Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel so worried and upset about DC growing up

33 replies

Purplesky2 · 17/06/2015 18:20

They are 7.6, 6 and 3.8 and time is flying and they are growing so quick. Soon they won't need me or want me and that is making me feel sad. Time is flying mixed in with the grittiness of life I feel I am missing it. I know it is normal but I feel sad.

OP posts:
IHaveBrilloHair · 17/06/2015 18:22

It's really not normal, they'll always want and need you, just in different ways.

LindyHemming · 17/06/2015 18:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cardibach · 17/06/2015 18:24

There's at least 10 years before the oldest comes even close to independence. That's longer than you've had them! It actually isn't normal to be 'worried and upset' about this when your children are so young (in my opinion anyway) if you get worked up about them growing you won't enjoy them! You need to try to out this out of your mind.
(My DD is 19, a student and going to Thailand in her own in a week. We are still as close as ever)

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 17/06/2015 18:29

I know what you mean, but my 3 DSes are teenagers now, and I'm kind of looking forward to the next stage of my life. It feels like many years of three 1 year olds, three 2 year olds, three 3 year olds etc. Plus - teenagers are great, as I'm sure the adult children will be.

Just enjoy the moment OP. Time doesnt stand still unfortunately.

nooka · 17/06/2015 18:36

I think you need to focus on the moment, and enjoy each stage of their lives as they happen. For me (i general) it's just got better and better as my two have grown up, and I am immensely proud of them as teenagers (now 16 and 14). My relationship with them has I think deepened and I am looking forward to seeing them grow into adults.

I know lots of people feel a bit wistful as their children grow up, but feeling worried and upset seems a bit extreme - it makes me think that there must be some reason for the OP's anxiety. OP have their been child deaths in the family perhaps, or teenagers going off the rails perhaps? Some negative association with children growing older that is resurfacing for you maybe?

IHaveBrilloHair · 17/06/2015 18:38

Gosh, maybe it's me who is odd then, I love seeing dd grow up into a young woman, she's coming up for 14 and is so much fun.
I love how we have things in common, and spend time together enjoying the same things.

redskybynight · 17/06/2015 18:40

Do you have other things in your life except the DC? (hobbies/friends/work paid or unpaid)? Otherwise I can see there will be a big gap when your life is not so centred on fulfilling the DC's needs.

Moomintroll85 · 17/06/2015 18:41

Try to think of all the new ways you will be able to spend time with them and support them in the next stages of their lives as they get older. You will always be their mum Smile

McFarts · 17/06/2015 18:42

They will always need you, im 40 and i still need my Mum Grin

Radiatorvalves · 17/06/2015 18:43

I love the different stages...it was lovely when they were babies, but I think I'd be a bit desperate if we were still in that nappy stage. I can do long bike rides with them, go skiing and feel like I'm the slow coach (I'm not!). Last night I went to the theatre with DS1. He's only 10, but it's fun to have more grown up chats.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 17/06/2015 18:44

no really, it is hard but rewarding to see them grow into independence and the bonus is you get your own independence back. Ds1 is 23 and although he still lives at home whilst at uni he pretty much does his own thing but is lovely to us and we get on well (most of the time) he was a nightmare child but has grown into a fairly sensible mature young man who I am proud of. he will sit with us and share a bottle of wine sometimes and chat about his life and ambitions and it makes me proud to be his mum. DS2 has left home and just finished his first year of Uni in Brighton.he too is a joy to be with and is home for the summer. We enjoy his company too but with both of them it is nice to know we can go and do our own thing too.There are the barren years of teenagerdom where they do withdraw and become a bit secretive and eye rollingly pissed off at you and everything innit!! Smile but rest assured mostly they turn out ok if you treat them right and let them grow, the moment you realise that all that teenage angst is mainly behind them and you can see them maturing and enjoying their lives is a joy... honestly. don't worry about it, you have ages yet.

mrsdavidbowie · 17/06/2015 18:47

I love mine as teenagers..wasn't fond of the "needy" days.
I think to see them becoming independent is amazing...making mistakes, decisions and developing as a person.
Can't wait for dd to go to uni in Sept...another exciting phase begins.

