To think I should have been told before arriving

[AtishooAtishooAtishoo]

I took DD (7 mo) to see my friend and her DD (4) two days ago. Prior to visiting we'd had a conversation on the phone to arrange times and had a general chat for a few minutes.

I arrived and two minutes after walking through the door, friend's DD was coughing all over DD. My friend asked her DD to cover her mouth when she coughs, then turned to me and said "She's got a cold."

AIBU to think she should have mentioned this before I went round there? I now have a snotty, crying baby who's feeling very sorry for herself and will now only sleep upright on me. I've had very little sleep and have had to cancel plans. I'm aware the lack of sleep could be clouding my judgement so happy to be told IABU (and a bit PFB )

Once children start school or nursery there is a period of constant coughs/colds/conjunctivitis. It could just be that your friend is in this cycle with her DD and was a little thoughtless.

Conversely I nearly caused WW3 (twice in a week actually) when I refused to take DD1 to SIL's house as her kids had chickenpox and DD1 hadn't had it. I did send DH and DS though.

I then compounded my transgressions boy making it clear that a long standing invitation to our house was withdrawn if they were still contagious. Everyone told me to stop making a fuss. I just said, if they come with spots, DD and I are going out for the day, I'm not staying got her to get infected (and I'm not tidying up either)

I would be the same as you about chickenpox.

I wouldn't have been annoyed if her DD was carrying a virus which my DD subsequently caught if my friend wasn't aware of it, it's just because she blatantly had symptoms and we'd spoken on the phone that day so had plenty of opportunity to warn me.

A little bit PFB

I have to say that I would normally warn people if it is a bad cold with constant snot and coughing. Probably less so with a milder cold, especially with a 4yo - this will be the hundredth cold your friend has dealt with and she probably doesn't think much of it at all.

It's horrible when your baby has a cold. But I think it would be a bit PFB to cancel visits to see people for a standard cold with a 7mo. They are going to have to catch the cold at some point.

Um yep definitely BU & PFB, but you know that already

Your baby could have picked up the cold from the lady you passed in the street on the way to get some milk on Sunday (IYKWIM).

It's shit when babies get colds but can't be helped, builds their immune system

If I cancelled plans every time one of my dds had a cold I would be housebound and company free.
However, It wouldn't have hurt for her to have told you whilst you were on the phone.

Unreasonable if you had a 7 week old, not unreasonable with a 7 month old, who is presumably out and about in general and could catch a cold from lots of places

To be honest, at that age they're constantly down with something and you kind of forget that that isn't normal for everyone. And you are totally relaxed about the idea.

She definitely thought you were being pfb. If your child is normally healthy then a cold will do her no long term harm at all, and gives her immune system a gentle workout. I know it's miserable for you both now but those are the breaks. Resign yourself to getting nothing done, and stick a box set on.

But do teach your children to cover their mouths when they cough or sneeze. The earlier the better. They won't remember reliably for years but eventually it will be second nature.

hmm, I would and have told the other family if/when my DD had a cold and they had a small baby - under a year. Every time I was told not to worry about it.

When meeting with older children, I don't think I'd mention a cold, unless DD would be really ill - sneezing/ coughing and spraying . but then we would just not meet up. Once they're in nurser/ pre-school, you'd never leave the house if you waited for them to be completely germ free, I'm afraid.

I would mention it, to anyone who was coming round. Unless it was a tiny sniffle.

yanbu.

Ds3 is 2 and he had a cold the other week - little toddler approached him on the school run and I warned her Mum, who swept in and lifted her away from him.

I think it is important that people mention these things. It just means a lot of hassle particularly with a baby who can't breathe properly or sleep etc.

Yes she probably should have mentioned it but if you have a 4 year old then it's probably easier to mention the times they don't have a cold .
www.cf.ac.uk/biosi/subsites/cold/commoncold.html
"It has been estimated that adults suffer 2 to 5 colds per year, and school children may suffer 7 to 10 colds per year."

If you have two or more young DC then someone in your household probably has a cold most of the time.

YANBU. This would piss me off. Yes, they will eventually get a cold but try and avoid it for as long as you can. A 7 month old getting a cold is a lot different to a 2 year old getting one.

AuditAngel - your SIL sounds like a right pain in the ass. Why would she actually want to inflict chicken pox on your DC? Selfish inconsiderate twat.

Hmm I'm afraid I think YAB a little U. When DD was really tiny we always let the rest of the NCT group know when one of them had a cold so they could avoid if they wanted, but we had all given up by about 4 months! Colds are inevitable unfortunately and you can't jeep them protected from illnesses forever.

At first I thought you were being a bit PFB. But no I don't think YABU. It's a bit annoying that your baby has caught this cold. A seven month old being miserable is no fun for anyone. Hope she gets better soon.

Thanks everyone. A mixed bag of responses. Those who think IABU, thanks for pointing it out nicely

Out of interest, if your 9-12 mo were like this and only happy being held, would you still take them to nursery and go to work? Unless I make DD live in a bubble, I'm going to have this dilemma soon when I have to go back to work. Or are they generally a bit more resilient as they get a tiny bit older?

YABU if it was a standard sniffly cold and your DC isn't immunosuppressed. DD is 5yo and often sniffs or sneezes but isn't unwell. I'm always carrying around a pack of tissues for her.

YANBU if it was more than that, so a temperature, feeling unwell and generally a nastier type of cold.

Plus, you have no idea where your 7mo might have caught the cold from, once they're grabbing stuff, they'll be eating bugs from everywhere. I find a snot sucker a good investment for babies who can't blow their noses yet.

I think chicken pox is a bit polarised. We didn't deliberately expose DD to it but friends wanted to come around to catch it (which we refused/ignored). Another friend's DD was seriously unwell with it which is why I didn't expose DD to it deliberately.

I might try them at nursery, if I felt they were just a bit cranky rather than actually poorly. But at that age we used a CM so I'm not sure what nursery rules are. Our CM only excluded if the illness was contagious, or if the child was so ill (or grumpy) they couldn't take part in the day's activities. A happy but snotty child was fine, even one who wanted a few more cuddles than usual.

Regarding going to work, you'll have to leave them with a sniffle at nursery or CM at some point otherwise you'll never get to work , I find the best thing is just to do it rather than agonise over it. They will be fine and are unlikely to remember it anyway! The CM or nursery will also call you if they go a bit more downhill.

Your 'bigger' problems will be the stuff that excludes your child from a setting, so chicken pox, hand foot and mouth, D&V etc, especially if they're not actually that ill. You end up needing a tonne of time off work which often doesn't go down brilliantly well, especially if you start asking to be off work for every cough and sniffle too.

i only cancel visits if one of is bedridden with a cold or as others have said we would be home alone all year.

How about you inform your visitor if your child is ill and let THEM decide if they want to come anyway or postpone? Basic consideration, surely?

YANBU in my opinion OP.

You will get endless replies saying there's nothing wrong with a friend exposing you to their kid's germs, but I would have been raging.

Yes, kids get constant colds, but if I can avoid exposing my child to a cold (which will of course rampage around the entire family for weeks) then damn right I will!

If it were just a sniffle I wouldn't be too bothered but my poor PFB has a temp and is really unhappy. She's had colds before and been her usual self pretty much I've just had to dodge the snot but this is worse than she's been before

Huh not happy that your friend exposed your baby to a cold but you would be happy to expose your baby to a nursery full of babies and children if she had a cold...interesting

Was that aimed at me gofuckyourself?

If so, you may have misinterpreted my last post. I meant that I wouldn't have been too bothered about my friend not mentioning her DD'd cold if my DD just ended up with a sniffle.