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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

'outstanding' state primary or 'good' private primary

66 replies

journey2013 · 12/06/2015 09:22

I really need some advice on this as we are torn as to what to do.....my dd is in an outstanding primary just coming to the end of reception year. We are considering whether to move her to a private school which is more geared to passing the 11 plus.

dd is a bright girl from what we can tell so far and if she is capable would like her to go to grammar school.

Her current school is a nice environment and the children seem very happy on the whole. However we feel she could be pushed on a little more, however the schools ethos is more about the whole child and not to be too pushy with academics. The results yr 6 sats results are very good lots of level 5 and a few level 6. However the number getting into grammar is around 10/90 ....the private school is getting around 15/30 to 20/30 into grammar school.

We are just so torn as the state school has so much going for it:
outstanding ofsted,happy children, good facilities, lots of attention to the whole child and developing the emotional/social side of a child.

The private has: small classes (inf 12, junior 18), 11 plus prep, 'good' teaching, more studious peer group.

Can anyone provide some thoughts on this please ? Anyone made a similar decision ?

Thank you in advance

OP posts:

Pippa12 · 12/06/2015 09:27

Personally I'd leave my child where she is settled. I think you could open a whole can of worms moving her now- especially when the ofsted is so good. Why don't you put the money towards private tutoring?

LarrytheCucumber · 12/06/2015 09:28

Her current school sounds lovely. Why not compromise and leave her where she is until the end of KS1 and think again for KS2.

Only1scoop · 12/06/2015 09:29

Watching with interest as at exactly same point. Dd also in reception.

Floggingmolly · 12/06/2015 09:30

The private school kids will no doubt be tutored too... It's a rare child indeed, from whatever academic background, that attempts the 11+ without at least 3 years of tutoring under their belt.

charmund · 12/06/2015 09:51

My Ds and DD went to independent schools from an outstanding state primary (with tutoring as Pippa12 says.) However I wish that we'd moved them at the end of KS1 - not because they wouldn't have needed tutoring to pass the 11+ (Floggingmolly is right about private school children still being tutored on the whole) but because it took them both the whole of their first year to have anything like the confidence and study skills of those from the private schools. Not saying that this is always the case but its certainly my experience

Original poster

journey2013 · 12/06/2015 09:55

charmund - did you move to an outstanding private school ? i'm not sure if i am giving the ofsted too much importance but we would be goin gfrom outstanding to good.

OP posts:

grumpysquash · 12/06/2015 10:11

Is the private school selective based on academic ability? If it is, it may well be that the group of children capable of getting into grammar school is pretty much the same regardless of where they are taught (interpret as: both options are equally good for an able child). But if the private school is mixed ability and yet many more children are passing 11+, then there must be a difference in the teaching.
I might be wrong on this, but I don't think private schools have to be assessed by Ofsted, so 'outstanding' and 'good' here might not be against the same criteria.

I am not in a grammar school area; however, if I was, I'm not sure I would tutor/push my DC through the 11+ if it might mean that they would be at the bottom end in a grammar school. If they would thrive at grammar, I would imagine that the 11+ wouldn't be all that challenging for them.

ihatethecold · 12/06/2015 10:13

How sad that you are already saying that your reception aged child isn't being pushed enough!
What is she? 4? 5?

500Decibels · 12/06/2015 10:17

She could carry on going to the school she's at then have tutoring from year 3 onwards.
The kids in private school all have 11 plus tutoring too so take that extra cost into account too.

Heels99 · 12/06/2015 10:19

She will be tutored in either school. I would leave where is for now

BertrandRussell · 12/06/2015 10:21

Leave her where she is and get her a tutor specifically for the 11+ in about year 4.

Original poster

journey2013 · 12/06/2015 10:26

grumpysquash .. good point - no the private doesnt select on the basis of academic ability......yes will have a think on this point :-)

ihatethecold.....she is a little bored in reception and whilst we wouldnt want her to be overly 'pushed' we would like her to achieve HER potential.

thanks for all your comments......

OP posts:

nigelslaterfan · 12/06/2015 10:27

I feel torn for you, but if money is no object then move her soon. I agree it can take a while to settle. I think that younger kids have less invested friendships and can move on and adjust fairly quickly. The later you leave it the bigger the wrench.

