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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to get married before her? Brutal honesty please!

60 replies

Salamander16 · 16/06/2015 17:03

(Name changed).

Best friend got engaged over Christmas. They've been together for 5 years and are having a big, beautiful, proper 3 course meal/ country house wedding next July (2016). We have 6 joint, close school friends & she's the first girl in our group to get married.

Me and DP have been together for 9 years. Discussing marriage for the last three months. Would like a cheap wedding - our local church and a buffet in a church hall type thing. Elderly grandparents who we really want to be there. We would still have to invite around 80 people due to family sizes.

We would, if BF was not a factor, like to do it next January. Should I suck it up, wait till after hers (we'd then do it in November - I deliberately want it out of wedding season), to avoid causing any bad feeling?

WWYD? Haven't told anyone yet, as we can't decide....

OP posts:
WayneRooneysHair · 16/06/2015 17:04

It's your wedding, do what you want.

No need to make a big drama out of it.

LemonYellowSun · 16/06/2015 17:04

Depends whether she is the sort of person who would get mad about it. I dont think normal people would mind in the slightest Wink Some do though

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/06/2015 17:05

Do all the friends live 1000s of miles away or something? Otherwise I fail to see how two people that know each other can't get married months apart!?!?!

amicissimma · 16/06/2015 17:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kundry · 16/06/2015 17:05

You friend got engaged at Christmas and then didn't plan to get married for 18 months. Some of you friendship group will have married and had babies by the time she ties the knot!

She would be unreasonable to expect you all to have your lives on hold til then. If she's a proper friend she'll be happy for you just like you are for her.

ScrambledEggAndToast · 16/06/2015 17:05

Why are you worried about it, just do it!! Going by your thinking, you wouldn't be able to get married until about July 2017 if you are worried about your friend because after the wedding you have the honeymoon, then wedding pics on FB, then honeymoon pics on FB etc. Goes on forever. Just do what suits you.

formerbabe · 16/06/2015 17:06

Get married when you want! As long as its not the same weekend, she has no grounds to complain IMO.

vvviola · 16/06/2015 17:06

Why ever not?! 6 months apart, only 6 friends in common.

Do it when it suits you

mind you I "eloped" three weeks before the first girl in our group had her big wedding, so I'm probably one to talk. Although, in that case when it all came out a few months later the bride couldn't have cared less, but the childish blokes in our group who had bets on who would get married first were very put out

MitzyLeFrouf · 16/06/2015 17:06

That's 6 months apart! I thought you were going to say you had booked for the weekend prior to hers.

Go ahead and plan your wedding.

oneowlgirl · 16/06/2015 17:07

I don't get the issue either? Have your wedding when you want to.

TeenAndTween · 16/06/2015 17:07

Absolutely fine imo.

missmillimentscardigan · 16/06/2015 17:08

Of course you should get married when you want to. People who choose to have long engagements don't then own the monopoly on getting married that year! Congratulations!

Tryharder · 16/06/2015 17:09

It wouldn't even occur to me to mind even if you booked your wedding the day before mine!

But there are some very uptight Bridezillas out there. If you think she might mind, ask her!

Original poster
Salamander16 · 16/06/2015 17:09

Thanks for the replies. I know it seems daft but I just have this niggle that I should wait for hers...

And everyone is going to be really shocked because I bloody hate weddings.

OP posts:
CornChips · 16/06/2015 17:09

6 months? Not a issue, unless your friend is a little self-obsessed. I thought you meant you were getting married saturday morning and she saturday afternoon or something like that.

dinoswore · 16/06/2015 17:09

Ask your friend if she minds. I can't honestly see why she would. And I would question whether someone who would mind about something like that was someone I wanted to be friends with.

DramaAlpaca · 16/06/2015 17:09

YANBU at all. Go right ahead & book your wedding.

It's nice of you to consider your friend's feelings, but I really think you don't need to worry.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 16/06/2015 17:10

Yes from me too!
Months apart, no problem. If it was days, maybe so. But it's not.
Have a lovely day Flowers

MamaLazarou · 16/06/2015 17:10

YANBU- I can't imagine why anyone would think otherwise.

LooksLikeImStuckHere · 16/06/2015 17:11

Wouldn't have phased me in the slightest. I'm sure your friend will just be happy for you Smile

carabos · 16/06/2015 17:12

Who appointed your friend "she who must marry first?" Hmm. How is this even a thing?

formerbabe · 16/06/2015 17:13

But there are some very uptight Bridezillas out there. If you think she might mind, ask her!

If she doesn't mind, then go ahead. If she does mind, then still go ahead!

purplewoofer · 16/06/2015 17:13

Completely different weddings and a long time apart. If it was the same month then I could maybe see her being a bit annoyed

Original poster
Salamander16 · 16/06/2015 17:14

Shit, I might have to actually go through with this now!

Let's hope she is as wise/laid back as all you lovely mumsnetters.

and not a bit crazy like aibu

OP posts:
HayFeverHell · 16/06/2015 17:16

It wouldn't bother me. It's months apart and a whole different sort of wedding. Yours will be done and dusted before she is even in full swing!