Calling the police on your child

[Royalsighness]

Just saw something on the news about calling the police when involved in domestic Incidents with your teenager, and abuse from children to parents.

I was wondering what other people's opinions on this was? Or if they had ever been in a position where they had to do this or have considered it. I'd never really heard of it before.

grannie my sister's ex tried to strangle her after smoking cannabis on holiday. Apparently he had history of becoming violent and hallucinating on cannabis, but despite having got to know his mum and brothers well none of them had thought fit to tell her No idea what happened to him after that as obviously they broke up.

Aspie - I can totally empathise with being fearful of what mood a child will wake up in. I once had a glass jewellery box thrown at my head for annoying child by waking them up with "too cheerful a voice" before school. It took me until 11 to get them dressed, calm, and into school that day. I was later phoned to collect them from school anyway, a whole merry-go-round.

It hurts and confuses me when I think of what's happened. To think I moved us to this town to get child into better high school, which they also wanted as it would give them a fresh start with different students and teachers, and for me the school had a better educational track record. That I couldn't cope with the home situation and my job, which I loved, so had to leave with stress. To think that other people must be wondering what horrors have happened in her past (nothing has been identified by numerous counsellors/therapists/teachers and teaching support/ social worker/ foster carer). The latest theory from foster carer is that child has been spoilt and being an only child had their own way too often. But, it doesn't ring true to me, the coincidence with unmanageable behaviour and cannabis use seems too much of a coincidence to me. I'm not even against drug use, just not for young people with developing brains.

We got my child a drug worker for support to stop using cannabis (which was about twice a week). Child just heard what they wanted to hear and came back with all sorts of arguments about the positives of cannabis, but no recognition of how it was impacting the family.

I endured parenting lessons, from an unqualified woman, younger than myself with no children, to see if I could approach things differently. I honestly tried but, the advice from internet printouts to use a behaviour chart and learn a list of positive words to use to praise the child with was just ridiculous advice for the circumstances. Star charts and 'good girl' really couldn't fix our household. They were useful techniques I used when DD was younger but at 14 years old, fully physically matured and bigger than me, a sticker for getting ready for school in the morning successfully was not the helpful advice I had hoped for when I reached out through social services.

Since I had her removed from my house by the police and put into care, I've barely left the house for anything other than essentials and contact. It really is a devastating thing to happen to a family.

Hugs to you. We will be making a trip to the police station later. Money has gone missing again :-(

Decaff, was it just you and your daughter at home?

I am frightened I might have to one day soon. My 12 year old DS pushes me, grabs me, shouts abuse and hits and kicks doors in our rented home, when he loses his temper. I have mild CFS/ME, anxiety and no family support, so I don't handle the situation as well as I could/should.

Love and respect to everyone affected or going through similar and worse.

I was raised In the opposite way and would have been carried out on a stretcher if I ever showed violence to my parents

I have a child with ASD and ADHD who has sometimes violent meltdowns. It's never got to that point (I'm still bigger than him. Just.) but I'd sooner call the police on him for help to have him safely restrained than beat him up so he needs to be hospitalised.

I remember my Nana breaking her heart as she called the police on my parents (her son and DIL) when they realised the extent of the neglect and abuse we were suffering, I can only imagine how hard it must be to be at that point.

I totally agree on the cannabis thing. My father had a job from leaving school, mother was at college - both were just average, "normal" (for want of a better word) young people when he started with cannabis.

My grandparents always believed, even though he moved on to other drugs and developed a huge alcohol problem, that it was the cannabis that changed him and started the violence in him.

On one occasion the police were called because he hit his father in a rage because Granda wouldn't give him something to sell. They didn't have much left after being "burgled" several times (by him). My Grandpa died relatively young and I think it was completely down to the stress of living with daily worry that he'd turn up; and with ending up with 4 pretty troubled grandchildren to bring up when they couldn't bear to send us back to live with the parents.

Hugs to anyone who is dealing with a hard time x

Aspie

My heart is breaking for you when you said "BUT ....he is mine and I will do my absolute best to teach him right from wrong and to make him become a decent adult

Do you know that there are support agencies who will help? It could be that he has severe MH problems and the service providers will have access to clinicians, respite services, therapy, psychologists etc.

