Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To be seeing an empty space where my future should be?

43 replies

Underafricansky · 13/05/2015 19:12

I feel like there's nothing to look forward to at all.

I should be married with at least one child. I am not no prospect of being so either.

My career is in tatters.

I can't seem to embrace a healthy life.

I am so sick of myself just now and I honestly try not to be self pitying but i just want to cry. There's nothing in the future for me.

OP posts:

The80sweregreat · 13/05/2015 19:16

Might be a ggod idea to move this to the mental health forum on here, you will,get lots of advice n there. Wish you better.

somelikeitcold · 13/05/2015 19:16

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time. Are you ill? is it the illness that has affected your career? do you have any close family of friends you can speak to?

SeaMedows · 13/05/2015 19:17

I'm sorry you feel that way. I know how hard it is to feel your life is empty of all that could give it meaning.

It may not always be true for you, and I think it's likely that you will be in a better place a year from know, but I know that's doesn't make it any easier now.

I wanted you to know that someone was listening to and appreciated your pain.

Kayakwonder · 13/05/2015 19:25

Sending virtual hugs to you underafricansky.
Is there anything in life that gives you a sense of pleasure or satisfaction that you can expand upon?
If you love cats for example, can you volunteer at the local animal shelter at weekends?.. If you're computer-savvy then clubs or homes for elderly or disadvantaged people would appreciate you helping out there.
It sometimes helps to find meaning from life by helping others.

Original poster

Underafricansky · 13/05/2015 19:40

Thanks - I'm not ill :) just tired out with it all I think. This isn't how life is supposed to be.

OP posts:

Gem124 · 13/05/2015 19:45

It's never to late to change your situation. Is there a reason your career is in tatters or do you just not enjoy it?

Original poster

Underafricansky · 13/05/2015 19:51

I did well at it then I had to leave and now i have no references

OP posts:

Gem124 · 13/05/2015 19:57

Do you have previous jobs you could get references from? Or is restraining an option?

somelikeitcold · 13/05/2015 20:05

OP how long had you been at your last job and have you just left? Could you get a reference form your employer that was before the last one?
Its a bit unclear what you mean by not being able to embrace a healthy life....just because you're not married with a child doesn't mean you've failed in life. Although I do understand the feeling when it's something you strongly desire. Do you have a close group of friends that you socialise with?

Original poster

Underafricansky · 13/05/2015 20:08

Not really. It needs to be my last employer and I screwed up (can't go into details)

OP posts:

Gem124 · 13/05/2015 20:30

Could you not explain your mistake to your potential new employer? Or retrain?

fearandloathinginambridge · 13/05/2015 21:58

In terms of not being married, please leave that to one side for now. Let me tell you that being married isn't the answer.

When you say you can't embrace a healthy lifestyle what do you mean? Do you mean excessive drinking ir drugging? Sorry if that's not what you mean but if it is then you need to deal with that as a priority.

Original poster

Underafricansky · 13/05/2015 22:07

Lol no I'm teetotal and never touched a drug in my life.

OP posts:

fearandloathinginambridge · 13/05/2015 22:08

So where are the health concerns coming from?

fearandloathinginambridge · 13/05/2015 22:09

How old are you?

Original poster

Underafricansky · 13/05/2015 22:10

I'm overweight (don't say lose it, please!)

I'm nearly 35.

OP posts:

fearandloathinginambridge · 13/05/2015 22:20

OK. i am married and have one child. I feel like my future is empty and terrifying. I'm not going to hijack your thread by telling you why but I really think forget the married with kids thing. The focus, for now, needs to be you as an individual. You need to think about how you can get past the work issues, how, if you want to, lose excess weight and get healthy.

Have you ever seen a therapist or counsellor?

Original poster

Underafricansky · 13/05/2015 22:22

I have yes. I know being married isn't the be all and end all and you can be unhappily married but it doesn't change the fact I have never had sex with someone I love or loves me, never been held or touched, never been loved or wanted and never will. That's rubbish. I'll be ok I'm sure but I just wanted to get it out there.

OP posts:

fearandloathinginambridge · 13/05/2015 22:27

It's not rubbish at all. I am sorry to hear that has been your experience. Beyond sorry.

Was your therapy helpful?

MetallicBeige · 13/05/2015 22:47

Have you posted before op? There was a poster very similar who felt in a muddle, didn't know where to start, didn't want to lose weight, she didn't find MN very helpful at the time. You sound in a similar spot.
It's so difficult when everything overwhelms you, pick the most achievable thing you would like to change the most and start with that.

Lovelydiscusfish · 13/05/2015 22:54

Have little useful to add, but didn't want to read and run. So sorry for your struggles, OP. You say that you will never be loved or wanted - I am sure you are a loveable person, and that your future could hold these things.
Are there any steps you could take now, however small, that could move you in the direction of the happiness you seek? Is there anything you could do, just now, tonight, that might make you feel better?
Thinking of you.

daisychain01 · 13/05/2015 23:19

Re the career being in tatters, don't worry about having a "gap" in your CV, you can include the job, all the relevant experience you gained, then state the reason for leaving was because you "decided to look for a new challenge". You can state a preference for a prospective employer not to contact them and they have to respect that. If you have other referees to use instead, then it won't matter anyway.

The main thing is not to worry unduly that your job hasn't gone well. Everyone hits speed bumps in their career. Just move forward from it and get on with a new job search. You'll soon find something new!

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 14/05/2015 03:48

Sorry you're having such a rubbish time!

With potential mates/partners/husbands - are you managing to get yourself out into the dating scene or at least doing things whixh mean you are meeting new people?

Jackieharris · 14/05/2015 05:55

Have you thought about life coaching?

You need to break your life up into things that are important to you eg career, money, health, family, friends, home, spirituality, and analyse what you want to improve.

Think of where you want to be in 5/10 years time and work back in steps what actions you need to take to get there.

Eg if you want a child have you looked into sperm donors or adoption/fostering?

With weight/health I'd consider having a 'health' goal like being able to walk 5/10 miles rather than a weight target.

Good luck.

tobysmum77 · 14/05/2015 06:22

In terms of your career unless you've been sacked for something truly awful no reference from a previous employer is a set back not the end of everything.

It happened to me so I know it's tricky (and seems like the end at the time) but it's not insurmountable. What was your job?

Flip

1 2