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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not know what to do with this child???

51 replies

MadBannersAndCopPorn · 18/04/2015 20:57

Dd1 is 3 in June. She's been in bottom bunk bed for 6 months in the room with her little sister 16m. I am ready to drop baby no3 at any time.

Dd1 goes to bed but after about 15mins is up asking for a drink. I give her literally a sip of water then back to bed.
She's up again asking for a cuddle. Quick 2 sec cuddle, back to bed.
She's up asking for a wee, sits on loo, nothing comes out, back to bed
She's up with a snotty nose
She's woken her sister up calling out for us
She's wet the bed

You get the picture.

Wtf do I do?
She has a stair gate on her bedroom door (so they cant escape whilst im cleaning) which I leave open at night. She can climb it, so no point shutting it.

I keep thinking of the poster not long ago who said they don't know why people keep having more kids when they can't control the ones theyve got- I feel that's me ATM.

I don't want to make bedtime a horrible, shouty time... Please help

OP posts:
redexpat · 18/04/2015 20:59

Supernanny bedtime technique, also known as rapid return. See if you can find it on youtube x

redexpat · 18/04/2015 21:00

Oh no i will be flamed then banned for the un-mn kiss! Sorry!

DixieNormas · 18/04/2015 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Catsize · 18/04/2015 21:04

Are the two sharing the bed? Just wondering if she wants company as she is feeling unsettled by imminent arrival.

HermiaDream · 18/04/2015 21:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
MadBannersAndCopPorn · 18/04/2015 21:09

Thankyou for suggestion. Ill look it up. Is that the one where you have to put them back in their bed 65 times and then they sleep?

I'm 9 months pregnant, I can't get my shoes on, let alone wrestle a squirming, crying wreck of a child into their bed. Dp often works until 8ish

God, I sound defeatest. Hope its hormones...

OP posts:
AmateurSeamstress · 18/04/2015 21:11

Our 2 year old was, ahem, very testing around the time I was having DC2. I think she wanted to check we were still there for her.

I think we anticipated as much as poss. Sippy cup by her bed with 1cm of water. Tissue under pillow. Permission to go to the loo without involving an adult. Cuddling duties delegated to special toys. Special thing - muslin, mummy's teddy, wheat bag teddy, hot water bottle filled with cold water to deal with temperature issues. Then we were fairly strict with her if she did continually come down.

Also has this been since the clocks changed? If so, more blackouts or a change of bedtime might help.

CapnMurica · 18/04/2015 21:13

My three year old is the same. Except he thinks he is hilarious and just runs around upstairs all night. I am so at the end of my tether.

Supernanny didn't work for us Sad

Original poster
MadBannersAndCopPorn · 18/04/2015 21:14

Thankyou. She has her sister in cot in same room.
It just feels so stressful sometimes, I hate the thought of her going to bed upset or crying.

I have tried nappies and big girl pull ups but she rips them off, she's dry in the day and wets about 2/3 times a week.

OP posts:
theendoftheendoftheend · 18/04/2015 21:14

Does she get a bit off time with you by herself between little sister going to bed and her going up?

Catsize · 18/04/2015 21:15

You say she 'goes to bed'. Is there any story time, or special time between you before she goes to sleep?

Catsize · 18/04/2015 21:16

X-post. Sorry.

BlackeyedSusan · 18/04/2015 21:21

why did you have more kids when you can't cope with the ones you have got?

well presumably they were behaving differently 9 months ago. children are notorious for phases of bad behaviour at this age.

Purplepixiedust · 18/04/2015 21:22

We made a little booklet with things to do before bed and then a chart to tick off. Might help her realise that once done she shouldn't get up unless absolutely necessary. Ours had things like get pjs on, milk and biscuit, read story, toilet, wash, clean teeth, cuddle and snuggle down. I took photos of each stage and printed them out to hang on the wall. Once in bed, I used to say I will be back in 5 to check on you, then 10 and so on. We did this from about 3. I used to stay with him til he went to sleep before that but he was my only one so I could. I hate super nanny (thought she was great til I had kids). Good luck.

Original poster
MadBannersAndCopPorn · 18/04/2015 21:26

I read both girls a story then they go to bed together ( at the same time). Maybe putting her up after her sister might help.

I suppose I overlooked her feeling left out as she already has older sis (DSD) and younger sis. Poor thing!

