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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friends being rude at a party AIBU?

47 replies

Toofewshoes · 27/04/2015 10:12

A good friend had her 40th birthday party on Saturday night. She had hired a room at the back of a bar for a disco and laid on free booze (up to a point). Lots of our friends were there and as the birthday girl loves to dance we were all having a great time on the dancefloor (round an invisible handbag). The only downer on the evening was a couple of our 'friends' who stood next to where we were dancing watching, whispering and laughing. They were making us feel self conscious and acting if they were too cool to be dancing. At one point the birthday girl asked them to join in and they declined. They then went up to the DJ and got him to stop the record he was playing and we were dancing to, and put something on that was deemed cool enough. They then did a bit of a shuffle. These are grown up women who were behaving like teenagers and were being rude to the birthday girl when she had gone to such effort and expense to organise the party. I will see them at pick up today and hope that they don't say anything bitchy. One of them I thought was a good friend of mine but I think I will be giving her a wide berth in future.

Rant over, sorry.

OP posts:

ConfusedInBath · 27/04/2015 10:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Toofewshoes · 27/04/2015 10:19

No not that I am aware of. I just think that they think that they are too cool. Which is ridiculous as they are really no different from any one else. I was really shocked by how childish they were.

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BabyTuckoo · 27/04/2015 10:20

This sounds insanely juvenile, in the nicest possible way, as if someone snatched the parcel from the 'birthday girl' during Pass the Parcel. And I definitely remember similar playlist disputes at student parties.

Although we cannot know whether there were any mitigating factors to the "friends'" intervention unless we know what song you were all dancing round your invisible handbag to, and what they replaced it with. If you were all doing an enthusiastically drunken Macarena...

ConfusedInBath · 27/04/2015 10:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mupperoon · 27/04/2015 10:24

In my 40+ year old opinion, worrying about how cool you appear is achingly uncool, especially at my age. Dancing your arse off to cheese is awesome.

Original poster

Toofewshoes · 27/04/2015 10:25

Not at all. We were happily dancing to something recently clubby and fairly current and not 80s disco (though there is a time and place for that), the birthday girl had sent an email asking everyone for their playlist requested last week. The record that was deemed suitable was David Guetta 'Titanium' which is a good song and we enjoyed but the previous song did not have to be promptly stopped. It was done in such a way that they would only join if on their terms.

OP posts:

kissmethere · 27/04/2015 10:26

Yanbu very rude behaviour. Do they actually like the birthday girl? A wide berth from now on and I wouldn't be inviting them to anything again. You may have to tell them actually they behaved so badly. You don't do that at someones party!

balletnotlacrosse · 27/04/2015 10:26

They sound like not very nice teenagers.

HarimadSol · 27/04/2015 10:27

But that sounds something like what I would probably do, simply because I don't know how to dance. (Invisible handbag? What?) I'd go to the party to be there for my friend's birthday, but feel very self-conscious about doing anything more than a bit of a shuffle. You don't know what they were laughing at. Maybe it was at themselves. Maybe they were enjoying watching you have fun without knowing how to join in. YABU.

DoJo · 27/04/2015 10:31

stood next to where we were dancing watching, whispering and laughing. They were making us feel self conscious and acting if they were too cool to be dancing.

Are you sure they were laughing at you? Surely if you were all dancing, they could have just been having a conversation - not everyone likes dancing that much so it might not have been about being 'cool'.

They then went up to the DJ and got him to stop the record he was playing and we were dancing to, and put something on that was deemed cool enough.

Again - are you sure that they actually asked the DJ to stop playing the song you were dancing to, or just put in a request for something else which was misinterpreted? Any DJ worth their salt shouldn't just stop a track half way through either way - it wouldn't occur to me that they would do that if I requested a song.

It sounds like you already think that they think they are 'cooler' than you and that this behaviour confirmed it, but why did the birthday girl invite them if they are this bad?

