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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that these cancer adverts are too much?

45 replies

FrancesNiadova · 26/01/2015 22:28

I was in the kitchen earlier making a cup of tea; 5 mins max. I came through to the lounge to find my 12 year old, head in his hands, sobbing his heart out. The advert of the man in the snow, to that awful depressing music, had been on.
I have used the MacMillan helpline myself when I was diagnosed with BC 2 years ago. I had a mx, then just over 12 months ago another operation with treatment from Dec-Feb. The adverts are right, the whole family goes through it.
Thankfully I'm NED now & I'm just getting ready to go back to some part time work that's not my old job. A new normal is starting to emerge from the awfulness of the last 3 years.
Sometimes, patients & their families want a night off, an evening to relax & forget the cr@p that they're all going through.
I'm really grateful to BCCUK & MacMillan for their helplines & resources, but for goodness sake, do their adverts have to be so frequent & so bldy depressing!

OP posts:

Hassled · 26/01/2015 22:35

Oh blimey, I dunno. On the one hand, any advert which raises money or awareness has to be a Good Thing. On the other hand - I lost my mother to cancer as a teenager and the ads which say words to the effect of "can you imagine what it's like...?" make me want to scream "Yes! Yes I fucking can! Now shut up!"

I'm so glad you're well again and have your new normal - it must have been so traumatic for your DS, hence his reaction. And you're right - they don't necessarily think of that, do they?

Happynapi · 26/01/2015 22:44

I cant bear them because of personal experiences they make my heart ache so badly and my head shout stop enough enough. I find my DD worrying at any cough I have that goes on for a few bouts and my DS was in a panic about one the other month which made us take up doctors time for reassurance though to be fair doc was excellent and gave dS lots of time.

balletgirlmum · 26/01/2015 22:47

I like the adverts at the moment which warn of seemingly harmless symptoms as I know several people for whom the outcome may have been different had they been diagnosed earlier.

Ds's school friend (age 10) lost his mum on Friday so I'm glad ds hasn't seen these ads. It's very raw as it is at the moment.

JoanHickson · 26/01/2015 22:48

I don't know anyone who has not themselves, family or friends been touched by cancer. Yanbu it's too much. I think these organisations walk a fine line and go too far at times.

Original poster

FrancesNiadova · 26/01/2015 22:50

They need to raise the money, but the adverts are so upsetting. My ds was properly sobbing earlier. I thought,"haven't we all been through enough," & also that the ad was having a detrimental effect on what was, until that point, a relaxed evening.

OP posts:

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 27/01/2015 02:18

Right this minute I am particularly pissed off with McMillan, so am probably not exactly being fair to them.
My friend is dying of cancer, she has reached the end of a long arduous journey over many years and is just about at the end of her road :(
today McMillan said they couldn't help, couldn't send anyone to see her, and couldn't offer anything other than the phone number for her local social services dept...
She is in bloody London fgs - if they are no use there, then where ARE they any use?
Just the final straw figuratively speaking, they have let us down before when my FiL was dying and my Dad and I just have no time for them any more.
If they spent less time asking for money with heartrending ads and more actually DOING what they purport to do, maybe I'd feel differently but right now... they can fuck off :( :(

ithoughtofitfirst · 27/01/2015 06:11

It's awful isn't it. My solution of not really watching tv is pretty extreme but I find loads of adverts make me well up for various reasons.

JeanSeberg · 27/01/2015 06:17

Very sorry to read that Pom, I hope your friend manages to find some support elsewhere.

SlicedAndDiced · 27/01/2015 06:23

On the rare occasion I watch the telly I always instant mute when the adverts come on until the time the program comes on and just look away from the telly.

It's just too upsetting. I'm not sure if it's my autism but these adverts sometimes mean I am unable to sleep and cry about them months afterwards.

My Dad donates to charity but over the Christmas period got sick of all of the adverts trying to wrench his heart out. He actually started jotting it down, how much he would have to pay out to not feel like a heartless wanker....I think he's up to about £300 a month.

SnookyPooky · 27/01/2015 06:50

Agree with Pom, they were no help at all when my DGM way dying. My Mum gets really angry at that ad.

wanderingcloud · 27/01/2015 06:58

Thankfully haven't seen the ad in question but WHOLLY agree. Especially with Hassled on this "I lost my mother to cancer as a teenager and the ads which say words to the effect of "can you imagine what it's like...?" make me want to scream "Yes! Yes I fucking can! Now shut up!""

I'm right there over 10 years since she passed away. It still pisses me off to be reminded how much I lost thanks to (a particularly rare) cancer. It doesn't encourage me to donate, merely want to throw things at the TV. Perhaps not the best tack for the advertisers. You would think they might try something new for a change.

LadyRainicorn · 27/01/2015 07:01

My mum has secondary bc right now. She's not fond of the macmillian nurses. The ones at CAB (and at the wig place the 1st time around) have been good, but her current 'proper' one wants to do a lot of hand holding and head tilting and sighing, which tits my mum right off. Mum just wants to know stuff. A quiet respectful silence while she gathered her thoughts would be okay I think but the perputual headtilt is making her grind her teeth I don't do it at home to wind her up oh no

Original poster

FrancesNiadova · 27/01/2015 07:03

DS calmed down after a while & went to bed. He gets very upset at things like this & they get him worrying about his own health. I think that they have a detrimental impact on those who are going or have gone through it & their loved ones.

