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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Eat the damn Crumpet

85 replies

Paddleslowly · 29/01/2015 08:29

My ds is a very fussy eater and I'm at my wits end with it. Now that he's in year 7 he doesn't want breakfast at home but wants a cake at the school cafe in the morning. He has gone from "I don't like milk" on his breakfast to "I don't like Rice Krispies" and any other cereal you name it I have brought it. The box goes into the bin as he takes one mouthful and doesn't like it.
So I reach a compromise and ask what would you like. "Urm I like crumpets n Nutella" great I say so I buy them and he is fine. But this morning he created a drama "I don't like crumpets" and proceeded to take 15 minutes to eat half of it! Apparently he doesn't like the make of the crumpet, don't know why as I but the same packet.
I really don't like him to leave the house without some sort of breakfast in him. For a treat once a month I have said he can go to the cafe but I'm not happy about it. What can I do it's so frustrating I just would like him to eat the crumpet no drama

OP posts:

Honeydragon · 29/01/2015 08:35

If he's year 7 and he's not having anything great at home as he's being that fussy, save yourself the stress and let him eat the cake at school.

Give yourself a break and have a relaxed breakfast battle free morning.

Leave the cereal in the cupboard so it's there if he requests it.

poorbuthappy · 29/01/2015 08:36

Yr 7? Goodness me he sounds like a toddler.

Theas18 · 29/01/2015 08:37

He's 11. Pick your battles and stop pandering to him - I can see your strategy and the " you choose so you'll be happy to eat it" is a great one but he's using it to press your buttons.

Have a range of healthy ish food in the house - not stuff just for him that gets wasted when he takes against it and leave him too it. Maybe tell him what he can't eat " eg the ham in the fridge is for lunches please lave that" etc

Getting arsey about the brand of crumpet? That's really just out to make your day harder.

Cake once a week is a great deal but other than that, breakfast at home, or not. He wont die for not having it it and at 11 he will eat when hungry.

Does he eat proper food in the evenings. Does he have a " disney dad" who buys him his every wish?

Good luck OP

Triooooooooooo · 29/01/2015 08:38

You need to stop trying to micro manage him, he's never going to learn natural consequnces otherwise.

Leave him to it, he won't starve. And what's the issue with a cake once in a while ?? My dd and her friends have lattes / pastries on a friday, it doesnt hurt anyone.

A little give and take can go a long way and stop you turning into an overbearing nightmare.

LadyLuck10 · 29/01/2015 08:40

He's 11 and sounds like a whiny toddler. Don't pander to him. If he doesn't want to eat it he will learn the consequences when he's hungry and regret not eating.

JellyBeansHaveNoAgeLimit · 29/01/2015 08:43

[hmmm] Honey, i don't think just giving in to his is a great idea!

OP maybe he is just bored of having the same breakfast? Could you take him shopping with you and let him choose a few things he might like to have for breakfast? That way you could alternate so he doesn't got bored so quickly. Its a nightmare when they don't eat, i feel your pain!

ChocolateCherry · 29/01/2015 08:45

He's in yr 7. This is the problem. Once they start secondary school all manner of logic concerning breakfast, lunch and coats flies out the window as does your influence in them.

Wave the white flag of defeat. Provide breakfast items. Even portable breakfast items ( ie cereal bars, bananas, etc). Provide coat. Stand aside and let them get on with it.

Very hard I know but really you can only get into the 'eat some breakfast, wear your coat it's freezing' debate so many times. I have 3 teens at secondary school and once I adopted this approach my head felt so much better because I was no longer banging it against such a resistant surface every day .

They are surviving quite well. When they moan about the cold I calmly mention a coat. Their choice. When they moan about being hungry I point at the food. Help yourself.

We do still give them a nice packed lunch. Mostly they eat it, sometimes not (grits teeth).

My logic is if they're having a decent home cooked meal once a day we're doing ok. But at that I do admit that I haven't quite managed to give up yet on the mantra 'eat your vegetables'.

Original poster

Paddleslowly · 29/01/2015 08:48

I'm not an over bearing nightmare I just want him to stop being so fussy. He is 12 and Yep carries on like a toddler when it comes to food. He is as skinny as a rake and I worry. His absent pita dad once reported me to social services for not feeding him which is very untrue. Considering he doesn't pay a penny for him!
He had never eaten an egg, burger, ham, meatballs, cheese, pork chop, fish fingers the list is endless. He eats pasta, chicken and turkey. Refuses to eat cereal or toast.

