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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask 7 year old DS to just play !!!

27 replies

OracleofDelphi · 14/03/2015 17:52

DS is a wonderful boy , caring, funny, interesting but he just will not play by himself. He will play a computer game, playwith the dog and play football in the garden but that is pretty much it. He will happily help me out in the house, gardening, cooking, going on dog walks but really struggles to play imaginatively alone . DD on the other hand will happily do it all day long . He will play with her but quite often that ends in fighting ..... Hmm

He does love playing with toys with friends , or puzzles/ board games with me or his dad, so j just don't get it .

AIBU to expect him to play under his own steam for an hour whilst I sort out laundry , or shall I give in and let him help ?! I have told hi. He has got to play and now he's sitting in the stairs like I'm punishing him .... DH tells me not to worry - some kids just aren't that into toys ....

OP posts:
BlackDaisies · 14/03/2015 18:00

It can be really hard for some children to play imaginative games all by themselves. Is there anything else you could get him to do? (Art/ Lego models/ clay/ even watch a dvd?!) As a child I wouldn't play as such, I would read/ write/paint/ draw etc. Or are you including this sort of activity in the things he doesn't like to do?

PintofCiderPlease · 14/03/2015 18:03

When he's bored enough, he'll play. The more concern you show, the more he'll play you.

Or you could suggest he pack up his toys and send them to charity as clearly they are far to boring to be played with - helps stops my DSs whining to me that they're bored and have nothing to do.

TwoOddSocks · 14/03/2015 18:05

Could you try setting up an imaginative game with him, then encourage him to continue it on his own? Maybe leave for short bursts of time then increase it once he's really absorbed?

Original poster
OracleofDelphi · 14/03/2015 18:08

He will draw and do a lego kit occasionally but he just told me he just wants to be with me .... Smile I am torn because I know that there will come a time soon when he might not want to be with me, but I supose I want reassurances that some kids just aren't that into imaginative play . ! BlackDaisies he will watch DVDs and play computer games alone, it because he doesn't want to play and I have told him I need to get on he is in a bit of a sulk on the stairs. I just don't get it as I loved playing with my toys and making up games when I was little. .

OP posts:
turquoiseamethyst · 14/03/2015 18:10

Blimey - why? I mean, I loved imaginary games as a child but its surely no great shakes if a child doesn't! They just play differently!

Original poster
OracleofDelphi · 14/03/2015 18:17

Thank you turquoise..... I don't know why really .... More just I don't understand it, and supose I feel a bit guilty that maybe I haven't let him be left to his own devices enough and have hindered his ability to entertain himself ! I supose I just wanted others to say that's that they were like / what their kids are like as reassurance

OP posts:
turquoiseamethyst · 14/03/2015 18:21

I'm sure you haven't! I think they're all just different. Daffodil

honeybeeplusone · 14/03/2015 18:27

I think it is lovely he wants to spend time with you and do the chores. I believe this helps to create a bond with children, you can have some great chats (and that's when they will be willing to talk not when you sit down with them to have a chat) plus helps them to get the idea of helping around the house etc. Bonus! Smile

PintofCiderPlease · 14/03/2015 18:27

The biggest skill you can teach your children is that being alone doesn't have to mean being lonely.

You NEED to teach him ways to occupy himself, and to force the issue in small doses occasionally.

turquoiseamethyst · 14/03/2015 18:32

But that doesn't have to mean imaginative play, does it?

Ilovehamabeads · 14/03/2015 18:33

DD was like this when younger. She still doesn't ever play with toys as such, but will read, draw or entertain herself with the iPad now. She says she doesn't know what to do with her dolls, and I was just the same as a child so I havent been able to help lol.

BertieBotts · 14/03/2015 18:37

Does he like reading, drawing, building stuff with lego etc, toys which "do things" rather than require pretending, little puzzles, single player card games (Patience, etc) ?

Original poster
OracleofDelphi · 14/03/2015 18:44

He isn't lonely on his own - he will happily do activities alone (iPad, watch cartoons, draw, play football). It's just that he seeks us out far far more than his sister. Both DH and I woke from home as run our own company so he was always in hand so to speak.....
honeybee I agree that it give us opportunity to talk .... I supose I just find it a bit odd as I loved making up games and playing with toys. Glad other children are like him ...!