OP posts:

LadyRainicorn · 27/01/2015 07:03

Are these ones better or worse than those 'I'm coming to get you cancer' ones? The ones that made it look like a fight to win or lose, rather than a disease?

Original poster

FrancesNiadova · 27/01/2015 07:06

for your Mum Rainicorn

(Doesn't head tilt at all!)

OP posts:

Original poster

FrancesNiadova · 27/01/2015 07:07

Oh I know, it really is the luck of the draw.
I was lucky, my lymph nodes were clear.
Luck, that's it.
There was no fighting involved!

OP posts:

Jojoanna · 27/01/2015 07:19

The Macmillan nurses would not come out to my dad when he was dying of cancer . I can't watch the ads either very upsetting .

LadyRainicorn · 27/01/2015 07:19

Thanks Frances, flowers she likes!

I've just reread your op, you and mum must have been going through treatment for bc at approximately the same time but 70% of the lymph nodes on one side were affected which is why they think it has come back. I will keep everything crossed that you remain clear

Original poster

FrancesNiadova · 27/01/2015 07:30

When I was diagnosed & told that I needed a mastectomy, all I said was, "Oh shit!" Not much fighting talk there I'm afraid.
It wasn't until I'd had the op to remove the sentinel lymph node + 4 others & been told that they were clear, that I started to think that maybe things might be ok.
No fight, just relief.
It would just be nice to have an evening when the family can watch TV without being reminded of it.

OP posts:

crazykat · 27/01/2015 07:52

As balletgirl said the ones that show some of the early symptoms are good as they may get some to get checked out and treatment earlier. If my mum hadn't ignored her early symptoms she may still be here with us.

The ones about it touching friends and family have me in tears. One came on the night I lost my mum to cancer and I nearly lost it. It may be melodramatic but I change channel as soon as any of them start as they still upset me.

The new anti smoking ones are the same. Yes I know they're trying to get the message across but surely everyone who smokes knows its bad for you. Ds1 accidently saw one and got upset as dh used to smoke but is trying to quit. He was terrified that dh was going to die.

notnaice · 27/01/2015 08:23

I've also been in tears at ads like this as it is a bit too close to home.

The ones listing symptoms to watch out for is making my kids question every small illness. One dc has even said "do you think this is cancer" to some minor something or other. It worries him that.
When I hear them my reaction is always - yes it's all very well going to the doctor but they haven't got the resources to treat everything as cancer symptoms so you waste precious time being treated or not for minor things, so it a bit pointless. Your symptoms have to be bad to be taken seriously. Not just because you've had a cough lasting more than 3 weeks etc.

Sallystyle · 27/01/2015 08:32

With my health anxiety and losing three people to cancer last year I hate them.

My kids are petrified that are going to die of cancer like their dad and they do upset them, especially when they listened to one that said get checked out if you have a cough for two weeks when I had a cough that lasted for ages.

More and more people are coming over to a health anxiety forum I am on and I believe a lot of these adverts are contributing towards it. We are bombarded with cancer talk, I turn on the radio and there is an advert saying to get checked out if you have this symptom or another. Awareness is a great thing but yeah, I would like to watch TV or listen to the radio without having to see adverts about it.

OP, I am so glad you are doing well

shovetheholly · 27/01/2015 08:50

I think it's really, really hard for people who are patients. I completely understand what it's like, as a family, to be sitting there trying to have a normal evening, and then to be reminded about it again.

However, there is a real and genuine need to raise awareness of cancer symptoms. We have a huge problem in this country, in that our rates of early diagnosis are way lower than they should be - we are down on other countries in Europe. Late presentation at the GP surgery with symptoms is partly to blame. (I also think there is a problem with GPs - getting referred can be a nightmare for some cancer patients. My Mum was left for an entire year with breast cancer because the GP patronisingly told her it was 'just her rib' that she could feel. She had a huge fight on her hands when it was finally diagnosed. But this is all the more reason to empower people to go to their doctor early and to INSIST on being seen).

I would also say to the OP that your DS having a good cry about this, and being able to express his feelings isn't necessarily a bad thing at all. Cancer is traumatic for families, too, and providing a supportive environment for kids to explore those difficult feelings can be helpful. Of course, you want to be able to choose that time, though. How about recording TV and forwarding through the ads for a bit?

wobblebobblehat · 27/01/2015 09:00

Me neither, they are so negative and depressing. I think the Cancer Research 'We're coming to get you' was worse though.

Wish they would focus on positive outcomes they are achieving...

hackmum · 27/01/2015 09:12

Why are Macmillan saying they won't send nurses out? Is it because they are over-stretched or for some other reason?

They were very good to us when my mum was dying. That was 30 years ago, however.

Haven't seen the adverts, but I do generally get fed up with the way cancer is discussed, written about, publicised etc.

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