OP posts:

Theas18 · 29/01/2015 08:50

jelly that's exactly what she's been doing. Buying what he says he wants and he's just being arsey about it!

Honeydragon · 29/01/2015 08:53

I don't mean it as giving in. I just don't think getting brands of favoured cereal or crumpets and chocolate spread in his particularly winning over cake at school.

If he's having a healthy lunch and dinner he may as well have the crap when he gets at school, than the crap in the morning making the ops morning rubbish.

MrsHathaway · 29/01/2015 08:54

He doesn't want to go to the cafe because of the food, but because of the company. I expect he said "crumpets with nutella" because he thought you'd refuse.

When you feed him at home, it thwarts his ambitions to be In With The In Crowd. Fitting in is so hugely important at that age that he can't even explain it to you - would you tell him it is daft or doesn't matter?

A compromise such as "you can go to the cafe x days a week so long as you eat cheap breakfast at home the other days" might work, if you can afford it.

To my mind it is like buying the right trainers - of course it ought not to matter, but to the child it really really does, and when it is within my power to help then I will, within reason.

odyssey2001 · 29/01/2015 08:57

If you are worried about his weight, get referral to see a dietician. They will have some strategies and suggestions, and will monitor his weight etc.

Honeydragon · 29/01/2015 08:57

Cherry

You've summed up our secondary school mantra.

Every morning the coat and the food is readily and easily available,

Whether to starve or freeze is their choice

ChocolateCherry · 29/01/2015 08:57

Yes the fitting in thing is very important.

Mine were blown away by The School Cafe in yr 7. But the novelty did wear off.

trice · 29/01/2015 08:57

He sounds as though he has an eating disorder. Have you been to the gp?

tobysmum77 · 29/01/2015 09:00

Is he actually underweight? on the children's bmi calculator? If you really are worried as others have said go to gp.

SuburbanRhonda · 29/01/2015 09:01

An eating disorder?

How did you arrive at that diagnosis, trice?

StrangeGlue · 29/01/2015 09:01

Good idea about the dietician op I saw one a few years ago and they were fab!

I know you've said he has food issues for a while but a bit of this sounds like teenage boundary pushing - if it wasn't this it's be something else! Sorry not v helpful!

Original poster

Paddleslowly · 29/01/2015 09:03

I cook a nice roast dinner and all he eats is two roast potatoes. If he goes out of the house without some sort of breakfast in him then doesn't have lunch. As he has not been doing because I log onto his lunch account then that means he has not eaten a thing allday. I have visions of him fainting at school and then I will have social services on my back. He is entiltiled to free school meals plus I top his account up with ten pounds. Which I can ill afford to do but this covers a drink if he needs one.
This morning he said " I can't believe you brought this type of crumpet you know I don't like these ones" it was the same brand I always buy! Because he had asked and said he would like crumpets for breakfast when we went food shopping.

OP posts:

Original poster

Paddleslowly · 29/01/2015 09:11

An eating disorder oh no I hope not

OP posts:

Selks · 29/01/2015 09:18

Go to your GP, request a referral to a dietician.

SuburbanRhonda · 29/01/2015 09:22

OP, I'm really sorry someone mentioned eating disorders in response to your concerns. Of course, if the GP refers him to a dietician who says he may have issues with eating, after doing a proper assessment of him, that's a different matter.

IME of working with Social Service, they would not be on anyone's back because a teenager didn't eat properly. If that were the case they'd never do anything else.

But it might be worth having a word with the school - do they have a Year 7 coordinator responsible for emotional wellbeing? It sounds like he might be struggling to settle in and dreads going to school, hence the meltdown in the morning. How is he on non-school days?

BeeRayKay · 29/01/2015 09:28

He sounds spoilt and rude.
why do you let him talk to you like that?

Original poster

Paddleslowly · 29/01/2015 10:04

He loves school and has settled in very well he has lots of friends. I have said to him that I will talk to the school if I don't see a change in his eating. I don't think its an eating disorder as when he does eat at home what he wants to eat he is fine. He enjoys eating at the harvester and kfc but that's a treat every now and again and its crap food. He does get arsey because I refuse to buy kfc every Friday.
BeeRayKay he is trying me at the moment! I tell him not to speak to me like that. He may think he's got away with it but when he gets in from school he will find his iPad has gone until he apologises for his disrespect.

OP posts:

LadyLuck10 · 29/01/2015 10:07

It doesn't sound like an eating disorder just plain rudeness and disrespect! People here are just too quick to run and diagnose something op take away all his gadgets until he learns to appreciate you and not be so spoilt.

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