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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be wistful for when my DC were very young

65 replies

notnow2 · 29/04/2015 20:13

They are now 7,6 and 3 and a few years ago it was hard, tiring and somewhat monotonous. However, I already feel like I am losing them to independence and that's the best times been and gone and I can't really remember through the fug of it all and I never made the most of it all and

OP posts:
Musicaltheatremum · 29/04/2015 20:20

Aw, I know how you feel. I'm just texting my son now who is 19, my daughter is 22. They are both away from home. I miss them and I yearn for some of the times we had although they do still come with me. I suppose you have to look at being a mum as brining them up and guiding them through to adulthood as hopefully decent human beings. Mine are fantastic "kids" they've been through a lot (lost their dad aged 19 and 16 so very close) just enjoy it.

littlejohnnydory · 29/04/2015 20:31

YANBU.

TheRealMaryMillington · 29/04/2015 20:33

You just have to enjoy the now.
It's the only way to get through!

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 29/04/2015 20:33

YANBU Mine are in their twenties now, I do miss some of the times when they were younger.

Saying that, I see my neighbour with her toddlers and sometimes it's lovely, other times I'm glad I'm beyond that stage. And I could not go back to broken nights, I love to sleep undisturbed.

I suppose it's a bit like pregnancy and labour - you tend to remember the good bits, but forget the pain, exhaustion and goo Grin

PacificDogwood · 29/04/2015 20:36

YANBU to feel what you feel. Thanks

YABU to not recognise that you have a severe case of rose tinted spectacles Wink
IMO babies/toddler/young children grow up because it's so hard looking after them.
I cherish and relish their growing independence, love every minute of it, even if I have an occasional pang.

measles64 · 29/04/2015 20:36

The Last Time
From the moment you hold your baby in your arms,
you will never be the same.
You might long for the person you were before,
When you have freedom and time,
And nothing in particular to worry about.
the last time poem
Image found on Pinterest
You will know tiredness like you never knew it before,
And days will run into days that are exactly the same,
Full of feedings and burping,
Nappy changes and crying,
Whining and fighting,
Naps or a lack of naps,
It might seem like a never-ending cycle.
But don’t forget …
There is a last time for everything.
There will come a time when you will feed
your baby for the very last time.
They will fall asleep on you after a long day
And it will be the last time you ever hold your sleeping child.
One day you will carry them on your hip then set them down,
And never pick them up that way again.
You will scrub their hair in the bath one night
And from that day on they will want to bathe alone.
They will hold your hand to cross the road,
Then never reach for it again.
They will creep into your room at midnight for cuddles,
And it will be the last night you ever wake to this.
One afternoon you will sing “the wheels on the bus”
and do all the actions,
Then never sing them that song again.
They will kiss you goodbye at the school gate,
The next day they will ask to walk to the gate alone.
You will read a final bedtime story and wipe your last dirty face.
They will run to you with arms raised for the very last time.
The thing is, you won’t even know it’s the last time
Until there are no more times.
And even then, it will take you a while to realize.
So while you are living in these times,
remember there are only so many of them
and when they are gone, you will yearn for just one more day of them.
For one last time

Mrsjayy · 29/04/2015 20:38

My dd left school today it feels like last week she started. You have 3 children nobody really remembers everything just enjoy now once they are grown and have time to take a breather you will remember growing up is fab honestly

WasabiNuts · 29/04/2015 20:40

measles, that brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for sharing.

Musicaltheatremum · 29/04/2015 20:50

measles you brought a tear to my eye too.

PacificDogwood · 29/04/2015 20:56

See, I love the idea that from the second the umbilical chord is cut our children move away from us - isn't it fabulous?!
I love to see every tiny step of advancing autonomy and independence.

Cuteness is only there to trick us into looking after them Wink

TravellingToad · 29/04/2015 21:01

YANBU but you're looking at it with rose tinted glasses. I have a 1 year old and a 2year old and feel like im living in groundhog day. I need a break or i'm going to scream and I get short tempered with them.

