Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be googling old bfs?

32 replies

spababe · 24/06/2015 19:17

Very happy with DH but curious about long lost bfs and where they are now and what they are doing - AIBU?

OP posts:
DawnOfTheDoggers · 24/06/2015 19:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tryharder · 24/06/2015 19:42

Everyone does this don't they?

I think it's natural.

Surely it's the point of Facebook etc

MrsTedCrilly · 24/06/2015 20:39

YANBU, it's just curiosity and nosiness! They were a big part of your life once, it's only natural to wonder Smile

britnay · 24/06/2015 20:44

One of them I am still friends with on facebook. Another is now into photography, so I look at his photos every now and then, it seems that he is very talented :)
They were lovely guys, just not the right ones for me. I like seeing them be happy in their lives :)

Katinkka · 24/06/2015 20:47

I do this now and again. Takes me ages...

SaltedCaramels · 24/06/2015 20:50

I do this sometimes - glad i'm not the only one!

Lara2 · 24/06/2015 21:48

My first love ( who declared undying love to my best friend when I went to uni ) is a big deal in banking product promotion, drives a Maserati, lives partly in Switzerland and sounds like a complete tosser on a professional seminar I stumbled across! His dad lives round the corner from me, so I see the car sometimes - never him Grin. I, on the other hand, am but a humble and poorly paid teacher.
We all look up old bfs, it's so interesting to snoop - as long as that's all it is and you don't end up stalking Grin

geekymommy · 24/06/2015 21:52

I thought that was one of the things Facebook was for.

Pilgit · 24/06/2015 21:54

I do this. One of my exes has a few diatribes on you tube about why protestants are wrong and Catholicism is the only way. Hilarious stuff! He found religion after we split. Worth doing just for a reminder of what I escaped.

Rivercam · 24/06/2015 21:55

One of my ex's was in prison for allegedly sexual molesting his step daughter. Narrow escape there.

Another was a policeman who got done for drink driving.

Facebook and the Internet is great for googling your past,...at a safe distance.

PotatoesPastaAndBread · 24/06/2015 21:55

Yanbu. I recommend using facebook and linkedin as well as google for ultimate effect

Bear in mind that if you're logged in to linkedin when you visit their page it will show up in their "people who viewed your profile list". (Ooops!) Although you'll then see if they visit your profile in return.

I do get out occasionally, honest Smile

EllenJanethickerknickers · 24/06/2015 22:12

One of my university crushes is now some highly paid Harley Street consultant! He wasn't good enough for me, though... Wink

lljkk · 24/06/2015 22:14

I searched for the bastards who bullied me in primary school (how sad is that).

Hoping to find them down a mineshaft, I suppose. Wink

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos · 24/06/2015 22:15

My major-ex seems to be doing very well, which I find hard as I messed -up my degree, partly because of how he broke-up with me, and he then dangled us getting back together before me before ending-up with a good friend who had been helping me through the break-up and bad-mouthing me to mutual friends, which further undermined my poor self-confidence. I wouldn't want to be with him, but some of the attributes he wrote about on LinkedIn annoyed me, as did a video on the company website (which I laughed at, as he is still using the voice he used to put-on for public speaking). But he is successful and I am not. It isn't necessarily a wise thing to do, but we all do it.

MindMaking · 24/06/2015 22:23

Oh goodness, yes, who doesn't do this?

(I must admit to getting a feeling of pleasure out of the unsatisfactory ex who used to make me feel rubbish about myself by constantly reminding me how his preferred choice of woman was a "tall, busty model type".

His perfectly ordinary wife is very plain, average and clearly a saint to put up with him.

He used to always remind everyone about how he was going to be a computer entrepreneur and make a fortune. He has a lower paid job than me and lives in a very average house.

grumpybear68 · 24/06/2015 22:52

Bloody hell, you lot have completely and utterly lost the plot. If you were interested in you old partner, why is he an ex?
This is bordering on stalking. Leave the poor bloke alone, and get on with your life. If you feel the need to keep checking, have a look at your own life, and try and decide if it's interesting enough.....

I'll leave you answer that. Smile No to sound too angry....

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 24/06/2015 23:18

I spend a lot of time sitting in the dark singing incy wincy spider to a 2 year old with a sleep problem. (Ok - I'm the one with the problem he is quite happy to only have a third of the recommended sleep for a toddler.)

If it wasn't for mumsnet, property porn and googling people I would have thrown myself under a bus years ago.

I google old boyfriends, I google old friends, I google people I didn't like and I google people I barely remember. At 4 am you get pretty desperate.

The really nice thing about being mid 30s is discovering that the hormonal insecure kids you went to school with are now (usually) successful adults with spouses, kids, careers, achievements and even a mention in the birthday honours list.

I plan to remember this when he-who-does-not-sleep (and his big sister) become teens.

grapejuicerocks · 24/06/2015 23:29

I do it too. It's interesting. I also do it for old friends and people at school.

I'd love to search via linked in but don't want to be seen by them, so have refrained doing that.
Is it likely we may pop up in their - people you might know, boxes on Facebook, if we've been searching for them on there?

Melonfool · 24/06/2015 23:30

The (now 21 yo) daughter of an ex of mine looked at my Linked In profile last week. Not quite sure what to make of that (but had good fun fb stalking her and her siblings to see what they were up to. The ex isn't on fb, but he's always been a LI contact of mine as we work in similar fields).

Idontseeanydragons · 24/06/2015 23:32

I'm friends with 2 ex's and an old one night stand on FB Grin
DH is friends with one of his ex's.
I've looked at my first serious ex on FB and he's still a sad case after 25 years no surprises there

Idontseeanydragons · 24/06/2015 23:32

20 years, not 25!

PotatoesPastaAndBread · 25/06/2015 08:07

grumpybear I can't explain it! It's strangely addictive. Honestly doesn't mean I'm not happy now. I'm just a raging noisy parker. If it helps I also do it for old school friends, former teachers and basically anyone I ever knew in a previous life. Not just reserved for ex-bfs. Although not sure that makes me sound any more sane!

NRomanoff · 25/06/2015 08:15

I can honestly say I have never done this. But I don't find it weird unless it's every night and you are hiding it from dh.

I suppose I feel that we split for a reason and now I no longer care either way about them. There is one who was a friend of my brother so I hear general stuff about him, but never think to ask.

wonkylegs · 25/06/2015 08:24

I'm friends again with my first ever serious love. We weren't right for each other in that way but both of us know that we were responsible for serious milestones in each other's lives and we wouldn't have got where we are today without the other. We both are now married to other people and like each other's choices.
He's a fab actor now and when I see him perform I'm so proud of his achievements as I know where they've come from.
I have googled others out of curiosity, just wondered where they got to in the end.
I am now also friends with one of DHs exs, as we met through something quite random and it took a while for me to realise who she was. Her & DH found it quite a shock but now are quite happy to hang out on the occasions we socialise with our families. We're all adult enough to realise life moves on.

kittycatz · 25/06/2015 08:27

You can also look at their amazon wish lists if they have them set to public. That is fascinating
Shouldn't really be admitting to this......