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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being a jealous, middle aged frump?

48 replies

winkywinkola · 01/07/2015 11:00

My lodger is 33, skinny as a pole, very tall, very nice. I like her a lot.

But, she comes down to the breakfast table each morning in the smallest, crotch skimming nightdress. It is like a long vest. Sits at the table, chatting away.

I don't think it's appropriate. But then I got to thinking I'm ten years older, 10lbs overweight at 6ft myself, harried with four dcs and an h. Perhaps I don't think it's appropriate because I couldn't get away with it.

I don't think I'm jealous though really but why is it inappropriate then? Maybe it isn't.

OP posts:
Molotov · 01/07/2015 11:06

The salient question here is: does your lodger wear underpants?

TBH, I'd prefer her to put some shorts/joggers/dressing gown/pants? if she was my lodger.

Molotov · 01/07/2015 11:07

And how tall is tall? It's going to be short on her if she's 5'10+. I'd still want the joggers on, regardless.

jackstini · 01/07/2015 11:07

Depends who else is there - is your DH & how old are the DC?

Original poster
winkywinkola · 01/07/2015 11:08

Well, I've not looked to see if she's wearing underpants tbh. She must be, right?

I think her attitude is that she has a fantastic body and why shouldn't she wear what she wants at home.

OP posts:
whois · 01/07/2015 11:08

Can you see her bum cheeks? Or anything else?

If not I don't really think you can complain too much, kinda meant to be her home too isn't it.

Original poster
winkywinkola · 01/07/2015 11:09

She's 6ft. My dcs are 10, 8, 5 and 2. And h is around. And they're often chatting away at the table whilst I go off on the school run.

OP posts:
Molotov · 01/07/2015 11:11

Do you trust your husband, OP?

Original poster
winkywinkola · 01/07/2015 11:11

No. You can't see her bum.

OP posts:
NoImSpartacus · 01/07/2015 11:12

Not appropriate w/ your kids and DH around, and I'm not prude, you would think she would have more self awareness. BTW I'm 41 and have a good bod but I wouldn't do this, it's just weird really, like being a bit clueless.

Original poster
winkywinkola · 01/07/2015 11:12

I really don't think he's up for shagging the lodger! Although I'm not sure I can look away from her endless thin legs myself! And no, I don't fancy her.

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 01/07/2015 11:12

No, I don't think YABU.

Is it her home? Lodgers rent a (their) room in somebody else's house. You're not flat mates, and you're certainly not family. One can be too relaxed when you're living with strangers.

Buy her a nice big pair of flannel PJs next time you're in BHS and leave them on her bed.

Molotov · 01/07/2015 11:13

To be honest, unless the lodger was part of my immediate family (which in this case, she isn't), I'd also prefer her to wear some sort of thing to cover her butt and upper thighs. It's decency and respect for people you live with, right? Sure, she might have a fab body, but it ain't the beach. It's breakfast at the family table.

The80sweregreat · 01/07/2015 11:15

Agree with saucy. Buy a long dressing gown, pjs and leave them in her room. She may get te hint!

Hullygully · 01/07/2015 11:17

Not appropriate.

Just the fact it makes you uncomfortable makes it not appropriate even if she weren't half naked.

flora717 · 01/07/2015 11:20

Perhaps you should figure out a way to feel more comfortable in your own house. I am overweight but not put off wearing my nightdress around my own home. It's a shame you don't. It's your home!

Postchildrenpregranny · 01/07/2015 11:21

Have been told off by DDs for wandering round house in my (knee length T shirt type) nightie when boyfriends staying . No I dont wear pants . But I am not 33 and gorgeous either . I meekly don dressing gown.
Perhaps you could request nicely that next time she buys nightwear she could get it a bit longer?

Penfolds5 · 01/07/2015 11:26

Hmm... YANBU to feel uncomfortable. And yes, you quite possibly feel threatened by it on some level even if you know really that it's not a threat. I recognise the feeling from when I find myself (unreasonably, IMHO) bristling slightly at some of the things the undergrads around here wear. My (very minor) problem, not theirs.

But I sort of think you'd be unreasonable to ask her to change it. Her home, her body, etc...

nigelslaterfan · 01/07/2015 11:32

I think you have to pick different lodgers next time!

Or if she's worth keeping, make an effort to have everyone all be dressed at the table so she feels the etiquette of being dressed like she's at the pool is odd and she puts some clothes on.

Molotov · 01/07/2015 11:33

I would just politely ask if she would mind wearing something that covers her lower body properly, particularly when the family are all together. Jammies and a dressing gown on the bed could offend, so I'd be like Roy Walker and just say what I see.

Original poster
winkywinkola · 01/07/2015 11:37

We are all dressed at the table. She's the only one. She knows she's hot. She tells me she's a catch a lot.

OP posts:
Penfolds5 · 01/07/2015 11:41

If you're all dressed, then that gives you the option of saying you have a "house policy" of being dressed for breakfast, then, which I think sounds a bit better.

She sounds interesting - who on earth goes about telling their landlords what a catch they are all the time?! Grin

nigelslaterfan · 01/07/2015 11:43

Well that's inappropriate if you're all dressed, I would say it's about setting an example to the kids, would she mind being dressed around the house?

I would be clear about that. I would be mighty pissed off if she were in my house with my dh waggling her ass in his face. It's just unnecessary and slightly disrespectful.

Original poster
winkywinkola · 01/07/2015 11:47

Well she talks to me a lot about trying to get a boyfriend. And she has high standards.

OP posts:
Molotov · 01/07/2015 11:51

She sounds arrogant, Winky. A bit of a dick, if I'm honest.

Honesty is the best policy here.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 01/07/2015 11:55

I don't think you can dictate how someone else dresses. How is showing a bit of thigh setting a bad example to children? It's just a body FFS.

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