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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Eat the damn Crumpet

85 replies

Paddleslowly · 29/01/2015 08:29

My ds is a very fussy eater and I'm at my wits end with it. Now that he's in year 7 he doesn't want breakfast at home but wants a cake at the school cafe in the morning. He has gone from "I don't like milk" on his breakfast to "I don't like Rice Krispies" and any other cereal you name it I have brought it. The box goes into the bin as he takes one mouthful and doesn't like it.
So I reach a compromise and ask what would you like. "Urm I like crumpets n Nutella" great I say so I buy them and he is fine. But this morning he created a drama "I don't like crumpets" and proceeded to take 15 minutes to eat half of it! Apparently he doesn't like the make of the crumpet, don't know why as I but the same packet.
I really don't like him to leave the house without some sort of breakfast in him. For a treat once a month I have said he can go to the cafe but I'm not happy about it. What can I do it's so frustrating I just would like him to eat the crumpet no drama

OP posts:
Original poster
Paddleslowly · 29/01/2015 10:13

I really don't think its an eating disorder at all. LadyLuck he is stroppy and demanding. He likes macaroni but will only eat it if I buy it from Marks n Spencer's he turns his nose up if from anyway else and refuses to eat it. I have taken his iPad and will take his iPhone as he had taken it to school already, when he gets in.

OP posts:
sebsmummy1 · 29/01/2015 10:17

I would probably take a different tack and refuse to give him breakfast at all. But then I have a toddler who eats well and is chubby, so I don't feel the same agar as I would if he was 11, refusing food and a skinny thing.

It does sound as though he is enjoying winding you up and requesting ever more tasty food. Cake for breakfast? Wouldn't we all rather eat that than something suitable?

Stinkle · 29/01/2015 10:19

He's in yr 7. This is the problem. Once they start secondary school all manner of logic concerning breakfast, lunch and coats flies out the window as does your influence in them.

LOL, that pretty much sums up my life with a secondary schooler!

Mine is in year 8 now. I provide a selection of breakfast items and let her get on with it. She sometimes grabs a banana out of the bowl on her way to school, sometimes she doesn't have anything, occasionally she'll have toast or something

I think she struggles to eat first thing in the morning actually (I'm the same and don't really feel ready for breakfast until I've been up for an hour or so) so she'll usually buy herself something from from the canteen at break time or take something from home to eat in her form room before registration.

I've backed off, she's 13, I've provided her with options, it's her look out

Original poster
Paddleslowly · 29/01/2015 10:22

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. I have tried to compromise with him on it. He simply can't go through his days not eating at lunchtime aswell with his build. I don't want to battle with him every morning and just give in. He is pushing his luck as it is and getting on my last nerve available

OP posts:
tethersend · 29/01/2015 10:25

Has he always eaten this way? It does sound like he has a lot of anxiety around food and is controlling it excessively.

Original poster
Paddleslowly · 29/01/2015 10:25

Fed up of his Friday whinging of " why can't I have kfc you never let me have what I want to eat"

OP posts:
Feminine · 29/01/2015 10:25

Please don't worry about this

Both my boys one is eleven, and the other when he was had similar issues around food. Particularly breakfast.
Our youngest struggles with his weight, he is very slender. However, he is fine doing his football and has masses of energy.
Our eldest made the same odd/crazy requests too, l fussed too much and kept trying to source the 'perfect' breakfast.
Youngest son has decided that he won't eat his sandwich at school now.
Instead of concerning myself, l have decided that a banana will do just fine.
Not really sure where l am going with this, except to say that l wouldn't worry. Our eldest is 16 now, massive, and is not malnourished.
Don't stress over this.
I did, and it just wasn't worth it. Wink

Feminine · 29/01/2015 10:27

Massive as in 'man sized' not overweight.
He is very slim.

SomewhereIBelong · 29/01/2015 10:28

Breakfast really isn't the most important meal of the day... if you choose to make it so, you may battle with that forever....

my DD cannot face food til break time, so she takes in something for breaktime from home.

I just say "we can't afford for you to eat out every day" if she mentions the cafe etc..

so at the weekend she makes cake to take for breaktime. Sometimes flapjack type (breakfast in a cake form) sometimes blueberry muffins, choc chip/oat and raisin cookies etc...

Littleen · 29/01/2015 10:31

When I was his age, I would get up and do my own breakfast, and shout 'bye' at my mum before leaving! Just supply various food in the kitchen, that are easy for him to grab and go, or to make up quickly (sandwich, fruit, yoghurt..). Don't give him money to buy stuff at school, and hell just have to be hungry if he cba to get breakfast in the morning. He will work it out!

Original poster
Paddleslowly · 29/01/2015 10:31

I wish he would eat a sandwich or a Bannana but that is out of the question as he refuses to eat either. I don't think its an anxiety issue as he has been given choices. Even being taken food shopping to help him make his mind up

OP posts:
LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 29/01/2015 10:35

If your X - who sounds like a real charmer - hadn't reported you to SS, what would you do in this situation? I think that's really the key. You have a teen who is winding you up (and as PPs have said, is firmly in the food and coat 'red zone') and at the back of your mind you have this worry that if he doesn't eat you'll have a malicious SS report to deal with.