OP posts:
GoogleyEyes · 14/03/2015 18:51

I think some kids are just more people-focused - they prefer interactions to toys. There are adults who love a houseful of noise and bustle and hate having time alone and vice versa, and I think kids are the same.

Does he like reading? My child like this got much better once she was reading chapter books - they seemed to provide the human interaction (well, description of it) that she wanted. Though she will still follow me around quite a bit, given half a chance.

wtffgs · 14/03/2015 18:53

My 7yo craves company which is unfortunate because older sibling and I need lots of alone-time. I keep saying "they're not little for long" Confused

eversoslightlytired · 14/03/2015 18:58

My 7 year old has never been good at using his imagination. He also hates colouring jigsaws and generally playing with toys. He's happy to kick a ball around or play with a balloon but he loves playing on phones and iPads but we've now had to limit his time as he would happily spend all day doing it. His sister aged 4 is complete opposite and has the best imagination ever!!

hiccupgirl · 14/03/2015 19:01

I think Googleyeyes is spot on about some kids just prefer people to toys.

My DS is brilliant at imaginative play but he struggles to do it on his own and always wants one of us to play with him. He is an only but even so I have spent lots of time refusing to play because I'm doing jobs or taking toys away because he won't start playing on his own. Nothing makes any difference. He will happily set toys up on his own but he wants a person to then play with him. Or he wants someone to do role play with. I'm hoping he gets better once he can read and get lost in a book.

Original poster
OracleofDelphi · 14/03/2015 19:24

Thank you all for your responses ... I suppose it's right some people love being around others and some prefer doing their own thing, so it does make sense .... I am trying to make the most of the fact that he wants to be with me , as I know had he gets older it might not be the case Grin

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 15/03/2015 09:58

Yep, my 6yo is an extrovert too. So am I, but children are much more draining than adults so he doesn't really "count" as company for me and I understand a lot better how introverts feel.

MonstrousPippin · 15/03/2015 10:08

Sounds just how I was at that age. My brother was the opposite and would happily amuse himself with lego or dolls. I'd get so annoyed because he wouldn't play with me, that I'd stomp all over his lego creations until he cried. Happy days Grin

I remember feeling the same about dolls... Just didn't know what I was supposed to do with them.

I don't think my mum ever found any major solution but I got into crafts like sewing and tapestry (kids kits) at some point and that kept me quite busy.

Daisy17 · 15/03/2015 10:09

Oh yes, please don't worry, and don't try to DO anything to him. It's just how he is. My DS is a people person, he's 4 and can play for about 5 minutes on his own.....it has major advantages too, he's always loved going places and meeting new people and thrives at nursery with all his little friends. Sympathies though, it does get exhausting!! Let him help, unless it bugs you too much. Good training!

mathanxiety · 30/03/2015 15:08

I have to admit this would drive me cuckoo.

Very late to the thread here but I think you need to get him reading. You can be transported off to an imaginary world in a book very easily, and it doesn't require anyone's input but the child's. There are some great series out there that might really grab him.

PunkrockerGirl · 30/03/2015 15:21

It's just the way he is, my db was exactly the same as a child! However, your ds is old enough to learn that he cannot have your attention 24/7. Would he watch a dvd for an hour while you got on with some jobs? I know that to some on here that's tantamount to child abuse, but as a mum to adult children, take it from me he'll turn out fine Wink

0x530x610x750x630x79 · 30/03/2015 15:43

I remember feeling the same about dolls... Just didn't know what I was supposed to do with them.

still not sure what your supposed to do with dolls, felt the same about barbie, i changed her clothes, washed her clothes, built her a wardrobe to store her clothes then put her away.

GreenPetal94 · 30/03/2015 17:18

I used to just say "go play toys in your bedroom until supper" or whatever. It was kind of non-negotiable, but not a punishment. I never gave them any option or much direction, but did let them make a big mess and lego was always everwhere.

At other times we would play together or TV was allowed or whatever.