you are BU. It would really annoy me too but I'd be thinking long & hard about this friendship...

Original poster

mamaduckbone · 02/07/2015 21:02

Ok. Thanks. I have been spectacularly put in my place. Will phone and see if she is ok and maybe arrange another time to go out or maybe not since she is clearly 'not that into me'.

Time to go now, since all the frankly unpleasant responses on here have been more upsetting than the original issue. Do you people realise you are talking to actual humans? I know it's AIBU but still...

Thanks fatmomma and cathy - I'm sure it will be a lovely day.

OP posts:

barbecue · 02/07/2015 21:03

If she's a good friend, can you ask her why she cancels regularly and has trouble with returning your messages? There could be various reasons.

Original poster

mamaduckbone · 02/07/2015 21:04

And thanks Joolsy. The friendship has drifted over the past 5 years or so really, but we've still always been there for the 'big' things - weddings, christenings, divorces, funerals ...

OP posts:

Momagain1 · 02/07/2015 21:06

She is totally flakey about events, period. I cant see why you invited her at all, much less the use in getting all keyed up about her flaking out, AGAIN.

LapsedTwentysomething · 02/07/2015 21:11

YANBU OP, and yes as usual at the moment some responses on here are unnecessarily unpleasant.

She isn't your best friend. Good friends don't behave like that.

sliceofsoup · 02/07/2015 21:16

I think she is making things very very clear OP.

YANBU to be sad about this, but you really need to take a long hard look at the "friendship."

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 02/07/2015 21:16

Wow, you're touchy. This is quite kind for aibu, can't see what you have to complain about at all.

Original poster

mamaduckbone · 02/07/2015 21:17

Thank you. I wasn't quite expecting the level of vitriol. No, she isn't my best friend and hasn't been since we were in our teens but we do have a lot of history. That's what hurts. I'm perhaps overly nostalgic ATM - not really liking this particular milestone very much!

OP posts:

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