OP posts:
rainbowtoddle · 18/04/2015 21:28

Sounds like she just needs you - why not lie down with her and cuddle her until she is asleep? Will be even nicer once your third arrives and you can all cuddle down together. If you are looking at super nanny techniques make sure you also research studies about the impact of such methods.

Catsize · 18/04/2015 21:33

Agree with rainbow. If you and your bump can't fit in her bed, what we have done is the cuddling and stories in a big bed all together and then my OH has moved the older child when asleep. Perhaps read to the 16m child alone and older sister gets an extra bit of time to play before snuggling for a story. You can pitch the stories better to theur ages too. Not that I am some sort of guru, but go with your instincts OP and good luck!
Disclaimer - it is like musical beds in our house, and I never know in the morning who will be in what bed but we like it and it suits us. Smile

poocatcherchampion · 18/04/2015 21:37

We are no nonsense. I dont even allow wees just after they've gone to bed. They have just had one.

And I dont go in if they've thrown toys out the bed either.

If they ask I'll go for a cuddle but not more than once or twice, and I'm loving at the time, but can't be doing with enlsess requests.

And they are not allowed out of bed either.

But it is easier to implement these rules from the outset I guess - you'd have to be more committed at this stage..

fredfredgeorgejnr · 18/04/2015 21:39

Is she actually tired? Or is she up 'cos she's bored.

IndecisionCentral · 18/04/2015 21:39

As you can't do return to bed (and it may be a bit harsh in he circumstances), perhaps try the golden tickets idea. Explain during the day what will happen. Do nighttime routine with special story just for her, ensure last wee, drink, special toy cuddle. Provide 3 golden tickets which she can use to get up if she needs you. For every ticket she has left in the morning she'll get a treat (choc button or sticker), or could save the tickets up for a big end of week treat, whatever works best. If she uses all her tickets and then gets up, you're stuck with rapid return at that point.

Suits some better than rapid return, which just makes my DD cross and doesn't work! Sadly, she's too young to use golden ticket yet so I just sit next to her and read MN on my iPad. If she wants to hold my hand that's fine with me. If she messes on I give her a warning, then get up and go downstairs, only returning when she agrees to go back to bed. Works for us.

Good luck OP.

Goldmandra · 18/04/2015 21:50

I know this is a big ask at your stage of pregnancy but I would try to pre-empt the getting up by going back before she has the chance.

Put her to bed give her a treat and tell her to try very hard to go to sleep and you will come back in one minute to see if she needs anything. If she manages to wait without calling you, tell her how proud you are of her being so quiet and patient and repeat the process. If she doesn't manage to wait, try again but go back in sooner.

Eventually she will start getting used to the idea that she hasn't been abandoned for a whole night and she can wait for you to go back to her without calling out. At this point you can start to extend the time you wait before going back so she is eventually falling asleep before you return.

You have to be very consistent and reliable about going back in which will probably be exhausting for you but it might be worth getting it over with before you have another newborn to deal with too.

Original poster
MadBannersAndCopPorn · 18/04/2015 21:54

She's knackered... Could do with an hour in the day but that only happens in the car so only if we're on the way back from somewhere.

I'd like to be no nonsense but it means getting cross, or at least firm, crying and her going to bed upset... Don't get me wrong, I've shouted at her before but bit doesnt feel right.

I know I'll have newborn to deal with soon, so am panicking a bit. Have also planned a home birth as I can't deal with the hospital saying stay in after the birth for at least 24h, really??
Will the worry of her waking in the night make labour harder, have heard stories of crowning babies retreating if mother is stressed/ distracted.

Sorry for the drip feed

OP posts:
Girlwhowearsglasses · 18/04/2015 21:55

Get a 'Pet Gate' - much higher than a child safety gate. Putting to bed a bit later might make her feel a bit better.

I have three and its SO difficult

mikado1 · 18/04/2015 21:58

I have been sitting at dood for maybe 10mins after stories while ds drops off. I see the sense of no nonsense approach but he needs me there and tbh 10mins sitting on floor while he drops off peacefully a lot easier to me than up and down a hundred times! ! Started with holding hand at side of bed, then sitting at side, hoping to move to outside door ne t week and eventually down to the couch!! It will take longer but I think it's kinder.. good luck!

Original poster
MadBannersAndCopPorn · 18/04/2015 22:02

The thing is, its not every night. Sometimes she goes down and sleeps all night, no problems... I don't know why she sometimes plays up and sometimes is fine??

OP posts: