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AIBU?

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Original poster

how weird is it to talk about our wedding....

27 replies

petitchouxfleur · 19/01/2015 20:10

When we're not even engaged?

My bf and I often make (half joking) comments to each other about what sort of wedding we'd have....food...colour scheme, if I'd have a big meringue dress, and so on. The other day having watched one of those first dance videos on YouTube we were laughing over that, and whether we'd do serious, funny, or half and half for our first dance and to what music etc.

I didn't see anything wrong with it, but in speaking to the friend who sent me the link to the video I mentioned what we'd been saying, and she did a proper cats bum face and said that was a bit odd, especially as my bf is quite anti marriage (he was when we first met as had just gone through a bad divorce, not do much now) and why discuss something that might never happen?...

So, is she bu or am I?!

OP posts:
EatShitDerek · 19/01/2015 20:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dukketeater · 19/01/2015 20:13

Your friend is being OTT. Lots of people who aren't engaged talk about their wedding, same as people who aren't trying for a baby talk about their future kids.

MrsTawdry · 19/01/2015 20:13

how long have you been together? How old are you both? To be honest, I'd be careful if I were you...if you want to get married one day, I would use one of these conversations to check out his real feelings about marriage.

the sound of your conversations are pretty jokey..."Me in a meringue" it seems like you're joining in with him ridiculing weddings....and that if, one day in the future you get tired of the conversations and want the real thing he might say "Oh but you always laughed about how silly it all was!"

Check out how he feels...if you've been together for more than couple of years at least...ask him if he's still anti marriage. Get a STRAIGHT answer too.

HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 19/01/2015 20:16

at least it's an actual thing.

We had a discussion that lasted over an hour about what is the best superpower to have and why (and why what each other chose was crap) and what we would do with ours.

(I chose invisibility)

Spartak · 19/01/2015 20:18

I had a conversation with a colleague last week about what colour and style bridesmaid dresses I'd have. I'm single and have been for two years with no sign of that changing. I'm still say I'm sort of normal.

Original poster
petitchouxfleur · 19/01/2015 20:18

I agree people talk about all sorts, hence I didn't think it was a big deal!

We're both 40, together for 9 months. I'm not that bothered about getting married. I'd like to, but never expected to so if I don't it's not the end of the world iyswim?

And I wasn't mocking the meringue...as far as my dress goes (if I ever do get married) the bigger the better! Blush

OP posts:
LadyLuck10 · 19/01/2015 20:18

If he is anti marriage then it's quite and odd thing to keep talking about. Would you like to get married?

OliviaBenson · 19/01/2015 20:19

We talk about 'our kids' in spite of choosing to be child free. I get it and don't think it's weird at all.

Original poster
petitchouxfleur · 19/01/2015 20:20

We do the superpower one too!

He wants invisibility. I want time travel Grin

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 19/01/2015 20:22

Erm talk about whatever you like....

Why does she bother you Confused

Original poster
petitchouxfleur · 19/01/2015 20:23

He was anti marriage when we met, mainly because of a horrible break up and divorce. He was quite cynical about it all. But he said at the time he wouldn't always feel that way, and I feel now he does consider it at least as a possibility at some point in future.

OP posts:
Original poster
petitchouxfleur · 19/01/2015 20:25

She's usually a really good, reliable friend. The fact she was so down on it made me question whether it was ok or not.

OP posts:
UrsulaBuffay · 19/01/2015 20:25

I think it's fine to talk but don't let it get your hopes up, men talk shite

Original poster
petitchouxfleur · 19/01/2015 20:43

I'm really not that bothered about getting married. Nice if it happens but not the end of the world. We both look at ours as a long term relationship, hopefully for the rest of our lives. That's more important to me than marriage.

OP posts:
MrsTawdry · 19/01/2015 22:29

Well...maybe...aside from security in a financial sense of course.

Romeorodriguez · 19/01/2015 22:31

I think it is a bit of an odd thing to talk about if neither of you is bothered. I think it means more to you than you think, because it would never have registered as a conversation topic with any of my boyfriends.

Trills · 19/01/2015 22:33

Sounds like you both think that getting married is a possibility.

And weddings are interesting things to discuss.

No big deal, really.

Does your friend have any particular reason why she might be feeling particularly down on this subject?

CakeMakesMeHappy · 19/01/2015 22:34

Not at all! Love this kind of conversation.

We talked about our kids and what they would be like (short. I was right as it turns out, dd is 6 months and very little) waaaay before we ever planned to have any!

IssyStark · 19/01/2015 22:38

I had decided (and discussed with now DH) what we would name our first born son a full decade before we married and a decade and a half before said child made his appearance.

So no, not abnormal at all.

QueenInTheNorth · 19/01/2015 22:44

I think its 100% normal if you're in a serious relationship with someone and see a future with them, its natural to talk about the things you'd like in your life as a couple, weddings and children being the obvious big ones!

Silverdaisy · 19/01/2015 22:47

Discussing if zombies are real is not quite on the same league as discussing getting married. I would assume there is little danger of one person getting their hopes up that zombies will be wondering around our local town.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 20/01/2015 00:21

I think it's fine to discuss fantasy weddings. Do you / he have kids? Do you want them or want more? That's the serious discussion I'd want to be having in your shoes...

x2boys · 20/01/2015 00:53

We discuus what we will do with our millions when we win the lottery and which of our family members we will help out its highly unlikely we will ever have a big win but you never know!

Original poster
petitchouxfleur · 20/01/2015 08:37

We both already have children, and don't want any more! I'm financially secure (am lucky enough to own my home outright) so marrying for security would never be a motivation.

It's usually him who starts these conversations, not me, I really don't spend my time day dreaming about our wedding Bridget Jones style, and trying to find ways to talk about it! Grin

OP posts:
HmmAnOxfordComma · 20/01/2015 08:43

Your friend is BU.

If you're 40s, you probably won't get "engaged" anyway. You'll either stay as you are or you'll just decide to get married at some point. Well, technically you'll be engaged then, but what I mean is not everybody talks about getting engaged, then gets engaged. You talk about getting married, then you talk about it seriously, then you ARE engaged!

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