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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off at her response? should I say something?

28 replies

waitaminutenow · 14/06/2015 11:37

Long story short....my aunt had her first baby. We're very close as she's only 8 years older than me. Unfortunately the baby is very ill and to be honest up untill two days ago (and I suppose its still possible) we thought we would lose him.

Anyway my friend text me...asking to go to the park with our dd's on Friday. I told her was still abroad (where my aunt lives) as I had extended my stay due to the situation which I then explained in detail. Her response was.....'oh that sucks, catch up when you get back then?!'

AIBU to think 'that sucks' is the most shitty response to the situation I explained. A baby was possibly dying and she thinks that it sucks!! Do I say anything when I see her next? I didn't respond to the text as I was so taken aback! TIA

OP posts:
ttc2015 · 14/06/2015 11:43

Yes it's very blasé. I'd ignore it and dismiss her as not a true friend. Or text back, 'Yes it is an awful situation, I'm not sure how long we'll be out here.' and leave it at that.

DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 14/06/2015 11:44

is that the way she talks normally?

RB68 · 14/06/2015 11:46

you know your friend, what do you think. It is very casual, but it does sum the situation up. It was on text. Its prob not what I would have said but also you are prob not in the best of mindframes either. I would let it go and meet up and see how it goes.

It is a very difficult situation and I hope things continue to improve for you all, especially LO.

RandomMess · 14/06/2015 11:46

TBH I would interpret "that sucks" as "how absolutely awful for your aunt and all the family"

WorraLiberty · 14/06/2015 11:47

I can think of two people right now who say "Oh that sucks", and they genuinely mean it in a heartfelt way.

It's not a phrase I use, but then again I'm not them.

Only you know whether your friend was being blasé or not, but I'd be inclined to leave it because 'tone' never really comes across well in texts.

Hope the baby makes a full recovery.

Original poster
waitaminutenow · 14/06/2015 11:47

@dragon sometimes yes...but since she has a dd who she struggled to conceive I (stupidly) expected a different response from her. This is the final straw though tbh as I find her a bit of a liar at the best of times. We were very close hher dd is my god daughter :( I just don't know what to say.

OP posts:
CrapBag · 14/06/2015 11:48

It's not a great response. That could easily be in reply to you saying something like your flight has been delayed by 20 hours or something trivial.

I'm guessing maybe she didn't really know what else to say?

PenguinBollards · 14/06/2015 11:49

Poorly worded on her part, but I'd assume her heart is the right place and she didn't know what to say (I often have difficulty knowing what to say in a text, especially about serious situations) ~ that's assuming that in general she isn't the type to not give a toss about very poorly babies.

DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 14/06/2015 11:50

its hard to convey emotion in a text, especially if the event is far removed from you (ie, its a relative of a friend thats affected)

if she is normally a caring and nice person, dont dwell on it - bad choice of words, (i'd say or not understanding the situation, but you told her) but thats all... hth

PenguinBollards · 14/06/2015 11:50

Oh, x-posted: "find her a bit of a liar at the best of times"

Sounds like you're ready to be done with her anyway, so maybe just let the friendship fizzle out?

Original poster
waitaminutenow · 14/06/2015 11:51

Yeah....I'll just leave it. I think maybe I expected to much from her. But I say 'that sucks' when I run out of milk halfway through making tea or when I stub my toe. Differences between expression usage I suppose.

OP posts:
Raveismyera · 14/06/2015 11:52

I suspect that's her way of saying "how awful" not sure why she would be anymore sympathetic because she had fertility problems though, tbf.

It does sound like you're quite fed up of her so I wouldn't do anything rash, just have some space x

Drquin · 14/06/2015 11:52

On its own, it's a short-hand response (that I'd expect on text) to an awful situation. Would expect a bit more if it was a face-to-face conversation.

But, if you reckon she's "a liar" then you've got bigger problems with her than a potentially misconstrued / misunderstood text response.

Evabeaversprotege · 14/06/2015 11:53

How's the baby doing OP?

Original poster
waitaminutenow · 14/06/2015 11:54

She does know how close we are... (which is extremely close) my aunt is more like my sister. We were each others bridesmaids etc. We grew up together. :( I guess im just so emotional.

OP posts:
DrankSangriaInThePark · 14/06/2015 11:55

Texting is cold generally and unfortunately some people aren't good at empathy in potentially awful situations.
Plus, does she actually know how close you are to your aunt? I'm not especially, so friends of mine would be a bit bemused if I was upset because of something they texted iyswim?
That has come out all wrong, hope you realise what I am trying to say, and hope the baby continues to get better. Thanks Thanks

evelynj · 14/06/2015 11:58

I could see myself saying that but would have added in 'let me know if there's anything we can do to help...' Before the catchup bit.

Hope everything turns out ok. Agree if you think she's a liar then not much hope for your relationship

Original poster
waitaminutenow · 14/06/2015 11:58

@evabeaver Baby is making progress...still in critical care but is off the ventilator now. Since Thursday. He has some brain damage which effects him physically. They just don't know how much. His gag isn't great so he may need to be tube fed, he is still on seizure meds and heart meds. He will have moderate to severe cerebral palsy.

OP posts:
PtolemysNeedle · 14/06/2015 11:58

I think you're overreacting, but understandably, you're going to be feeling sensitive. Things don't come across accurately in text messages no matter how well they are worded, and if your friend is a nice person then it would be unfair to judge her or be cross with her because of that text.

Original poster
waitaminutenow · 14/06/2015 11:59

@dranksangria..yeah she knows how close we are. :(

OP posts:
ragged · 14/06/2015 12:02

I can't comment on liar tendencies.

If I said "That sucks" in that context (and I would) it would mean "I'm very sorry, that sounds desperately awful".

Stubbing a toe or no milk merits a comment like "Ouch" or "How annoying". "How annoying" about baby battling for life would be weird.

CalleighDoodle · 14/06/2015 12:03

I agree that youre probably over reacting, unleas it is always about her and no interest in anybody else. What is the correct way to respond to a text saying your new nephew might die? If you had phoned to explain that sensitive issue she may have responded in a very different way. Catch uo when you get back could be an invitation to talk about it fully when youre home. It is absoluteky impossible to know without knowing the person.

WindMeUpAndLetMeGo · 14/06/2015 12:03

Maybe she didn't know what to say, but felt that by saying that she was offering sympathy. It's an awful situation you're all in, and a lot of the time people generally don't know what to say as it's just words - especially via text.

DarthVadersTailor · 14/06/2015 12:09

Were you expecting an essay to be written? It's a text message, people tend to be short and sweet. I think you might (understandably) be overreacting a bit here tbh.

Hope your Aunty and the baby are still well, and hope they get better Flowers

CMon · 14/06/2015 12:13

I think it's an ok response.

I think it was not the most thoughtful response but it was still likely to be as heartfelt. I wouldn't take offence if your friend is normally a nice person.

Hope your baby cousin is feeling better soon.