Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Its not that important or 'vital'

52 replies

Edenviolet · 05/02/2015 12:52

Dcs are bridesmaids/page boy at dsis wedding.

The rehearsal is 8pm on a school night and expected to run for at least an Hour!?
Dsis said dcs have to attend or will not know what to do and she doesn't want anything to be less than perfect.

My dcs are usually in bed quite early and we have other things to attend to with them as well. I've asked could it be a bit earlier/not on a school night or at a weekend to be told no, the rehearsal is based around the work commitments of the wedding party not my dcs.

So, I have said we can't go then. Apparently its important and 'vital' to attend??

OP posts:
Sn00p4d · 05/02/2015 13:13

Either go to the rehearsal and the dcs have a part in the wedding, or don't and they don't. You can't force her to let your dc be in the wedding, she can't force you to attend the rehearsal.
You sound unwilling to compromise, as does she, so good luck with that!

poorbuthappy · 05/02/2015 13:13

My 3 were bridesmaids over Christmas (10 and 6 year old twins). They coped perfectly well by turning up an hour before at the hotel and being told to walk down the aisle and were then directed into the right seats by the maid of honour.

Mind you 1 night probably won't hurt, but I would be asking very loudly about the other attendants...sounds like she is having loads????

MrsCakesPrecognition · 05/02/2015 13:13

In that case (health issues and unrehearsed tinies), go to the rehearsal. Stay as late as possible and then say in public so everyone hears we have to go now, the children are flagging and we still have X amount to do when we get home. And go.
The 1yo will do their own thing any way and the 5yo will either show-off or hide. The bride will have lost all control. And she really won't mind.

ToffeeCaramel · 05/02/2015 13:15

Well I don't think I said it was "crime of the century" Confused

BitOutOfPractice · 05/02/2015 13:15

Perhaps you ucan compromise by asking if your DC can do their bits first so they can get away to bed.

But do you know what? They'll probably really enjoy it and it's just one night. Indulge your sister.

But y guess is you've decided no without thinking and will dig your heels in

treaclesoda · 05/02/2015 13:16

I think your sister is being unreasonable.

But I think you are being unreasonable too.

It's like it is a battle of wills between the two of you, with both determined to be right.

ImBatDog · 05/02/2015 13:18

i think you're both being unreasonable, and i really dont think 1 late night in the grand scheme of things is that bad.

you should let them go.

HappyAgainOneDay · 05/02/2015 13:21

Curlyweasel got there first. The OP's children will be able to keep the younger ones in check and keep them en route, surely? If they are older, they can order them about tell them what to do and how to do it. Is someone going to carry the 1-year-old bridesmaid up the aisle or is it going to crawl?

Tyzer85 · 05/02/2015 13:21

Let them go OP, one night isn't going to hurt.

You sound like you've made you mind up regardless.

SuperFlyHigh · 05/02/2015 13:24

Toffee - I got that you were alluding to the fact the bride was a potential bridezilla but obviously not so apologies... Smile.

Original poster
Edenviolet · 05/02/2015 13:24

13,8,5 and 2.

They know what to do at a wedding, they have already been told who they are paired with so know whose hand they will be holding and its only walking down behind dsis on the day.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 05/02/2015 13:27

See, you've already decided. Why bother asking eh?

curlyweasel · 05/02/2015 13:27

Op - could the eldest dc attend as a compromise?

Original poster
Edenviolet · 05/02/2015 13:28

I offered to drop the older two off if they could learn their parts first at the beginning of rehearsal but dsis said no, it has to be all of them there with us as well and we have to see what everybody has to do.

Usually evenings are taken up by bathtime, physio, changing cannulas for dd2 (every other day so it may not even fall on that day but we don't know yet) and getting them all to bed (three of the four still need help settling) and if they are not in bed and resting/sleeping by 730-8 getting them up the next day is virtually impossible.

OP posts:
Original poster
Edenviolet · 05/02/2015 13:32

I was not asking should dcs go but more trying to find out if rehearsals were now seen as "vital" as I don't think they are after dcs attending two wedding without prior knowledge of what to do.

I suggested to dsis that the older two go with her but she insists everybody has to be there for the duration and there's no showing dcs what to do first quickly then letting us go early we all have to stay as she has to practice walking up and down the aisle and we need to watch that first

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 05/02/2015 13:32

WEll that's a rather large drip feed!

Bobian123 · 05/02/2015 13:33

I'm with you TBH OP. I think it's a bit much to need little ones at the rehearsal. They will probably be quite bored and will most likely do their own thing on the day, esp the littlest one. We had two under threes walking down the aisle-they just legged it to their parents and ppl found it quite funny.

curlyweasel · 05/02/2015 13:35

I think dsis is BU in those circumstances. But, you're going to have to weigh up the DC's disappointment against caving in. Good luck! x

NimpyWWindowmash · 05/02/2015 13:36

for goodness sake,just humour her.

it could be fun.

it is just one late night for the kids.

try being a bit flexible

NimpyWWindowmash · 05/02/2015 13:37

ah, just missed the massive drip feed.

well, that changes things, surely your sister knows?

TheGirlWhoPlayedWithFire · 05/02/2015 13:37

Your sister sounds like a total nightmare and I'd refuse in your circumstances.

It's not like she's trying to be flexible for you - tbh I've heard of rehearsals but always thought that was for the adult wedding party - not really for little ones

YANBU

WD41 · 05/02/2015 13:46

Well firstly I think having a rehearsal is ridiculous. Not vital in the slightest and suspect she's watched one too many American romcoms.

However I was all set to say yabu, one late night won't hurt them etc, just do it

But having read now that they have health problems, that there may be cannulas needing changing etc, yanbu.

Would she really exclude them if they didn't attend the rehearsal? I don't know what I'd do

TheIronGnome · 05/02/2015 13:51

I HATE dripfeeds.

YANBU

specialsubject · 05/02/2015 13:57

tell idiot female that they can't go to the rehearsal. Presumably there is an adult bridal attendant to marshal them? (If not, more fool her). I take it they aren't making speeches? So what's to rehearse?

let her exclude them if needed. Also be aware they may exclude themselves, the little ones may burst into tears and not want to do it on the big day. My sister did it when we were bridesmaids decades ago. (BTW the bridal couple didn't mind and are still together!)

good luck to the husband-to-be of this nightmare.

curlyweasel · 05/02/2015 13:59

To be fair, the OP wasn't asking who was BU between her and her dsis (although I gave my two penneth!), but whether she was BU to think rehearsals aren't vital.

OP - YANBU (disclaimer - I've never been married)