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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be wistful for when my DC were very young

65 replies

notnow2 · 29/04/2015 20:13

They are now 7,6 and 3 and a few years ago it was hard, tiring and somewhat monotonous. However, I already feel like I am losing them to independence and that's the best times been and gone and I can't really remember through the fug of it all and I never made the most of it all and

OP posts:
Wincher · 29/04/2015 22:21

I'm in the thick of it with a 4.5 y.o. and a 20 month old, and I know I'll be so nostalgic for these times when they are gone. I find myself almost consciously trying to remember the shit stuff to remind my future self it wssnt all plain sailing. Tbh most days I can't wait to be out of the toddler phase, but I already know from ds1 that it passes soon enough, andI know I'll miss it when it's gone.

magimedi · 29/04/2015 22:24

I am with Pacific here - it's all a process of letting go & fitting them to be able to function as independent people.

So I give you this poem:

On Children
 Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

My DC is now an adult & we have a wonderful relationship as two adults.

And I am about to become a grandmother - & can't wait! About 5 weeks to go!

It's been the best bit of being a parent.

Allstoppedup · 29/04/2015 22:27

Gah! I clicked on this to (lightheartedley) say YABU as my 16 month old has been a horror todayGrin

But I've ended up a sobbing, pregnant, hormonal mess! Ahhhh my babies will grow up! sob

Flowers for you all!

BrieAndChilli · 29/04/2015 22:38

My youngest is starting school in September and although I'm looking forward to being able to get a different job that's not evenings I am feeling very bereft (but not enough for a 4th child!)
It's the ends of a 8.5 year era for me of having a small child at home, and I have loved every stage and I know there's more to come but there's something special about a cuddle with a little person, all I get from my 8 year old is a 2 sec hug if I'm lucky! He does have aspergers though which affects his social side but I miss having a baby sleep on me.
When they are little you can control where there are and whath They do but as they get older they get more independent and go off into the world which terrifies me!

Original poster
notnow2 · 30/04/2015 10:00

I feel tearful now too Blush

OP posts:
JoffreyBaratheon · 30/04/2015 10:10

I have 5 kids and have to admit I much preferred the years when they were teenagers (really!) to the years when they were toddlers/babies. When they get to the age where you can share a joke, and they start to see you as an actual person not just "Mum" that's actually brilliant.

But I do get days when I feel nostalgic for taking the now 25 and 20 year olds to school; for when my disabled now 21 year old was wearing his little checked coat, waiting for the school bus to pick him up; little snapshots like that. I didn't even know I was happy, in those days. At one point I had 5 kids aged 11 and under in this small house. I thought it was never going to end! But of course it did.

slicedfinger · 30/04/2015 10:14

I saw a three year old have a complete meltdown, foot stomping screeching tantrum of pure frustration in the playground at pick up yesterday, and was actually envious of the mum. I can't remember the last time one of my DC did that. It is all sullen glares now...

Original poster
notnow2 · 30/04/2015 10:25

My three year old can still have a great tantrumGrin

OP posts:
Clawdy · 30/04/2015 10:34

That song:
Where are you going, my little one,little one?
Where are you going, my baby,my own?
Turn around and you're two, turn around and you're four,
Turn around and you're a young man going out of the door....

Slarti · 30/04/2015 10:40

measles I'm sat here at work wiping tears away, I am incredibly sentimental about these things.

OP YANBU, but you've got plenty of time yet! My DDs are 19 and 12 so I've been through it with them, and my DSs are 7 and 2 so I'm going through some of it with the eldest. It is very sad (from one point of view) when your relationship with your children changes, when they get too big for silly games, cuddles and tickle fights Grin. Growing up does come with its own positives but I will always deeply miss those times (I'm still very teary here Blush).

I think what I find particularly heartbreaking is that while I will always remember and treasure those memories of tiny DCs sat on my knee laughing (the single greatest sound in the universe), they won't. Sad

Original poster
notnow2 · 30/04/2015 11:10

Joffrey I think has hit the nail on the head - I don't think I knew I was happy at the time.

OP posts:
Morelikeguidelines · 30/04/2015 13:14

Measles made me cry too! And I'm on a train!

measles64 · 30/04/2015 18:17

Oh gawd now you are making me feel guilty. If it makes you feel any better I have an 11 week old grand child so get to do it all over again woo hoo Grin

FaFoutis · 30/04/2015 18:21

OP my DC are a similar age. The best time is now I think. I can't remember their babyhood very well, it was so hard. Now I can step back and look at them, these are the times I will remember.

Yarp · 30/04/2015 18:28

The On Children poem is much more my philosophy.

I love every time my children learn something new, say something new, teach me something.

Yarp · 30/04/2015 18:30

And I agree with Pacific

Yarp · 30/04/2015 18:32

I also love teenagers.

Bodyinpyjamas10 · 30/04/2015 18:35

What lovely posts.

Yes op I know what you mean mine are now 25,25,16,15.

However as a cm I am daily reminded of the toddler years Grin and you know what it's better now.

Nothing quite compared to your 6 foot 3'' sons picking you up for a hug or shopping with your teenage dds.

Going to the pub and them buying you a large wine is quite acceptable too. Smile

JoffreyBaratheon · 30/04/2015 18:46

Yes, one of my happiest moments last year was going down the pub with my best friend and her partner (who we rarely see as they live in Wales, - they were the first to congratulate me 25 years ago when I became a mum!) and all 3 of the older sons - we had a great evening. All too rare as two of them are now at uni and the oldest has a job two counties away. So fantastic to relate to your kids as adults.

I'm enjoying having political discussions with them too, now all three of the older sons can vote.

Must admit, my 14 year old has better screaming, flailing tantrums than any toddler I ever had.

BonyFriedBoutique · 30/04/2015 19:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PacificDogwood · 30/04/2015 19:34

Wine for Bony
I remember that stage well - it WILL pass, whether you want it to or not Grin

I stick by my opinion that baby/toddler/preschool years are overrated, but will concede that we often are too busy during that time to appreciate the fun-side of it. I do have v fond memories, but I'd never want to go there again: bedtime with 4 under 7 on my own, baby in sling while trying to bath the next one up who was a slippery tantrumming eel, trying (and failing!) to be everything to everyone…

Now I can reason, even with the 5 year old - he'll still throw a strop (see recent thread about 7 hour tantrum/huffiness) at times, but less often and usually feels a bit sheepish afterwards, and even if he does not really have the social skills to verbally apologise, will make up for horrible behaviour with extra hugs and sticky kisses Grin

Christinayangstwistedsister · 30/04/2015 19:44

Measles

That had me bubbling!

Twirlwirlywoo · 30/04/2015 19:45

Sat here crying at that poem Measles posted!

LaPomme · 30/04/2015 19:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScrambedEggAndToast · 30/04/2015 20:37

My favourite time with DS is now and he is 12. He's such good company, good to chat to and we can have a laugh together. We are currently in my bed watching 2 and a half men. He is grown up in some ways but still quite child like in others like when he wants his cuddles.