If you want that kind of child, go sooner, I would say.

But it also kind of breaks my heart that we have to push our kids so hard. I worry about the amount of anxiety we can be creating in them. Our looking private school is very successful and someone told me there is loads of anorexia going on with the girls. Obvs you can get that with any setting but still.

Part of me thinks there are some kids who are very able and very robust and pushing them is a good thing and allows them to thrive. But I think there are some kids who are not naturally outstanding, and I think pushing them can be counterproductive. Because the child must surely extrapolate the message that their worth is attached to their performance?

BertrandRussell · 12/06/2015 10:32

"ihatethecold.....she is a little bored in reception and whilst we wouldnt want her to be overly 'pushed' we would like her to achieve HER potential.

Say a bit more about her being a little bored?

Original poster

journey2013 · 12/06/2015 10:34

nigelslaterfan - thank you - yes i agree with you that some children can handle the extra workload.....although i think the private school is not overly pushy ...homework once a week from reception but becomes daily in juniors.

We have a younger son to consider to...the behaviour of some of the boys in the state primary is of concern to me as he is not as quite and reserved as my daugher.

if we did move her to the private, the message at home would be TRY YOUR BEST, no the end of the world if you dont get into grammar school.

OP posts:

Only1scoop · 12/06/2015 10:37

Blimey I haven't even thought about secondary schools and grammars and exams yet....

I envisaged if we move dd to private she would stay at the school we move her to.

charmund · 12/06/2015 10:42

Sorry for the delay in replying - boss seems to think I should do some work!! Both DCs went from an outstanding state primary to outstanding independent secondary schools - one v academic one less so - entrance exam for academic one , 11+ for the marginally less academic. I do wish we'd moved them earlier but I wouldn't have moved them in KS1 as it seems v early to start the treadmill.

Original poster

journey2013 · 12/06/2015 10:51

i should probably state that secondary private is not an option ...hence our thinking is to give them a boost in early years to get them to grammar IF they are capable ...otherwise state secondary ...thats where both dh and i went to!

OP posts:

Sidge · 12/06/2015 10:57

Stop looking at results of other people's children and look at your child. If she's happy, settled, has friends and is making progress then I wouldn't rush to move her. I also personally think private is more beneficial in secondary than primary so if private secondary isn't an option financially I'd save the money and pay for tutors later if needed, if you want her to go to grammar.

A bright child with encouragement at home will do well in most schools and if there are no concerns at her current school why move her? She's 5, and still has 11 more school years to achieve her full potential. Why is she bored? Most Reception children get bored towards the end of the academic year and her and you will find Y1 very different.

Only1scoop · 12/06/2015 11:03

I would probably stay put in that case then.

hibbledibble · 12/06/2015 11:07

In your situation I would keep dd at the state primary where she is settled, and supplement with tuition where necessary.

howabout · 12/06/2015 11:27

Not sure I understand your thinking. Why is private secondary not an option but private primary is?

FWIW I think academics take care of themselves at primary for a bright child and any parent should be capable of providing any perceived need to push a bit in the right direction. Therefore I chose the better school for dd emotional rather than academic wellbeing.

Not having gone to the best primary they are top of their secondary year. They have also gone to a couple of national events with a lot of private school children recently and had no trouble holding their own.
I did consider private secondary for the elder one as she is less socially confident and may have fitted with a more academically minded peer group but I am glad I didn't. I was also reassured by teachers that should I want to move her later any private school would be extremely happy to have someone as capable as her of improving their exam ratings.

scatteroflight · 12/06/2015 11:29

I think that what Ofsted finds "outstanding" is often not what a parent finds outstanding. Ofsted has all sorts of strange preoccupations with shaping the minds and behaviour of our children that are nothing to do with academic achievement and the acquiring of knowledge. I have come to believe that, if anything, the moniker "outstanding" is a red flag to a parent concerned about the child's intellectual development.

Evidently you have observed she is not being pushed in her (supposedly) "outstanding" school. So I would choose the "good" private school any day.

electionfatigue · 12/06/2015 11:33

Can you name the schools? Likely to be people here who know them. If you're thinking about 11+ then private primary will mean you have to do much less tutoring.

electionfatigue · 12/06/2015 11:34

PS I'd get this moved to the primary education forum - if you report your OP they'll move it for you.

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