Of course that's clouding your judgement!

But if there's a way to work through how you would feel without that issue, then that's the approach to take.

I agree the café thing is probably about seeing friends. If he can afford to have breakfast there (on the £10 you already top up) then I would be tempted to say yes. Any disrespect gets a £1 taken off next week's deposit.

Breakfast bars and bananas on tap, forget everything else, no more fussing. I also tend to agree he said crumpets and nutella cos he thought you'd say no - he's yanking your chain, so just quietly put the chain away.

tethersend · 29/01/2015 10:36

Sorry, didn't mean to imply that you were making him anxious, OP. DD1 has anxiety about food, especially new foods (this includes a different brand of the same food), and I have found that the best way to help her relax is to allow her to have control over what she eats, and just keep offering new foods with no pressure on her to actually eat them.

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 29/01/2015 10:37

Many people don't like to eat that early in the morning. It isn't the most important meal of the day if you don't feell like eating at that time!

I have a skinny 12 year old ds who eats very little breakfast. I offer him choices and leave him to it, he will eat what he wants whether I worry or not. My other ds eats a good breakfast, children are just different.

NimpyWWindowmash · 29/01/2015 10:42

My y7 is a bit like that, but the rule is he has to have SOME kind of breakfast at home, he can buy pretty much what he likes at school, but only if he eats some toast/cereal/egg at home.

He has a bacon roll every Friday at school, but still has a slice of toast at home first.

He buys cake or something treat like every day.

He also eats "proper" food (well, school food).

He is skinny and this way at least he gets enough calories in, then we do the fruit and veg part in the evening.

Can you make a similar rule with your DS? If he eats something at home, he can buy something else at school too? (not feasible if out of your budget, or if he is overweight I guess)

debbriana · 29/01/2015 10:44

Buy what you think is best. Leave it in the house. If he is hungry he knows where to find it. Make sure your not the one buying the cake. If the school is giving it fine.

Original poster
Paddleslowly · 29/01/2015 10:44

Yes Lonny that does play on my mind as I was absolute stunned to recieve the SS letter. And it probably has affected the way I see things. I'm terrified of another letter should he faint at school thru not eating. The letter reported that ds skin was hanging off his bones. Not true and they saw it as malicious but it's still at the back of my mind.
The minimum top up is ten pounds and he knows this so will just throw that back at me that I can't do that.
No didn't mean that you were implying an anxiety tether it boils down to him defienatly pushing my buttons.

OP posts:
LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 29/01/2015 10:46

I completely understand - anyone would feel the same way. But unfortunately it's just putting another layer of anxiety over the whole thing. I'm pretty sure you would normally file this one under 'pick your battles' but because of the SS thing you feel you can't Flowers

debbriana · 29/01/2015 10:50

Am sorry about my comment. Your son has a problem and you need to find help for him. The mantra I have always heard is that a child never starve themselves. But with your son it sounds like he can. This can be seen as a problem.

MaybeDoctor · 29/01/2015 10:56

If it is any help, I find the Warburton's crumpets are a lot nicer than the own-brand ones.

Also, I double-toast them - in for 6 minutes, then another couple of minutes on top.

Sorry you are going through these issues - you sound like a caring mum and the last person that SS would be worried about.

Stinkle · 29/01/2015 10:58

I totally understand regarding social services. I'm a foster carer and have social services in and out of my house all the time, I'll be honest and say it does sometimes make me feel nervous and under scrutiny.

But in reality, the social workers have all seen fussy pre-teens/teenagers in action, they'll see that you've got a cupboard full of food and he's simply choosing not to eat it. Social workers have sat in my house and seen my fostered and own children randomly turn their noses up, or outright refusing to eat anything at all.

If it worries you, I've always been advised to take them to the GP for a check up just to rule anything out, then just carry on as usual.

Original poster
Paddleslowly · 29/01/2015 10:59

Debbriana is it a problem or him just being fussy? I'm getting a tad nervous at possible eating disorder, anxiety and has a problem. As I have said he is given options of which he he has asked for

OP posts:
tobysmum77 · 29/01/2015 11:03

I suppose also it depends also how you define 'eating disorder'

probably in its widest sense it is possible to argue a lot of people have pretty disordered eating.

Original poster
Paddleslowly · 29/01/2015 11:03

MaybeDoctor Yep the warburtons are his exact choice. And I have to toast and re toast them for him so they are just right. I don't buy any other brand so his carry on this morning of " why did you buy these" are nonsense and him just being a brat.

OP posts:
MaybeDoctor · 29/01/2015 11:26

Well, if you have double-toasted them send them over to me if he doesn't want them!

Hope things get better.

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