Original poster

Toofewshoes · 27/04/2015 10:36

HarimadSol - BY invisible handbag I mean that we were a group of women dancing in a circle, often referred to as 'dancing round your handbag' from back in the day. Other women were joining and departing but it was an inclusive thing. Am I the only one who knows about 'dancing round an invisible handbag'?

Kissmethere - I would be more inclined to say something if they bring it up at pick up from school today. No confront them but rather if they try to engage me in being disparaging about the party just say that i had fun and our friend had obviously gone to a lot of trouble. I think that is they way forward.

Thanks for your comments. It had been playing on my mind. Now I don't think I was being unreasonable I will now get on with some work. :)

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elbowsdontsing2 · 27/04/2015 10:37

do you normally see these 2 women together, i know someone like that. she lovely when shes on her own but when she around a certain group she completly changes like she got to impress them with being hard iykwim

notquitegrownup2 · 27/04/2015 10:39

It doesn't sound nice, but I would blame the DJ! Taking requests is OK but it was his/her choice to cut the previous song, which people, including the host, were dancing to and enjoying. Doesn't seem like good DJing to me.

SueBigFatSue · 27/04/2015 10:43

LOL at them asking for Titanium. Good song but hardly current and cool.

SueBigFatSue · 27/04/2015 10:44

That was a laugh at your 'friends' btw, not you OP.

BabyTuckoo · 27/04/2015 10:46

I still think it sounds as if you are leaping to conclusions because the other friends weren't joining in the 'uncool' dancing and it suddenly made you feel self-conscious - you've no evidence that the whispering etc was about your group, and it's perfectly possible one of them said to the DJ 'This stuff is terrible, can you put on something different next?' and he was over-obedient and changed track in the middle - which I agree is a sign of a poor DJ - but as I doubt the other friends demanded that he cut off your song in the middle to put on their choice, I would say that was down to the DJ, and can't be blamed on the shufflers.

I think you are overreacting - it would be different of the woman whose birthday it was had been terribly upset or something...

BabyTuckoo · 27/04/2015 10:47

And if the birthday friend was the one who hired the DJ, she was perfectly at liberty to tell him to switch back to the kind of music she wanted to dance to, after all.

namechange2468 · 27/04/2015 10:50

I absolute hate dancing, particularly to music I'm not into.

If I was being pushed to join in I might request a song I liked, but certainly wouldn't expect the DJ to stop the current song.

I think you're overreacting a bit.

HellKitty · 27/04/2015 10:51

You say 'they were making us feel self conscious' is that your opinion or did the bday girl and other 'dancers' comment about it afterwards?

namechange2468 · 27/04/2015 10:52

And if there was loud music playing, I doubt they were whispering...probably chatting closely so that they could hear, and watching you all have a good time.

Original poster

Toofewshoes · 27/04/2015 10:55

BabyTuckoo - They were being obvious in their disdain. When the birthday girl asked them to dance they replied in a really patronising way and you could tell she was hurt.

Elbows - Yes one of them who I am quite friendly with normally as our daughters are friends, was not being her self as the other woman was there. She was obviously trying to be 'cool' too. I wasn't too bothered by this as I had lots of other friends there and just made a mental not to myself that she is fickle. In fact she had done other thing recently that made me think I didn't really like her much.

SueBigFatSue - Quite. And I knew what you meant.

OP posts:

Original poster

Toofewshoes · 27/04/2015 10:56

P.S Babytuckoo - our dancing was very cool thanks. ;)

OP posts:

TheMagnificientFour · 27/04/2015 10:56

I'm not keen on dancing either but if I was invited to a party where dancing is clearly on of the main features, I would eithyer not go or go and enjoy my friends enjoying themsleves iyswim.

The b'day woman was kind enough to ask people before hand what sort of music they like. I think she went way above what was needed and the 'friends' behaved appaulingly.

HellKitty · 27/04/2015 10:57

I love dancing. I hate dancing to really bad chart 'pop' in a circle with other women doing that shuffley mum dance. Sorry.

funnyossity · 27/04/2015 11:00

The friends sound too pushy.

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