Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DW showing off about a celebrity ex

51 replies

GrandpaInMyMicrowave · 11/02/2015 05:25

AIBU to feel a bit miffed about DW boasting to a friend about a celebrity ex? I'm not supposed to know about him but tbh DW hasn't been too discrete.
I understand DW has been with other people so that's not the issue, it's more of an issue that she has let it be known to me that she still has a celebrity crush on this ex.
It feels a bit like showing off at my expense but then I understand why I wouldn't be the first person she'd have these conversations with. I think I feel a bit sensitive about the reality of our lives, raising children and her sudden need to hark back to more interesting times. If I'm honest this is the bigger problem.

OP posts:
GokTwo · 11/02/2015 05:31

It would bother most people if their Dp still fancied their ex whether they were famous or not. Does she know it bothers you?

Original poster
GrandpaInMyMicrowave · 11/02/2015 05:50

She doesn't know that I know he is an ex.

OP posts:
GokTwo · 11/02/2015 05:54

So she thinks you think he is/was a friend? In any case I would talk to her about it. yanbu at all.

Original poster
GrandpaInMyMicrowave · 11/02/2015 06:09

They aren't in touch, I imagine he moves in very different circles. They had a fling while she was at University. I think she has spoken about him (perhaps putting two and two together though); he literally disappeared after they had a brief relationship, showed up again some time later and she saw better than to try to reignite the relationship. At the time we spoke about it I didn't see the relevance (it was years ago) so I didn't really know if she had any residual feelings towards him.
DW is the kind of woman who goes off someone if they are a complete arse though. It makes me wonder now I know the significance and she lists him as a celebrity crush.

OP posts:
fragileFuckwit · 11/02/2015 06:16

One of my friends bangs on about a celeb she shagged once, and ha turned it into some sort of relationship narrative. I ways wonder how her devoted bf feels. shes trying to reaffirm Her attractiveness etc but it's pretty insulting, so challenge her on it!

Original poster
GrandpaInMyMicrowave · 11/02/2015 06:31

It's difficult to know how I'd be in the same situation. I don't have an exciting past to shout about and I don't have the types of friends who'd think it was appropriate to share that information. However I imagine if you'd slept with a A-list celebrity you might let it slip from time to time.

OP posts:
GokTwo · 11/02/2015 06:45

Perhaps but not in a sort of "I still would" kind of way. I'd deliberately play it down in front of my DW. Certainly say something. You're probably right. She's probably just fantasising about it because it's a departure from her more down to Earth day to day life at the mo. If it helps I was speaking to an ex bf last week (I'm gay now, so we're going back a bit!) and he now lives an impossibly cool life because of the unusual job he does. I have to admit I felt a bit envious, not because I still fancy him, just because it all sounded so amazing and exciting.

Original poster
GrandpaInMyMicrowave · 11/02/2015 06:55

I have to admit the absence of a 'but ultimately he turned out to be a bit of a twat' (or similar) is a problem. But I have to remember I wasn't supposed to see the conversation, but talking of lacking discretion, DW leaves facebook logged in on the iPad and all her messages pop us as notifications!!

OP posts:
Notagainmun · 11/02/2015 07:52

YANBU and I would talk to her about it. AIBU to want to know who celeb ex is?

FuckyNell · 11/02/2015 07:57

Who who who

FuckyNell · 11/02/2015 07:57

I won't tell

SocksRock · 11/02/2015 07:57

I'm guessing if she's that careless with her Facebook, she really has little to hide. And you did say she saw sense not to reignite the relationship, which is also reassuring.

Itsgoingtoreindeer · 11/02/2015 07:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bifauxnen · 11/02/2015 08:05

It would be worrying if she was secretive. Just sounds like a little harmless boasting to me.

Possibly useless anecdote; my dm has always held a bit of a candle for her first boyfriend. But married and was devoted to df. Relationships can end nicely, and remain a pleasant memory without you wanting to revisit it and being very happy in your current relationship.

Bakeoffcakes · 11/02/2015 08:10

I would tell her it's upsetting you.

I must admit that if for example I'd shagged Colin Firth 20 years ago, I'd find it difficult not to still talk about it. But I wouldn't infront of DH.

Bananayellow · 11/02/2015 08:13

I think you are reading too much into it. I'd be telling people but it is a bit surprising she hasn't told you he is an ex. I'd be open about that in my relationship. Has she not told you because you are generally a jealous sort? If that is the case you are probably being unreasonable now.

shovetheholly · 11/02/2015 08:14

I have a celebrity ex too, five years ago before I met DH. I don't really talk about it with anyone normally, but I have mentioned it a couple of times in the pub on a girl's night out when I've had a glass too much to drink. When I do so, to be honest I am boasting a bit and remembering a time when I was really, really thin and attractive and had great glossy tresses and was able to run a 10k every day - which seems like a million miles away from my current life, which involves a lot of sitting around in pain, illness, and having gained half my bodyweight again compared to back then. (yes, really).

I couldn't love my husband more, or be more devoted to him, and I am sooooo much happier with him that I ever was with the ex, who was always in LA anyway. I know it bothered DH at the start of our relationship - we used to see the ex on the front of DVDs in the supermarket and he would say 'I just can't give you that'. But I don't want 'that'. I want my life now with my husband, though it would be nice if I could get better and feel a bit healthier. I feel like an encumbrance, a beached whale who has to lie around in bed a lot, rather than a proper partner.

What I'm trying to say is that mentioning this could be a way for your wife to say 'I have value! I was seen as beautiful too back before the kids and ordinary life took over!' It speaks to a need in her to have you recognise how lucky you are to be with her. I would suggest that you focus on making her feel like the most important and attractive person in the world, because I don't think this is any sign at all that she doesn't care about you tremendously.

GokTwo · 11/02/2015 08:31

Yes exactly. Unless you have other concerns I'd not fret too much about it. I would mention it though...but I'm one of those people who has to have things out in the open.

GokTwo · 11/02/2015 08:35

I'm really sorry to hear about your illness shove holly. I was very ill for 3 years and it was devastating for all the reasons you mention. I'm lucky that I recovered and, like you I have a wonderfully supportive partner who never wavered. I hope you are getting support and that you recover soon.

PrimalLass · 11/02/2015 08:54

You are married to someone and are not meant to know about an ex? Bigger concerns there, I'd say.

Bifauxnen · 11/02/2015 08:57

I think it less 'not meant to know' and more 'not rubbing past boyfriends in his face'. If he really wasn't meant to know she'd be less free and open with the fb messages.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 11/02/2015 09:02

I think you need to focus on the first words of your OP's title - you've nailed it, she's showing off. She's not even showing off to you, she's showing off to a pal. This suggests to me it's not about your relationship at all, it's about proving some kind of point to her friend. So while I wouldn't entirely be chuffed about it, I wouldn't think it's a big deal either - it's not, I think, about you, it's about her.

TeWiSavesTheDay · 11/02/2015 09:06

I agree, she is boasting (for whatever reason) and I wouldn't worry about that.

However I think it's fair enough to tell her you've worked it out and talk about it. You might feel better for it.

BringMeTea · 11/02/2015 10:30

Is it Benedict Cumberbatch? Flowers

Heels99 · 11/02/2015 10:33

She is showing off. He probably can't remember who she is!