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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Calling the police on your child

69 replies

Royalsighness · 08/06/2015 08:31

Just saw something on the news about calling the police when involved in domestic Incidents with your teenager, and abuse from children to parents.

I was wondering what other people's opinions on this was? Or if they had ever been in a position where they had to do this or have considered it. I'd never really heard of it before.

OP posts:
NurNochKurzDieWeltRetten · 08/06/2015 08:39

I'veread threads on here where people have had to - adult size teens being uncontrollably violent and refusing to leave, with younger children in the house in danger of being collateral damage/ punching bag...

Must be one of the worst "between a rock and a hard place" parenting situations but I can see why in rare situations calling the police about your own child could be necessary - the same way calling the police about a partner would be. Sad but it's easy to understand that it could happen.

FenellaFellorick · 08/06/2015 08:41

If someone is threatening you, you may have to call the police for help, even if that person is your teen - if they are hitting you or threatening you, you should get help.

Not only for your own safety but for the VITAL lesson to them that actions have consequences, that they do not have the right to put their hands on someone or verbally abuse them.

Future partners will thank you for that.

If I had to call the police, I would.

whohasnickedmyvodka · 08/06/2015 08:46

I have had to call the police on my violent ds a number of times it is the worst thing I have had to do but when you are faced with a very strong 6ft angry teenager that is hitting you are trying to stab your 8 dd of smashing every thing up in your house what are u supposed to do :( :( :(

DixieNormas · 08/06/2015 08:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheMoa · 08/06/2015 08:57

It's a horrible thing to have to do.

You might have to do it to remove a violent teen immediately, but you are very aware that the record they acquire will pretty much totally write off many future career choices, if they grow up and straighten themselves out.

Not to mention travel/visa options.

You'd have to be totally in fear of your life I think.

It isn't a 'teach them a lesson' scenario - their entire future will be coloured by a police record.

MarchLikeAnAnt · 08/06/2015 08:57

I remember being about 8 years old and hiding in my room whilst my 15 year old brother beat the crap out of our father. It took 4 police officers to hold him down. I dread to think what would have happened if my mother hadn't phoned 999.

Tinklewinkle · 08/06/2015 08:59

Not my own child, but I have called the police on a young person we fostered.

They'd attacked my (then) 12 year old, there was no question that I wouldn't call them. The police removed them and that was that, but it was awful. Quite shocking all round really

NRomanoff · 08/06/2015 09:12

You have never heard of a parent reporting their child to the police? Really? There have been several high profile cases where parents have called the police. Not for assaulting them but for drug use, violence against others, radicalisation etc.

I am sure the majority of parents do this out of fear for themselves and/or other children in the house. I don't imagine people take this sort of thing lightly.

ilovesooty · 08/06/2015 09:13

They don't always get a record. In my area they would probably get a conditional caution. It's the equivalent to getting a speed awareness course. They attend three appointments with us to explore what's going on and offer help. Once the appointments are completed they finish without a criminal record.

BettyCatKitten · 08/06/2015 09:14

I've never had to do this myself, but I feel very sorry for parents of a strong angry teen being threatening and violent. It must be a very hard decision to make, but you only have to read the teen board to realise that parents have no other choice, especially where younger dc's are involved.

LarrytheCucumber · 08/06/2015 09:24

Yes, when DS was about 16 but not for violence.

Triooooooooooo · 08/06/2015 09:25

I have, on my asd daughter.

I would post the pictures of my injuries from after she'd finished hurling snowglobes at me and hitting me with a sweeping brush, not to mention the claw marks and bald patches from where she tore my hair out but tbh I'm trying to forget about it !

tiredvommachine · 08/06/2015 09:44

I've been called out to deal with 11 year olds refusing to go to school....

kissmethere · 08/06/2015 09:46

It happened in my house when I was growing up. Both adult brothers fighting. My poor mum couldn't stop them it was awful. They get on well now but not back then.

DixieNormas · 08/06/2015 09:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ghostyslovesheep · 08/06/2015 09:48

I was advised to - my DD is 12 and can be very violent - she has mental health issues - thankfully it's never come to that but we often have to barricade our selves in a room while she calms down

it's horrible for eveyone concerned

Original poster
Royalsighness · 08/06/2015 09:48

yes really, although if it has happened to family and friends I can't imagine its the sort of thing they would want to broadcast.

As for the high profile cases, this was the first time I had seen it discussed on the regional news, what a difficult situation to be put in.

OP posts:
NurNochKurzDieWeltRetten · 08/06/2015 09:50

tired don't EWO s exist for that or have they been budget cut? When I was teaching heads of year sometimes agreed to go to pupils houses to get them to school in extreme cases and at parents request. .. Police seems inappropriate for that - presumably...

Original poster
Royalsighness · 08/06/2015 09:50

I was raised In the opposite way and would have been carried out on a stretcher if I ever showed violence to my parents but had friends who would fist fight with theirs and I always felt really sorry for the parents.

OP posts:
NurNochKurzDieWeltRetten · 08/06/2015 09:58

Royal it's easy to say it's down to "how you were raised" - but what about teens who are bigger and stronger than their parents and develop mental health issues or addiction. .. happens to all "sorts" of families including strict ones (friend of mine had the strictest Methodist parents ever - no alcohol or cigarettes in the house ever, strict rules, no gambling not even lottery or tombola at the school fête - lived in a nice area - her brother was a heroin addict before he was 18 :( He wasn't violent but things can happen, no matter how you're raised...

One of my kids will definitely be bigger and stronger than me by his early teens, I just have to hope he never has any issues beyond standard teen dom!

DixieNormas · 08/06/2015 09:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lambsie · 08/06/2015 10:01

If a older child/teen is being very aggressive and nothing is calming them down then there may be no other choice. I know people with children with severe sn who have come close.

LurcioAgain · 08/06/2015 10:05

A relative of mine had to do this - but more in the spirit of finding a lever to get the authorities to help. She had a son with severe behavioral problems and other problems (ADHD, dyspraxia) but everyone was passing the buck when it came to funding any support for him (SS saying it was the health service's problem, health service saying it was SS's problem). Eventually when he was involved in petty theft she used this as an opportunity to call the police in the desperate hope that the youth offending team would be able to force SS/health service to provide some sort of support.

I knew someone who as a mature student had had to take out a restraining order against the older of her two sons - he'd watched his dad spend years beating his mother up, and when she finally left with the two boys, he started to copy his father's behavior.

Superexcited · 08/06/2015 10:07

I used to work with troubled teenagers and their families and quite often the parents would need to call the police for their child. A teenager who is violently attacking his parents and smashing up the house needs to be arrested for everyone's safety. Many of the families I was working with were desperate for social services to intervene and take the teenagers into care because they were fearful for their own safety and the safety of younger siblings but sadly social care wouldn't offer any help and the families therefore had to live everyday in fear.
If the violence was the other way around (parent being violent toward teen) social services would have been very interested and would have been removing the children in a flash. Sadly the police cell overnight is often the only option for a few hours safety for families with violent teens.

SumThucker · 08/06/2015 10:07

You don't necessarily get a criminal record through being arrested.
I was, at 17, and have always passed CRB/DBS checks.

Must be awful to have to ring the police on your own child, but if it was the only option I would.