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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel so worried and upset about DC growing up

33 replies

Purplesky2 · 17/06/2015 18:20

They are 7.6, 6 and 3.8 and time is flying and they are growing so quick. Soon they won't need me or want me and that is making me feel sad. Time is flying mixed in with the grittiness of life I feel I am missing it. I know it is normal but I feel sad.

OP posts:
albertcampionscat · 17/06/2015 19:41

I'm nearly 40 too and my mum is great.

HuftysTrain · 17/06/2015 19:46

You are worrying about something unknown though. You may well remain very close with them and feel an even stronger bond as they get older. You may have easy teens and actually enjoy that stage more.

I know you feel wistful but just enjoy the present and leave the future where it is for now.

insancerre · 17/06/2015 19:47

Mine are 25 and 18 and I can't wait until they are both living somewhere else
Dd is off to uni in September and I've already told Ds I'm expecting him to find his own place very soon

BertrandRussell · 17/06/2015 19:51

I adore my teenagers- but I still mourn the babies and toddlers they were. Perfectly normal. This week my 14 year old went on his first date and my 19 year old had a serious conversation with me about contraception. And we made toffee popcorn and ate it watching Mock the Week and Live at the Apollo. I was so happy for him and proud of her- but I was still sad about the Disney movie days. It's all very complicated. It's OK to feel however you feel- so long as you don't let it cramp their style!

mrsdavidbowie · 17/06/2015 19:51

I'm.planning to move insancerre when D's goes to uni. Obviously I will tell him where I'll be.Wink
( but it won't be round here!!)

VanillaTwirl · 17/06/2015 19:58

I get a bit wistful when I look at younger photos of my two, but I love the ages they are now (still not old, 10 & 13, but growing up fast).

I love that I can see the people they will grow up to be,and they are funny - proper belly laugh funny and great to talk to about all sorts of stuff. They make my heart burst as well as driving me mad at times.

Every stage is special in a different way, purple - try and enjoy the moment if you can.

Strokethefurrywall · 17/06/2015 20:03

I do think it's normal to all of a sudden freak out at how quickly time is going by and the sadness that you're missing the little things because they get lumped in with all the mundane shit.

It's hard to realise that time is passing especially if, like me, you never really imagined anything beyond the "I'm having a baby" years. I could always visualise my exciting life up until that point (travel round the world, get a career, meet someone, get married, have kids) but had no picture of what my life would be after those babies were born and growing up.

This is where I think of a lot of women struggle to identify where they stand in life especially if they have devoted a large portion of their adult life to raising their babies (nothing wrong at all with staying home, I just use this to illustrate my point) I was lucky that prior to having my babies, I fell into a very good career that interests me (surprisingly as it's dull as fuck to most people) and I have goals over the next few years that are only for me. This brings the focus back to my life and what I want and makes me concentrate on the here and now, not daydream wistfully about the years gone by (which I find I'm doing but only because my ass is now flat as a pancake whereas it was fabulous pre-kids).

I have found that by bringing the focus of my attention back to myself has helped me avoid that panic that my kids are growing up. Because they're supposed to grow up and become independent (only 3.7 and 15 months so a way off yet!) but it's not too soon to develop your own interests and life that mean instead of thinking "my babies no longer need me" you think "my kids are growing into wonderfully independent people and here I am with these most brilliant adventures planned ahead."

Excitement and adventure aren't just a young person's pursuit... Smile

Trooperslane · 17/06/2015 20:06

I'm 42 and need my Mum more than ever this year. She died last year.

I miss her like mad.

They'll ALWAYS need you, op.

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