I would never go back to the baby days.
And its time forr me to do new things.

Charley50 · 17/06/2015 18:47

I love all the different stages too. My DS is becoming independent now and travelling around on his own etc and it's so lovely to see him growing up. We both reminisce about his younger stages which is nice too.

Original poster
Purplesky2 · 17/06/2015 18:50

Oops I didn't mean it was normal to feel upset but that is was normal that they are growing away.

OP posts:
Goshthatsspicy · 17/06/2015 19:01

You have so much to look forward to. My eldest is 17 this year. I'm so proud of him and we enjoy such a laugh together.

Topseyt · 17/06/2015 19:01

My three DDs are now 20, 16 and almost 13. You continue to be needed throughout, but just in different ways.

DD1 is really a lovely young woman now, if a little bit opinionated on things. She is at uni, but home in the holidays. She relies on us to be her sounding boards, be supportive if she is down, provide the parental taxi-service to/from uni at the start and end of each term and just to be there for her whenever needed. It is more of a backseat now, but still needed. Took me a while to get used to it, but I have now.

DD2 is just finishing her GCSEs and wants to go down the Apprenticeship route. I have just spent this afternoon as her free taxi service to an assessment.

DD3 is a bright little spark, and likely to follow a similar route in life to DD1. Likes to consider herself independent, although there are some limits at her age obviously.

As they gain their independence, so you also regain some of the life you gave up when you had them. It works both ways.

LovesYoungDream · 17/06/2015 19:06

YANBU but it is hopefully it is going to happen to all of our wonderful dc one day and we'll havegiven them the best start in life. All we can do is try to prepare them as best we can, to live in the world.

Howmanywotwots · 17/06/2015 19:07

I find it's better not to think too much!

Rejoice in every birthday that they have, growing older is a wonderful privilege

Brew Cake

(I hope I've used those emoticons correctly , tea and cakes always good)

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 17/06/2015 19:09

The opposite is worse, although I do sympathise.

PushAPushPop · 17/06/2015 19:16

It's strange but I never felt broody until DD turned 14 and stopped enjoying things like Halloween, etc.

Then I pined for the silly things like taking her trick o'treating Sad

We decided the time was right to then have another child. And now ds is almost two I cherish every moment because I'm 99% certain he's our last.

Dd did leave school last month though and I cried in bedBlush

NotEnoughTime · 17/06/2015 19:22

Flowers for you OP.

I know exactly how you feel-I often feel this way too.

I absolutely love seeing my Boys growing up and getting glimpses of the young men they will become however this is mixed with sadness that each year that passes is a year closer to when they move out of home and become independent etc (obviously I know this is a good thing but I sometimes wish that I could turn back the clock so that I could keep them with me forever Blush - selfish I know).

Words of Advice:Do not listen to "Slipping Through My Fingers" by Abba as I'm sure it will finish you off.

namechangefortoday543 · 17/06/2015 19:23

They change and grow up- its normal.
You have a different relationship with them but one that's just as enjoyable.
I don't feed my DD and change her nappy - she is in her twentiesGrin but she is constantly asking my advice and we go for lunch/she comes home/we do lovely things together - its just so nice to enjoy an adult relationship with your DC- lovely.
Ugh sleepless nights and nappies - no thanks Wink

Yarp · 17/06/2015 19:24

I also think you've got a lot to look forward to.

Having a real, heart-to-heart laugh with your teenage/adult children

It's great

Being able to show them yourself, not only 'mum'

Meeting all the interesting and fun friends of theirs they will bring into your life.

Yarp · 17/06/2015 19:25

... and of course they will need you. I need my mum - I'm 45.

nooka · 17/06/2015 19:38

I guess there are points when they grow away from you and points when you both grow closer. I guess primary school might feel like the former as they discover friendship with their peers and decide that their teachers know better than you. However in my experience it doesn't take very long for friendships to become as much a source of angst, needing long conversations with parents to attempt to resolve and school to be about decisions, which again need to be talked and thought through.

It's just a different sort of dependency, and the balance changes as you get older with much more of a friendship/confidant kind of relationship developing. There really is lots of good stuff to look forward to :)

Swipe left for the next trending thread