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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder when divorce might be the answer?

31 replies

Nativity3 · 09/05/2015 18:05

At what point would you say to yourself "enough is enough" and leave?

Some examples:

Wife had broken leg (on the mend but still most of leg in plaster) and a sickness bug plus a screaming 9 month old baby. Husband refuses to help wife walk baby up and down as he feels 'a bit queasy'. Goes up to bed and leaves wife to try and walk child up and down the living room with a broken leg while vomiting into a bucket every 10 mins. Doesn't reappear till morning Angry

Wife upset after brother in law died and husband shouted at her to stop feeling sorry for herself. Offered no sympathy and was just nasty about it.

Leaving him has been mentioned once or twice but he made it very clear that because he controls all their money, he would royally screw her over. She has no access to the online bank accounts as he refuses to give password.

Wife had I jury requiring stitches which meant she needed to sit in a funny way. Every time he walked past he claimed her leg was in the way and shouted at her and told her she didn't need to rest her stitches like that.

He cannot see he has done anything wrong and feels very hard done by in life. Wife took dd shopping today and he rung up at 3pm (they went at 9) asking where they were as he wanted lunch. Hmm

Angry I feel stupidly emotional writing this. Not to mention pretty angry!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 09/05/2015 18:07

It makes me wonder why the wife not only married him but then went on to have a baby with him.

For me personally, divorce would definitely be the answer.

FarFromAnyRoad · 09/05/2015 18:08

Your point of enough being enough has long since passed. Nobody deserves this kind of treatment - you don't and your baby doesn't. It might be an idea to get this moved to Relationships where you'll get some really good advice. Good luck Flowers

namechangeafternamechange · 09/05/2015 18:09

Wow.....just.....wow Shock leave as soon as is humanly possible.

fiveacres · 09/05/2015 18:09

Worra in the general that's a fair question. In the specific, it isn't. The poster needs support.

KingJoffreyFanciesDarylDixon · 09/05/2015 18:10

Divorce?

I'd chop his ball off and feed them to the dog.

She can do loads better.

WorraLiberty · 09/05/2015 18:12

fiveacres the poster hasn't admitted to being the wife.

Nolim · 09/05/2015 18:13

I read the first example and my reaction is ltb

Fluffcake · 09/05/2015 18:14

Can wife think of any positive reasons to want to stay?
Are bank accounts joint?
Suggest wife speak to CAB or get a free first appointment with a solicitor if separation is the way to go.

MildDrPepperAddiction · 09/05/2015 18:15

Divorce is most definitely the answer here.

Sunny67 · 09/05/2015 18:15

I would say a discreet solicitors appointment, proper advice for the financial side. He sounds enormously controlling so telling her that as he's in charge of the money he can make sure she gets nothing is an easy way to keep her in check and scare her in his eyes.

Morelikeguidelines · 09/05/2015 18:19

Agree that the point of no return has long passed. Flowers

MitzyLeFrouf · 09/05/2015 18:20

Any life away from this man would be preferable to one with him.

MitzyLeFrouf · 09/05/2015 18:21

I feel really sad for her and hope she finds the strength to break away.

woowoo22 · 09/05/2015 18:22

Yesterday. Today.

That is sickening.

If you are the wife OP, do it tomorrow.

He won't be able to screw you over financially. Get a lawyer, go see CAB.

Mintyy · 09/05/2015 18:25

She is "lucky" they are married, because the courts will see that money and assets are divided fairly.

She needs to see a solicitor and file for divorce.

hidingfromthem · 09/05/2015 18:55

Yes, divorce is overdue here.

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 09/05/2015 18:58

Divorce is the answer now.

What a disgusting specimen of a man.

She needs some real life support and reassurance that the courts will support her. She needs to see a lawyer.

MsAspreyDiamonds · 09/05/2015 19:23

The wife needs to speak to Women's aid, a solicitor and the CAB.

A discrete online bank account needs to be opened and all the statements can be accessed online so no paper copies. Any spare Money including child benefit needs to be discretely paid into the new account, save any change serfdom shopping & housekeeping and quietly put it away.

Locate and make copies of all the husband's financial history, statements, savings, bonds, shares etc and hide it, give it to someone trustworthy for safe keeping (solicitor, family etc).

Have passport & own paperwork ready.

Use the private browsing facility on pc or delete your browsing history. The wife needs to box clever with this man, she should not mention divorce at all until she has all the financial history ready for the solicitors.

All financial, emotional & physical abuse incidents should be logged in a book. If she feels threatened then she should call 101 & ask them to record the incident but not charge or talk to him. He shouldn't be made aware of her separation plans but if he does become violent or malicious later then the police are already aware of his record.

fortunately · 09/05/2015 19:28

Divorce, divorce, divorce.

I did, and I've never, ever looked back. Often divorce is absolutely the best and most positive step.

Marynary · 09/05/2015 19:36

I doesn't sound good at all. It would be better to split up now than when the baby is older (I think). Are the bank accounts in joint names? If so, the wife should be able to get access with her own passwords. The wife should also see a solicitor.

MsAspreyDiamonds · 09/05/2015 19:42

Women's Aid has a 24he free help line

www.womensaid.org.uk/

TheVeryHungryPreggo · 09/05/2015 19:48

If the bank accounts are in joint names she should be able to go into branch with ID and get her own access codes set up, and in the meantime a printed out statement of each account if she wants it.

londonrach · 09/05/2015 19:56

First one. Which husband or wife wouldnt support their other half with sickness bug! Tbh who wouldn support anyone. Sounds like wife needs alot of support!

londonrach · 09/05/2015 20:01

Was ignoring the baby and the broken leg which make this person even worse. Just support when you got that bug! Ive cleaned out bowls and cleaned up when dh is sick and dh done to same. Its what makes us human looking after those who are unwell. Dh hates it and does it with mouth under jumper but strokes back whilst being sick and holds hair. He then boils kettle and washes everything and cleans light switch etc with cleaner (all whilst jumper over mouth...offers magic protection). I do the same for anyone!

beezlebop · 09/05/2015 20:20

Ltb x