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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed at dance school?

37 replies

flixybelle · 14/06/2015 11:46

My dh has taken our dd(aged 5) to her 'photo call' for the summer show . Expecting to drop her off and come home, however when he arrived they said he had to stay. No big deal, we should've double checked. Except he has been told that although he is must stay he isn't allowed in the building because he is male! All the other parents are mums and are staying to help get their children changed(multiple costumes) but my dh has been told he's not allowed.
My dh is a primary school teacher therefore DBS cleared not that any of the mums have been asked to produce a DBS before entering the building. My dh always does the dance drop off so and knows the staff far better than I do. My dd is now the only child whose parent is not in with her. AIBU to think this is a stupid rule and that if it was an issue the dance school should have told us before hand and I would have taken dd.

OP posts:

fiveacres · 14/06/2015 11:48

YANBU.

Horrible.

CtrlAltDelicious · 14/06/2015 11:49

NOT ok, IMO.

Gibble1 · 14/06/2015 11:50

I'd be very cross! Tbh, if it were me, I would say that I'm going home then. If he can't be in the building, he can't be needed that much can he?

My DS's music school do this when they have shows. The kids also have to buy a ticket for the performance as they aren't allowed backstage. There was a real conflab this time as the theatre they went to wouldn't allow it and made performers go backstage and refunded all their ticket sales!

TwinkieTwinkle · 14/06/2015 11:54

Completely ridiculous and frankly insulting to your husband. Definitely worth complaining about.

LIZS · 14/06/2015 11:55

Are there any boys involved? I would suspect there are communal dressing rooms with kids in various states of undress. Even so communication has been poor. Sadly not unusual in this type of activity though.

PtolemysNeedle · 14/06/2015 11:55

YANBU, and it's worth putting in a discrimination complaint.

chantico · 14/06/2015 11:56

Yes, it's illogical, if you look at it from the DBS pov.

But if the female changing is for girls of all ages then I can see why they have decided only the only adults who enter it are women (like any changing room).

They should have been considerably clearer about the arrangements, and it is a bit silly to expect a non-participating parent to hang around outside.

EthelDurant123 · 14/06/2015 11:58

Yanbu.

This kind of thing makes DH and I mad too.

EvilTendency1 · 14/06/2015 12:00

That's bonkers ! And I would be annoyed as well, YANBU.

Original poster

flixybelle · 14/06/2015 12:05

Yes boys are there, several in dd's class so I don't get the issue at all.
I am so cross Twinkie, I said the same, what exactly are they suggesting is the issue!
He has come home as he said he was not sitting outside in the car for no reason. I am going back to get her and I will be voicing my feelings.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 14/06/2015 12:07

That's a disgrace OP

I would definitely complain

TwinkieTwinkle · 14/06/2015 12:09

Definitely collect her yourself and kick up a fuss. What a pathetic rule.

Original poster

flixybelle · 14/06/2015 12:10

Its only the little ones at this time slot so no teens just ages 4-7 year olds, they are getting changed in the main dance room.

My older dd is a gymnast and at her shows they split the girls and boys and a few mums help the girls and a few dads help the boys, that I understand.

OP posts:

Gileswithachainsaw · 14/06/2015 12:12

IsItStupid · 14/06/2015 12:13

That's really bonkers.

Unless the dance school goes all the way up to teens and has all the dancers in one changing room, in which case I could understand it being a female only changing room (like most other rooms) and only women being allowed in.

But surely the school has some male dancers or expected Dads? They should have had some alternate changing areas and/or split the changing room in two, one for young children with their parents and another room for older dancers.

I would complain. Short sightedness on the school part, and poor planning, in my opinion.

IsItStupid · 14/06/2015 12:14

Oh, you updated while I was posting.

If its 4-7 year old boys and girls all in one room then the school is being crazy!

ProudAS · 14/06/2015 12:36

It's barmy - the DC are aged 4-7 so not exactly developing breasts and he wouldn't have been alone with them.

They could at least have provided a suitable waiting area for parents (of both sexes) as the children obviously don't need 1-1 attention and a few parent helpers could have sufficed.

He has almost certainly been discriminated against for being male. I could understand them not allowing him in a room where girls over 8 or so were changing but even then they should have provided him with somewhere else or asked him to help out with the boys. It sounds like they've jumped to the conclusion that men are automatically not safe around children (even with mums and dance teachers present).

Bair · 14/06/2015 12:42

YANBU.

I could understand them not allowing him in a room where girls over 8 or so were changing but even then they should have provided him with somewhere else or asked him to help out with the boys.

This.

Original poster

flixybelle · 14/06/2015 12:54

I have just been to pick dd up, and I challenged them. They told me it was a safeguarding issue and that they hadn't seen his DBS he couldn't go in the room, which is utter shite as no mums had to produce theirs.(Have asked other mums) When I picked her up there were mums taking photos on their phones whilst other children were still getting changed! I went to speak to the owner and have asked to see a copy of their safeguarding policy and suggests that it needs adjusting because the current one is nonesense.

OP posts:

LIZS · 14/06/2015 12:55

No one should have been taking pics, DBS checked or not. Is the show open to the public?

Ineedtimeoff · 14/06/2015 13:01

With our dance school there are girls of all ages, up to 17, all having multiple quick changes in a big hall back stage. I understand why they wouldn't want a dad there, even if he was disclosure checked.

To avoid these problems our school has a separate room for the boys who take part and for dads that are looking after their kids. I'm sure this must be something that happens often at your dance show. Was there no separate room for him to use?

SaucyJack · 14/06/2015 13:08

I think it's unfair that provisions were not made for him to be with your DD.

But I also think his DBS is irrelevant. Generally speaking, it's a dignity issue at least as much as a child protection issue.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 14/06/2015 13:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fatmomma99 · 14/06/2015 13:28

That is SO outrageous. Either the children needed the support of their parents, in which case who supported your dd? Or NONE of the parents should have been allowed in. I'm sure they could have found a separate room for your dd and her dad.

That's absolutely disgusting discrimination.

Have you asked them what they're going to do about the parents taking photos?

DeeWe · 14/06/2015 13:57

It isn't totally ridiculous on behalf of the dance school

The chaperone regulations are such that:
Women can chaperone boys or girls
Men can chaperone boys only.

Boys (over the age of 5yo) should be changing separately from girls.

So they may be just following regulations.

The photo thing is totally wrong though. We have the regulation that any personal photos can only be taken against a plain wall with no danger that any other child could be in.

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