Am I being a jealous, middle aged frump?

[winkywinkola]

My lodger is 33, skinny as a pole, very tall, very nice. I like her a lot.

But, she comes down to the breakfast table each morning in the smallest, crotch skimming nightdress. It is like a long vest. Sits at the table, chatting away.

I don't think it's appropriate. But then I got to thinking I'm ten years older, 10lbs overweight at 6ft myself, harried with four dcs and an h. Perhaps I don't think it's appropriate because I couldn't get away with it.

I don't think I'm jealous though really but why is it inappropriate then? Maybe it isn't.

[WhirlpoolGalaxyM51]

Are you talking like a t-shirt or cotton type job? Or is it a babydoll type nightie with pink bows all over it and a plunging neckline or something?

If she is dressing in "sexy" nightwear then yes that is a bit weird.

If it's a normal item of clothing then "it's just legs" is still my response.

[WhirlpoolGalaxyM51]

If you don't know whether she's got knickers on or not then it's not too short. IMO.

It's just some legs.

[Gabilan]

So inconsequential I had to say it twice

[Gabilan]

"she's renting a room isn't she? Is that what lodgers do?"

Lodgers do need access to some shared areas - definitely kitchen and probably bathroom unless they have an en suite. Is she supposed to make breakfast and scuttle back to her room? Or have her meal at the table but at different times to the family?

OP, I get why it makes you uncomfortable but I'm also uncomfortable with telling women to cover up, for whatever reason. I'd wait a week or two until it's cold. First sign of autumn and it'll be too cold in most British houses to wear anything other than snuggly PJs and dressing gowns. (And if you're somewhere really warm, unreasonable to expect people to swelter away in said garments).

[TheHouseOnBellSt]

Meh. Doesn't bother me. My DH is from a hot country so when we stay there, all the gorgeous young things and the not so gorgeous old things are dressed in very little.....22 year old girls draping around in shorts up their arses....you just gotta deal with it. If your DH is pervy then it's HIS issue and yours by default...but if not...then what's the problem?

[penguinsaresmall]

Yeah, share and share alike threebean. How are do you go with that one though? Maybe like Charley I've been reading too many novels

[RepeatAdNauseum]

I'm in shorts today. You can see my thighs.

There's no guarantee that if OP's lodger got dressed, she'd be more covered up. She could wear a short dress or shorts.

[Gabilan]

"she's renting a room isn't she? Is that what lodgers do?"

Lodgers do need access to some shared areas - definitely kitchen and probably bathroom unless they have an en suite. Is she supposed to make breakfast and scuttle back to her room? Or have her meal at the table but at different times to the family?

OP, I get why it makes you uncomfortable but I'm also uncomfortable with telling women to cover up, for whatever reason. I'd wait a week or two until it's cold. First sign of autumn and it'll be too cold in most British houses to wear anything other than snuggly PJs and dressing gowns. (And if you're somewhere really warm, unreasonable to expect people to swelter away in said garments).

[QuiteLikely5]

Next time don't rent to anyone younger, slimmer and better looking!

Don't say anything bout her clothing. You will look foolish.

I certainly wouldn't wear that sort of clothing in front of another family.

My own yes.

Well you have the measure of her.

[ThreeBeanRap]

If all you can see is her legs, I can't really see the problem. It is her home as well.

[windchime]

When the warm weather has passed you need to make the kitchen as cold as possible so she feels compelled to dress warmer!

[Charley50]

I don't think I'd have a hot, young, attractive lodger living in my house with my husband (if I had one) because I read too any novels and used to watch too many soaps to not feel paranoid about it. I realize that is my own insecurity but I just wouldn't like the uncomfortable feelings I know I'd have.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Agree totally with nigelslaterfan, why would you not follow the 'when in Rome' convention. It's her home but it's also OP's home - and house.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

I understand why you feel the way you do, OP. I would just say, "Look, nice lodger, my kids have started commenting and I'd rather they didn't. Could you please cover up a bit at breakfast?". Maybe say it to your husband first and then say it in front of him to her?

She may not be actively after your husband but I think she's rather enjoying the interest/admiration, particularly in light of what you say about her self-proclaimed "being a catch". If she's that 'hot' then she doesn't need to cut her teeth on your husband because it's not appropriate.

[PoppyBlossom]

I don't see what she's doing wrong, you can't see her underwear, so all that's on show is her legs? Meh, its hot outside, let her wear her pyjamas at breakfast.

[Penfolds5]

winky, in your position I think I'd ask myself how miserable it's actually making you. And perhaps ask your DH if it bothers him at all. Then if you decide it's not actually that bad, you can just wait it out and see if it changes over time. But if it really bothers you and is making you miserable, maybe make up a couple of "house policies" and accept that, yes, she might think you're a bit insecure, but we're all human after all, and a bit of insecurity is natural . And if she really doesn't like the policies, she can find somewhere else to live. That way it's her decision.

[NoImSpartacus]

"I'm a bit of a catch"

what a knob ! haha

[penguinsaresmall]

Well I've never had a lodger, but I wouldn't feel comfortable with another (non-related) woman wandering around in my house half naked. It just seems too over-familiar and a bit disrespectful of your home & family IMO. Nobody wants to be risking getting flashed by somebody's manky fanny whilst trying to eat their breakfast anyway I wouldn't have thought... is she a bit dim?

And why does a lodger need to sit with your family for breakfast anyway? She's not part of the family; she's renting a room isn't she? Is that what lodgers do?

[Penfolds5]

If "respect your host" means doing as they do all the time, and if your landlords are your "hosts" even when you live there all the time, then that sounds utterly exhausting, nigel. And a bit disturbing.

[winkywinkola]

Well this is it. She wasn't flashing boob or crotch. It's just thighs. And arms. And however I approach it, I WILL look insecure and jealous.

[nigelslaterfan]

still, if I'm in someone else's house, and they are all dressed -
I
get
dressed

simple manners - respect your host

[Penfolds5]

I should amend that last post to "especially if it's because they are attractive, or "unattractive", or in fact if the reason has anything to do with attractiveness"

[Penfolds5]

She sounds a bit insecure to me, rather than a dick

I myself am quite uncomfortable with the idea of women being told to cover up their bodies (especially if the motivation is so as not to attract men - not that it sounds like the OP has anything to worry about in that way - and especially if it's specifically because they are attractive). I also think it's difficult to be a lodger and not to have somewhere that's "yours", although you do sounds like a lovely landlord, OP.

I do get why it might not make you feel brilliant in your own home, OP.
I don't know what the answer is, but I think you sound like a highly reasonable individual, OP, and I'm sure you'll deal with it well whatever happens. It's a really tricky one.

[NoArmaniNoPunani]

I don't think you can dictate how someone else dresses. How is showing a bit of thigh setting a bad example to children? It's just a body FFS.

[Molotov]

She sounds arrogant, Winky. A bit of a dick, if I'm honest.

Honesty is the best policy here.