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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get rid of the dog

41 replies

VivienScott · 23/05/2015 09:03

Urgh, I know this is a contentious issue and for the record, I am wholeheartedly against people getting animals then getting rid of them because they no longer fit in with a lifestyle or you didn't think about it properly.

My now ex bought a dog, against my wishes TBH, while we were together that he has left with me as he can't take him with him. He wants me to keep the dog, he wants the dog, but can't take it to his now accomodation.

The dog in question is a lovely dog, he's gentle and would not hurt a fly. He's not even 2 and a pedigree. However, I work and he can't be left alone. He's gone through carpets, doors, door frames to get a dog gate off so he can get into the house and destroy stuff, sofas, wellies, an expensive pair of glasses, you name it, if he's left without human company he will eat it. If there's someone home, he's fine but he can't be left and I can't give up a job to look after him and I can't afford to put him in dog creche when I'm at work. My ex works nights so when we were together there was generally someone home, and he is normally OK for an hour or so. He's also more than half my weight, so he's too strong for me on walks really.

The kids adore him and will be heart broken if I get rid, and I've asked family and friends, but because they know what he's like, no-one wants him. He really needs to be either on a farm or in a family where he will be looked after 24/7. I feel like sh!t saying it because I know how pushed to the limit re-homing charities are, but AIBU to get rid of the dog?

OP posts:
Icimoi · 23/05/2015 09:04

It sounds to me as if it would really be kinder to the dog to rehome him.

paxtecum · 23/05/2015 09:08

Rehome him it will be kinder. The kids will get over it.

Original poster
VivienScott · 23/05/2015 09:09

I do think it would be kinder to rehome it Icimoi, I've thought it for a long time, even before I split up with ex. I think I'm struggling with the idea of over burdening a stretched charity with my dog, and also the thought of leaving him for goodness knows how long trpped in a pen until someone adopts him. I imagine he would go fairly quickly as he is pedigree, but it still doesn't sit right with me :-(

OP posts:
diddl · 23/05/2015 09:09

Can your ex pay for him to be looked after whilst you work?

Would a dog walker a couple of times a day be enough?

SunshineAndShadows · 23/05/2015 09:10

If he's a specifics breed then speak to the relevant breed rescue society. They may find it easier to home him than a general rescue

lougle · 23/05/2015 09:11

What steps have you tried to stop the behaviour? What sort of dog is he? Would you be prepared to keep him while an adoptive home was found via rescue?

Charlotte3333 · 23/05/2015 09:12

I think there are genuine reasons for rehoming the dog, and it sounds as though he's going to be stressed long-term being left alone while you work. However, could you try getting someone to go in and walk him a couple of times while you work or would he still destroy stuff? Or try a crate? Our spaniel gets stressed on the days I work as we're out of the house from 8am-5pm so we've got a fab lady locally to call in and take her on two walks each day to keep her a bit calmer and it's worked wonders.

DinosaursRoar · 23/05/2015 09:12

There are dog walkers and dog sitters in our town, worth finding out how much they cost. Also advertise for one, some older people would love to have a dog but don't want to be tied to one and the costs, give someone a bit extra cash and the chance to share the dog might be a good idea.

I'd explore other options before saying the dog has to go.

SoldierBear · 23/05/2015 09:12

Have you looked for rehoming charities specific to the breed, OP?
There are a number of these, volunteers who foster the dog in their own home until a permanent home is found.
It's clear you want the best for the dog. Best of luck.

Only1scoop · 23/05/2015 09:12

Lots of good ideas already here.

Yanbu it's not fair on the dog.

Rudawakening · 23/05/2015 09:12

If he is a pedigree with KC papers then Google for a breed specific rescue, they might have a foster family he can go to, or a list of people that want that breed. Better than sending him to a local rescue that might put him to sleep if not re-homed.

gamerchick · 23/05/2015 09:13

I was just thinking that.. If your ex wants you to keep him then he should be coughing up the cost of having all his needs met.. Including doggy daycare shouldn't he?

SoldierBear · 23/05/2015 09:14

I see Sunshine said it first!
There are often people who love a specific breed and will jump at the chance of rehoming one.

Oliversmumsarmy · 23/05/2015 09:16

Why doesn't your ex pay for the doggie creche

Rudawakening · 23/05/2015 09:17

The thing with a dog walker is that if the dog is too big for the OP to walk an older person or someone who has 2-3 dogs at a time will struggle even more. Especially if he isn't trained to walk properly and just pulls all the time.

He sounds like he needs someone to take time and train him, and be home a lot.

ahbollocks · 23/05/2015 09:18

My dad pays for doggy creche, around 15 quid a day, expensive but worth it. Your ex should pay.

BabyGanoush · 23/05/2015 09:18

your ex should pay for daycare/dogwalker!

What breed is it? Surely it lis not "normal" for a dog to destroy the place?

DarkHeart · 23/05/2015 09:18

There is a website for people who want to "borrow" a dog think it is called borrowmydoggy - you may find a couple of people there willing to care for him in the day. Also try a crate and a kong?

Original poster
VivienScott · 23/05/2015 09:21

He's a spaniel so he's not a breed that can really be left. My ex won't pay for him (but that's a whole different story, he wants me to keep the dog but won't pay and wants access to him, essentially I think it's a way to keep himself in my life) I already have a dog walker for him, and I also have another dog of my own who is here as canine company. He screams blue murder if I attempt to put him in a cage and I don't think it's fair to do it all day. Both dogs are confined to the utility room which has beds, food, water, access to the garden. I think I will have to bit the bullet and do some ringing round. I'm happy to keep him for a few weeks, I will try breeed specific ones, I hadn't thought of that. He isn't KC registered but hopefully they might help, if not point me in the direction of someone who can! Thanks all.

OP posts:
GrrrrrBear · 23/05/2015 09:24

I know it doesn't helwith the rehoming but is he trained? Does he get any walks?

Rudawakening · 23/05/2015 09:27

What kind of spaniel is he? Is he neutered as that can help as well.

diddl · 23/05/2015 09:27

I think if your ex won't pay then that's that tbh.

Especially if you think that he is doing it to see you.

If was a case of a time scale when he would be in a place where he could have the dog, that might be different.

If the dog would just be left all day when your ex could have him, then rehome now.

Dowser · 23/05/2015 09:28

Definitely not unreasonable at all. When we got together on a permanent basis we both decide to rehome our pets. He had a staffi and I a fluffy Persian.

He didnt like cats and I'm not keen on dogs. So we gave up our pets together .
A sad day because once we were left on our own by our partners our lifestyles had changed too much.

I still feel upset about it but we did what was right for the animals. I don't think I could ever get another pet though.

Oliversmumsarmy · 23/05/2015 09:34

My darling girl who sadly passed away a few years ago used to eat everything in sight even if someone was with her, a df had the same problem with her Labrador. Df invested in several bottles of Tabasco sauce and a paint brush and painted her furniture, doors, anything that was a hard surface. It didn't stop him completely but it did help.

LaurieFairyCake · 23/05/2015 09:34

Are you going to keep your dog and just get rid of the spaniel?

I think you're doing the right thing - my spaniel died at christmas and he couldn't be left either, he had separation anxiety and only managed a short while alone (he was a lovely dog)

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