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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Its not that important or 'vital'

52 replies

Edenviolet · 05/02/2015 12:52

Dcs are bridesmaids/page boy at dsis wedding.

The rehearsal is 8pm on a school night and expected to run for at least an Hour!?
Dsis said dcs have to attend or will not know what to do and she doesn't want anything to be less than perfect.

My dcs are usually in bed quite early and we have other things to attend to with them as well. I've asked could it be a bit earlier/not on a school night or at a weekend to be told no, the rehearsal is based around the work commitments of the wedding party not my dcs.

So, I have said we can't go then. Apparently its important and 'vital' to attend??

OP posts:

Summerisle1 · 05/02/2015 12:56

Hmmm....I normally detest any hint of Bridezilla but actually, your dcs probably will need to be at the rehearsal. Otherwise they won't have a clue about what's occurring on the day and it is likely that nobody else will have time to rehearse them. It isn't unreasonable to set a time that fits around work commitments either.

I remain amused at the idea of this wedding being "anything to be less than perfect" though.

Pastamancer · 05/02/2015 12:56

You don't get rehearsals for civil weddings, how difficult is it to just walk up the aisle and sit in your seat when told?

Summerisle1 · 05/02/2015 12:57

PS. Oh wait up. Just realised that this is your sister, Hedgehog. There's going to be a drama regardless, isn't there?

MrsPeterQuill · 05/02/2015 12:57

It's not 'vital' but it's nice for the kids to know what they're supposed to be doing.

Also, it's one night of the year. It's not ideal but there probably are more people to consider than your dc. Therefore, I think YABU

Original poster

Edenviolet · 05/02/2015 13:02

It just seems odd, I didn't have a rehearsal for my wedding, neither did sil and yet all the dcs knew what to do and it went smoothly.
Dsis has been acting as if the world will end and the whole wedding ruined if the dcs are not 100% sure of what they have to do every step of the way

OP posts:

MythicalKings · 05/02/2015 13:02

It's pretty important that they are there so they know what to do on the day. One late night won't hurt.

NorwaySpruce · 05/02/2015 13:03

It's one night, it won't kill them, and they'll feel better on the day for knowing what to do. It will make them feel part of things.

It doesn't need to cause another drama.

Original poster

Edenviolet · 05/02/2015 13:05

It makes it difficult as they are usually tired quite early and if they have a late night then the next morning will be a nightmare getting them all up and ready for school. From what dsis is saying the rehearsal will be finished earliest at 9pm. Its just too late for our dcs. She will not change the day or time so I'm quite happy to just not go and see how things go on the day.

Dsis pov is "no rehearsal no roles for dcs"

OP posts:

ToffeeCaramel · 05/02/2015 13:06

Did she actually say she doesn't want anything to be less than perfect?

SuperFlyHigh · 05/02/2015 13:06

I agree with the others, one late night, won't kill them, will help them all practice (especially as if 3 DC) and it doesn't need to cause a falling out with your DSis.

MrsCakesPrecognition · 05/02/2015 13:06

Are compulsory rehearsals a new thing? Everyone I know managed to get married without rehearsing anything.

However, if it means that much to the couple, then it doesn't sound like a huge problem if your DCs are a bit late to bed.

SuperFlyHigh · 05/02/2015 13:06

Toffee - what if the bride did say that? that's hardly a crime of the century comment is it.

paxtecum · 05/02/2015 13:08

Hedgehog's DCs have serious health problems, so she isn't being precious about the late night.

Waitingonasunnyday · 05/02/2015 13:09

TBH I would take my DC to a wedding rehearsal if they were bms/pbs. However I am not sure what age your DC are or what the back story is with your sister.

Couldn't YOU go along, 'make notes' and then take DC along one day after school to show them the church and explain it all?

curlyweasel · 05/02/2015 13:09

How old are your DC? How long until the wedding? If they're dots, they're unlikely to retain anything rehearsed anyway. Better to brief them on the morning.

MrsPeterQuill · 05/02/2015 13:09

hedgehog Well there you go then. You've made up your mind, as has your sister. Not sure, what else there is to say really.

Original poster

Edenviolet · 05/02/2015 13:09

Yep, it all has to be perfect.

The dcs apparently have to be shown how to walk down the aisle and if we don't go then the bridesmaids won't be able to do that properly so can't be bridesmaids and will just have to sit as "normal guests"

The thing is the other children who will be bridesmaids live very far away and are same age or younger than my dcs but apparently they don't need to go to the rehearsal so not sure why mine have to? I'd have thought it more likely an unrehearsed 5 and 1 year old will be more likely to make a mistake than my dcs who have managed to walk down the aisle at two other wedding s with no problem

OP posts:

Mamiof3 · 05/02/2015 13:10

Surely one night in bed at 9.30 ish won't hurt? How old are they?? And when you say you have other things to do with them do you mean hobbies or ???

chocolatereindeer · 05/02/2015 13:11

Sorry but YABU, it obviously means a lot to her and it's a one off.

Mamiof3 · 05/02/2015 13:11

Maybe it's more that you cant rehearse a 1 yr old so there's no point???

Penguinsaresmall · 05/02/2015 13:11

Aw it's one late night - if they're tired the next day they'll survive and so will you.

Assuming they want to be a part of the wedding, I would go along with it all and try to enjoy it.

YABU.

Leeds2 · 05/02/2015 13:12

I would let the DC have a late night, tbh. It will add to their excitement about being involved.

Would also consider carefully how the DC will react/feel if they are suddenly told that they are no longer bridesmaids/paige boys because mum wouldn't let them go to the rehearsal.

curlyweasel · 05/02/2015 13:12

Maybe your dsis wants your dc to lead by example (for the other bms)?

Your sis sounds FUN.

Penguinsaresmall · 05/02/2015 13:12

How old are your DC BTW?

TheWitTank · 05/02/2015 13:13

I would go, but my two are not particularly disturbed by the odd later night or early start. I see from a pp that your children have health problems though, so I understand that routine/sleep may be much more important/vital.
Are the children really bothered about a role in the wedding? Can you ask your sister if it would be okay if you attended without the children and then walked them through the routine over the next few days? It can't be that complex surely!

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