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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a rude thing to say?

28 replies

taleoftwosatellites · 30/05/2015 19:56

I've been a SAHM for the last 5 years. I went back to Uni last year and have just been offered a job doing the thing that I went back to Uni to do. It involves supporting people in the community/nursing.

Was telling family member about it, how it was great hours, fits in well with the DC as they don't have to do full time hours at after school club.

Famiy member replies "that's the benefit because if you had a good job you'd probably never see them".

Um. It IS a good job? It might not be sitting at a desk --earning money for doing not very much like I used to do, but it is a good job. I haven't presented it as a crap job.

Clearly he thinks it is a crap job, well that's his perrogative but would you really say that out loud? FFS, he didn't even realise what he'd said and carried on "what's the point of having kids if you never see them" etc etc.

Just. GRRR.

I know it says more about him than me, but really, did he mean to be so rude? Would this just wash over you or would you think he was rude?

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Original poster
taleoftwosatellites · 30/05/2015 20:00

I kind of hope you'll all tell me AIBU now because I'm kicking myself for not calling him out on it and it's too late now.

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AuntyMag10 · 30/05/2015 20:03

Yanbu it is rude but I honestly would let it wash over me. I just can't be bothered with other people's stupid opinion.

TheCatsMother99 · 30/05/2015 20:03

I think it was rude. Every job is important IMO.

Just wait until he needs someone in your profession, we'll see how good and worthwhile he thinks it is then!

arkestra · 30/05/2015 20:06

Family member IBU. But you know that already Smile. Are they always as bad as that? If not, wonder why they came out with that comment: it is pretty rude... Maybe they are jealous that their own work isn't giving them the flexibility they want?

Original poster
taleoftwosatellites · 30/05/2015 20:06

I don't even know what he means by a 'good' job.

I have a horribly sneaking suspicion that because it involves working with people disabilities he considers it not a real job, I have met a couple of people who have reacted like this which I think is why I am upset (not because I give a shit what people think of my job but because I give a shit about some people's general attitude towards the people I work with/for).

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Original poster
taleoftwosatellites · 30/05/2015 20:08

Arkestra, he's not even a close family member so doesn't usually say things like that - he's my FIL fgs!

I think the rule that if you can't say anything nice you shouldn't say anything at all applies.

I know that I am oversensitive because I left a dull career to have DC but was probably what others would consider a 'good' job and now I am doing something that actually fulfills me and makes me happy and people are acting as though it's shit but at least it keeps me busy while the DC are at school Hmm

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Original poster
taleoftwosatellites · 30/05/2015 20:10

fgs was to FIL not to you Arkestra!

I feel like I'm dripfeeding now, sorry.

I was trying to get a picture of whether it was a rude thing to say without any of the other stuff but now I've started talking about I'm just ranting. Shouldn't really have put this in AIBU...

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WorraLiberty · 30/05/2015 20:12

If it fulfills you and makes you happy, chill out about it.

He's probably one of these people who equate 'good' with 'very well paid' and as most caring roles don't pay half as much as they should, he probably thinks it's not a good job.

He was very rude to give you his opinion uninvited.

But you're in a job you love, so try to keep that in mind and forget him.

Chchchchangeabout · 30/05/2015 20:13

He is an idiot with a skewed view of importance. What was his job?

WorraLiberty · 30/05/2015 20:13

X posted. Jeez you really are in a mood about this.

Do you always care this much about what other people think?

Original poster
taleoftwosatellites · 30/05/2015 20:13

Thanks worra, you're right.

He then went down the route of "after all, why have kids if you aren't even going to bother raising them yourself" so Hmm Hmm faces all round, really.

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Original poster
taleoftwosatellites · 30/05/2015 20:14

Financial Advisor chchchchch!

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Original poster
taleoftwosatellites · 30/05/2015 20:15

Um...not sure what brought that last response on Worra?

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CrapBag · 30/05/2015 20:15

My guess is he meant some sort of high powered career as a 'good job' and as this isn't that (not that there is anything goes wrong with caring as a job) then you are around for your children. I think it may have been a very clumsy attempt to reassure you. I think you may be a little over sensitive because of how you think people perceive your chosen job. Ignore them, what you do is one ones business. And it is good that you will be around more for your children. Smile

Original poster
taleoftwosatellites · 30/05/2015 20:17

Thanks crapbag.

My chosen job isn't caring though Smile

I'm not a carer, I'm a registered nurse.

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Original poster
taleoftwosatellites · 30/05/2015 20:17

Unless you meant carer in the wider sense?

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Original poster
taleoftwosatellites · 30/05/2015 20:21

I also doubt it was an attempt to "reassure me". You reassure people who are upset or uncertain, surely? Not people who are beaming and happy about their new job?

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CamberwellCarrot · 30/05/2015 20:26

Do you always care this much about what other people think?

I don't think I care what people think more than the average bear, but I might be pissed off if someone said this to me tbh.

UterusUterusGhali · 30/05/2015 20:31

"Why have kids if you aren't going to bother seeing them"

Said no one to a man, ever.

KirstyJC · 30/05/2015 20:31

Did your FIL have a job when he had his children? If so, I would have asked him why he bothered to have children .... I mean what was the point if he wasn't ever going to see them? That kind of comment makes me really cross!

He is being an arse - not least because he should have kept his opinions to himself. The only reply to someone who is beaming about their fantastic new job is to congratulate them.

Well done on your new job - it sounds really brilliant. Smile

Original poster
taleoftwosatellites · 30/05/2015 20:32

It's not so much that I care what he thinks - he thinks lots of horrible, bigoted things.

I care that he's rude enough to say it to my face in front of my DC because it shows a complete lack of respect for me.

What goes on in his head that I'm not party to doesn't bother me.

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Original poster
taleoftwosatellites · 30/05/2015 20:35

x-post, thanks kirsty :)

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AntiHop · 30/05/2015 20:58

Yanbu. He's an idiot. Sadly many people have this attitude towards professions like nursing. Being a nurse is one of the most important jobs there is. You'll have a massive impact on people's lives. Yet I bet your fil thinks that something like an investment banker is a 'real' job even though that job is just about making the rich richer.

AntiHop · 30/05/2015 21:04

Probably underpinning his views is the sexist notion that female dominated professions such as nursing aren't 'real jobs'.

Original poster
taleoftwosatellites · 30/05/2015 22:15

THanks antihop and yes, that sounds about right.

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