Please don't think you have to do it all alone because he is yours.

You didn't make him aggressive, unpredictable or a thief. He is unable to understand boundaries and social requisites in spite of your careful teaching.

I could be wrong but I don't think previous convictions are carried forward once you turn 18.

ouryve

Your advice is excellent: I'd sooner call the police on him for help to have him safely restrained than beat him up so he needs to be hospitalised.

The police, paramedics, care-home staff for MH patients, secure units etc are all trained in how to SAFELY RESTRAIN. (They don't usually do it unless there are at least 3 people available and trained in the 'control and restrain' method - but 2 experienced people can do it safely if they are quick!)

Have retutned from the Police Station. They were very good. He was spoken to sternly and had to give all his details which were written down. Hopefully something has sunk in. He will be paying the money back.

sadwidow28 - CAMHS don't want to know. Have refused to see him even when he was absconding and threatening suicide. The autism charities don't have the capabilities to help in this area as they are mainly lay people so I have more "hands on" experience then them!. I did approach one local charity with an autism professional in the hope that we could set up a social skills support group but they did not want to do it. I have also approached others in the hope of privately hiring in their services - but again they either don't get back to me or are too busy. Respite is only available for those who have a Statement which he doesn't and won't get one due to the change in criteria. He did undergo some counselling recently but I did not see any benefits and as it is all "confidential" they are not allowed to share what was said so we did not get any insight to his anxieties etc.

I am glad that you have a supportive and appropriate outcome for today.

Perhaps others can suggest how they got additional support. (I was the Asst Principal in a residential college for young people with complex difficulties so I have only dealt with incoming referrals rather than having to refer)

When it started we lived with my gay husband, and my bf slept over. Then gh couldn't cope so we moved into a little flat, just me and d with bf sleeping over. Landlord needed flat back so d stayed with gm while I sofa surfed until a ha house came up, about five weeks. Then back to me and d in house with my bf sleeping over. Complex backstory with quite a few moves due to rental market, but it's mostly been me and d or d with gm while I found new place.

Maybe that's the trauma, the moving, I don't know. We were in the nicest house we'd got to when it started. Big bedrooms, ensuites, me and gh in good jobs so money to spend where there had previously been much less.

Oh yeah, how did we get so much assistance - my dad was kind enough to be very persistent on my behalf to get social services to offer help, the school did a lot, some stuff my dad paid for privately. Had it been up to me to secure help from multiple avenues, I don't know if I had the energy left. So I'm lucky to have had people fighting in my corner, lucky and appreciative.

We wouldn't have had as much help from camhs if it hadn't been for pressure and referrals from multiple sources- me, dad, school counsellor, gp. Plus two suicide attempts, the second of which came far to close to succeeding for comfort.

I had to be more open with people about what was going on in order to access help, and I'm naturally very VERY reserved, so that was hard. What else could I do but ask for help when I wasn't coping and she wasn't coping to the extent that she nearly succeeded in a suicide attempt?

This is truly awful. I'm honestly shocked by how many parents here have had their child become seriously violent towards them!

Well I am reassured and saddened at the same time by this post.

I am saddened by the effects cannabis has on teenagers. We are seeing that now with our 14year old.

I am reassured by knowing we aren't alone.

I am really hoping we can do something about our 14year olds smoking/cannabis addiction. I am sure like many people we started by trusting him when he said he had tried but hasn't since. Of course we have seen all the symptoms everybody has described. Absence from school , more violent outbursts (verbally mainly although extreme).
We are very worried and looking for help.

I have been trying to get my mum to call the police on my brother for a few years now. She won't as she wants him to be able to get a job and leave home at some point.

She has done everything but call the police and I'm pretty shocked at how little support is available to her tbh. She's tried Cahms, SS, their GP, a helpline, his school.

It is horrible hearing your mum say she thinks your brother is going to kill her one day soon.

ZOMBIE THREAD!!!

Oh FFS. Didn't notice it was a zombie.