They're bloody gorgeous but nap time is my fav time of the day!

Doubtless in a few years I'll be like you tho, looking back at photos of podgy babies and toothy toddler grins and sobbing that they're not like that anymore ;)

AlbertHerbertHawkins · 29/04/2015 21:05

Are you mad? Enjoy your unbroken sleep. I enjoy my kids much more with each passing year.

ScarlettDarling · 29/04/2015 21:44

measles that poem is so true...I have a lump in my throat.

alwaysstaytoolong · 29/04/2015 21:46

Me and my brother are almost 40 but my Mum has always said the happiest times of her life were pushing my brother in the pram with me (two years older) balancing on the frame. The picnics we had on a blanket in the lounge because it was raining, chasing us upstairs to bed with the 'last one up gets a pinch on the bum' (nobody ever got pinched, it was just a fun race!). The Christmas eves and mornings etc.

She undoubtedly is looking back with rose tinted specs and forgetting the hard work (and trying to make up for the years in our adolescence when she was frankly, a shit Mum because of her own issues).

But knowing her and the life she led before and after we were born - I believe her when she says they were the happiest times for her.

And me and my brother have nothing but happy, safe and warm memories from those times. That's why we can forgive the stuff that happened later because we knew and loved the Mum she was. And is again now.

feebeecat · 29/04/2015 21:52

YANBU
And Measles I'm now a blubbing mess. But thank you for sharing.

Gennz · 29/04/2015 21:57

measles before I had DS I would have rolled my eyes at that poem.

Now I am teary! I am v hormonal and sleep deprived.

PacificDogwood · 29/04/2015 22:01

Hm.
I am not v keen things like that poem: much as its undoubtably true, I find it mawkish and contributing to this whole 'magic of motherhood' myth that I find quite damaging for those mother/parents who are really struggling.

I think grandchildren are the way forward - all the time to enjoy them without ALL the responsibility and, crucially, the expectation that they are to be handed back Grin

MillionToOneChances · 29/04/2015 22:04

Oh you have lots of time yet. Mine are 10 and 13 and we still have lovely family times. Only 5 years til eldest leaves school, though...

MillionToOneChances · 29/04/2015 22:06

I do catch myself cuddling my baby nephew and whispering "you'll do fun stuff with Auntie Million in ten years when my kids have grown up, won't you darling?"

OutsSelf · 29/04/2015 22:08

A Cradle Song

The angels are stooping
Over your bed
They grow weary of trooping
With the whimpering dead

God's laughing in Heaven
To see you so good
The shining seven
Grow gay with his with his mood

I kiss you and kiss you
My pigeon, my own
Oh, how I'll miss you
When you are grown

soverylucky · 29/04/2015 22:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KERALA1 · 29/04/2015 22:12

Mine are 8 and 6 and just want to freeze them now. We have much more fun now than in the drudge of pre schoolers. We all went pony trekking together as a family recently and can all go out for dinner and talk about books I love it!

chickydoo · 29/04/2015 22:13

Don't be so sad.
I have a 19 almost 20 year old who lives away from home.
She phones every day, I see her every week or two, I adore her.
We plan days out ( she still holds my hand) I kiss her & still brush her hair, and yes I moan when she leaves mess everywhere when she comes back.
My 16 year old son gives me a hug every day, and makes me coffee when ever I ask, he will leave very soon too. We will get on even better, I just know it. I have adored every stage of my children's lives, and continue to marvel at them everyday.
I feel blessed.

wispywoo1 · 29/04/2015 22:15

measles you've set me off crying and my baby isn't even born yet!

Rivercam · 29/04/2015 22:19

Measles - what a lovely poem.

I was watching a dad with his toddler daughter running around around a small pillar and I felt nostalgic for those days. My boys are now 15 and 13 and I feel the days are zooming past.