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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu... To not want to use

30 replies

EdmondDantes · 29/05/2015 08:43

Just really a question. When you get into a relationship do you not want to use something his/her ex did. Does it change when you get married?

An example would be a bed: fine when you first meet them, you can't expect them to get rid of bed but would you want your own bed if you then got married? One that he/she slept with someone else in.

Does it extend to anything else. Sheets, towels or even sex toys.

Only ask as finally after 8 years (5 married) together we are now considering getting rid of my bed that I had before we got together. (Only had it for 2 years before her) She asked for a change. However did not change it as she was not too fussed as and mattress (tempur) was seriously expensive

My consideration was purely economic and not bothered about any of her stuff.

OP posts:

WishUponAStar88 · 29/05/2015 08:45

Hell no to reusing sex toys. Nothing else would bother me.

FarFromAnyRoad · 29/05/2015 08:45

I simply can't care about shit like that. I think it might show a degree of emotional instability that could, if indulged, manifest in other ways in the future.

Happyringo · 29/05/2015 08:47

Sex toys absolutely no chance. Sheets and towels, I'd want new ideally. And the bed - yes, I'd like new once it was obvious relationship was committed. I certainly my wouldn't have it for years!

PurpleBananaPie · 29/05/2015 08:47

Why on earth would you want to use sex toys that someone else had used?? That's minging!!

Anything else, I don't think would bother me too much as I guess they would get replaced sooner or later as they wore out.

FarFromAnyRoad · 29/05/2015 08:47

However - the 'sex toys' component of your question is ridiculous and revolting.
If you've been together so long I don't imagine the reason she wants to get rid of the bed is what you're making it out to be. Your whole question is a bit...........odd.

ItsTricky · 29/05/2015 08:48

Seems very wasteful to replace a perfectly good bed. Sex toys though... eeeeeugh

whois · 29/05/2015 08:50

Bed, sofa, towels, duvet, kitchen equipment. Fine.

maybe I wouldn't be happy if there were some 'personal touches' like a display of photos she had put together, or some nick nacks clearly Her taste or something like that. Unless I had the same taste.

gamerchick · 29/05/2015 08:52

I would want to change a bed that old simply because it probably needs changing or i was sick of the sight of it and wanted a different one.

People bothered by shit like that would have them changed a lot sooner than that.

Also never share sex toys man!

whois · 29/05/2015 08:52

Oh my god I didn't see you want to reuse sex toys. I think that would be nicer to buy new. Even if they aren't 'intimate' objects she probably doesn't want a reminder of how you had sex with previous GF.

YsabellStoHelit · 29/05/2015 08:53

Replacing a bed that's 10 years old seems totally legit to me? This kind of stuff in my experience doesn't bother most people. Sheets/Towels would often be replaced upon a move in I would imagine as normally you would decorate and do it then. We still have the same bedframe DH had before he met me. We bought new sheets/towels when we got our first house. Replaced mattress when it got uncomfy. Saw no need to replace bed as it matches is still in decent condition I like it and its easy to move... (after 4 moves this is important to me lol)

mrschatty · 29/05/2015 08:56

Ok sex toys...yuck no way...

We lived with DH mim for a while before we moved out (pre wedding) and I slept in the bed he had for years...and had played host to many a lady before me...I never even considered it an issue tge sheets were clean!
When we moved out though we bought a new bed mattes everything and that old bed remains at his dm's!

Original poster

EdmondDantes · 29/05/2015 08:56

The sextoy element is purely theoretical. Simply seeing where people would draw a line. I to think that would be minging.

Tempur say mattress last 10 years so perfect timing for me to swap.

OP posts:

DisappointedOne · 29/05/2015 08:56

Depends what the sex toys are. Anything to be used on/in my bits, no thanks. Anything used to tie up or tickle, okay.

DisappointedOne · 29/05/2015 08:58

We're still sitting on the sofas that DH and his ex bought (been together 12 years) and still using the fridge they bought together too.

Totality22 · 29/05/2015 09:02

Second hand sex toys in general is a pretty grim notion!

However a ladies sex toy used with her ex is more acceptable to me than a blokes sex toy he used with an ex (massive M/F assumption about the relationship there of course!!)

When I started seeing OH he was still living at his folks, however thinking back he'd probably shagged a number of women in it - including his Ex of several years [it was an expensive bed / mattress and he'd had it for quite a while]. It never bothered me at the time but it certainly didn't come with us when we moved in together.

TheWernethWife · 29/05/2015 09:04

Where did the OP mention sex toys. I think some people have overexcited imaginations.

Totality22 · 29/05/2015 09:05

Sorry - what I just wrote made no sense! Second paragraph should have read:

When I started seeing OH he was still living at his folks and he had an expensive bed and mattress he'd had for years, so I know he'd he'd shagged a number of women in it - including his Ex of several years. It never bothered me at the time but it certainly didn't come with us when we moved in together.

FarFromAnyRoad · 29/05/2015 09:08

Where did the OP mention sex toys. I think some people have overexcited imaginations

Right there in the OP.

DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 29/05/2015 09:14

there you go Far
"Does it extend to anything else. Sheets, towels or even sex toys."

towels are also a personal item, you wouldnt want his/her clothes either

sex toys - are you having a laugh? why didnt you suggest a toothbrush, just as personal and WAY!!!!!! less creepy

TheWernethWife · 29/05/2015 09:27

Apologies farfrom - yeuk, that's all I can say then

BolshierAyraStark · 29/05/2015 09:31

Sex toys?! Wtf-err no, just no.

Whiteshirt · 29/05/2015 09:35

Think of it this way, your husband or wife is also secondhand, or 'pre-loved'.

IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 29/05/2015 09:40

Don't forget the carpets - bloody Ex walking all over them...

I personally wouldn't change any of the furniture, towels, linens etc, they have nothing to do with the relationship, they're incidentals.

Did you have to get rid of all your clothes & buy new when you first hooked up? (Just wondering what extreme people would take it to)...

HippyPottyMouth · 29/05/2015 09:41

XP was into light bondage and it didn't occur to me to think about who else he'd tied up with his stuff.

DH wanted a new bed when we got married, but I think it was as much because he found my bed uncomfortable as because of who else might have slept in it. Mine is now in the spare bedroom with a new mattress.

Sheets and towels get replaced when knackered, which is rare.

DH was keen to move into a house that was 'ours' rather than just mine, which I can understand.

Original poster

EdmondDantes · 29/05/2015 10:16

Did you have to get rid of all your clothes & buy new when you first hooked up? (Just wondering what extreme people would take it to)...

I didnt have to lose any clothes so to speak but I am sure some were snuck out of my wardrobe as she didn't like them.

OP posts:

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