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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit miffed about PIL going on holiday when baby is due

32 replies

avocadotoast · 17/01/2015 12:57

I recently found out that PIL will be away on holiday around the time our first baby (their second grandchild) is due. They're going away with BIL, his partner and daughter, and partner's parents.

I didn't expect them to be constantly at our side around the time the baby is born (and tbh I wouldn't want them to), but aibu in being a bit annoyed about this? I think if it was just the two of them going I wouldn't mind as much, but in a way it kind of feels like they're prioritising others over us. (And I know, it's not a competition, maybe I am just being a bit silly.)

DH isn't bothered, so that's probably what they were going on when they booked it, and it's not like I expect them to not go or anything, but... I dunno. Am I justified in being annoyed or am I just being preggo crazy and overly sensitive?

OP posts:

kewtogetin · 17/01/2015 13:00

I'm swaying towards overly sensitive.....it's highly unlikely your baby will be born on it's due date anyway so unless you were planning on having them their at the birth it's a non issue.....

flashnorman · 17/01/2015 13:02

I think yabu. You won't care about this when the baby arrives, you will just be thinking of your own little family then. Since your DH isn't bothered then you shouldn't let it bother you.

Pyjamaramadrama · 17/01/2015 13:03

Yab so u. I assume that they are coming back. This reminds me of when my sister kicked off because my brothers new baby was due at the same time as her wedding.

Original poster

avocadotoast · 17/01/2015 13:03

Thanks both. I did feel like I was perhaps being a bit sensitive! And yeah, you're right, I probably won't care nearer the time.

OP posts:

WooWooOwl · 17/01/2015 13:04

You are being overly sensitive.

If they're going a way with others it's even more understandable in my mind that it would be if they were going alone. They have other people to consider when working out suitable dates for everyone, whereas if it was just them they'd only have themselves to consider.

Can you see that if they didn't go on this holiday then it would be just as easy for others to say that you were being prioritised over them?

As you say you don't want them around constantly anyway, and presumably you'd have said if you needed them for childcare, then I think you should try and let go of the way you're feeling.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 17/01/2015 13:04

You're over thinking this, they're going on holiday, no big deal.

Pyjamaramadrama · 17/01/2015 13:05

I'm pregnant I'm I'm kind of dreading the initial visitors. Would love everyone to go on holiday and come back when I've had chance to get some normality back.

Original poster

avocadotoast · 17/01/2015 13:06

WooWoo yes that makes sense actually. I hadn't thought of it that way.

OP posts:

HazleNutt · 17/01/2015 13:06

Probably a bit sensitive, unless your PILs insisted the holiday has to be at your due date. But it was probably more depending on when BIL and SIL could get holidays, prices etc, so not done to spite you or anything. Could be even a blessing, if your PILs are the type to hover at the hospital while you're in labour - now you will have a lovely time with just your new family.

TiggerLillies · 17/01/2015 13:07

Not sure what the issue is, it gives you time to enjoy the new baby yourselves. I really wouldn't worry about it, they get a nice holiday, you get a cute baby - everyone is happy.
I'm really not bothered when my in laws come and see our new baby - as long as they show interest in years to come :)

Fullpleatherjacket · 17/01/2015 13:07

Over-sensitive.

For a start the due date is an estimate and even if they are around you may not feel like having visitors for a few days anyway. Look on it as a reprieve.

Becca1818 · 17/01/2015 13:10

I wish mine were going away. Instead they, I imagine will be a pain in the arse.

stardusty5 · 17/01/2015 13:13

YABU however, i do understand why you feel like that, particularly as they may not have booked to be away if your baby was going to be dgc1.
Agree with others but can see where you are coming from

RumbleMum · 17/01/2015 13:16

I would feel exactly the same as you, then have stern words with myself about being oversensitive which wouldn't have any effect

Chaseface · 17/01/2015 13:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

avocadotoast · 17/01/2015 13:20

Haha RumbleMum that's exactly what I'm trying to do with this thread I needed a bit of sane perspective.

I swear I wouldn't normally care about this stuff... Pregnancy emotions are all over the place!

OP posts:

MamaLazarou · 17/01/2015 13:22

Give yourself a break, love. Hormones are raging!

SnowWhiteAteTheApple · 17/01/2015 13:26

YABU, it's a holiday not a permanent move away. Whilst the baby is the most important thing to you, it's not to others and they don't have to plan their lives round it.

Of course they MIL may be a MN and has read the zillion threads about DILs banning visitors for the first month

TruJay · 17/01/2015 13:30

I was upset when my PIL did this but they had promised to look after DS while I was having DD in hospital. DD was 6 days late so it didn't matter in the end but they went away 1 week before the due date and got back 3 days after so I did think it was a bit off, I worried so much that DD would come while they were away.
I can see why u are upset though, I personally wouldn't go away if my grandchild was due, whether it was the first or tenth but that's just me. Not everyone thinks the same as I have found out with my in-laws over the years

BauerTime · 17/01/2015 13:34

If they sat at the hospital for 48hrs so they wouldn't miss the birth of their first grandchild and thought it was the happiest day of their lives, and then booked a holiday on your due date then I totally understand why you feel a bit about it.

But the fact of the matter is that first grandchildren or daughters having babies is always going to be a bit more 'special' than subsequent grandkids and DIL's giving birth for lots of MILs people. It's not a reflection on you and your child, they will just be a bit more rational about it this time and that's totally normal.

I love my MIL most of the time but tbh I could have done without her for a week after DS was born. Even though I'm glad she was around and got to have the moment she wanted when he was just a few hours old.

Nancy66 · 17/01/2015 13:35

yep, totally unreasonable.

you even admit you wouldn't particularly want them around all the time when the baby is born. Seems they can't win!

MagicMojito · 17/01/2015 13:36

Yes yabu. I cannot begin to fathom why people expect/want others there interfering helping out in those first few days with new born. I literally wanted a giant skull and cross painted across the front door. Then again I am ridiculously anti social

redskybynight · 17/01/2015 13:39

So it's your first child, so no other children to consider? You'll probably be glad not to have them breathing down your neck!!

Topseyt · 17/01/2015 13:41

A little over sensitive, though that is allowed when pregnant.
I know I was too, and over some pretty daft stuff.

My PIL used to own an apartment on a Spanish island. They used to spend several months of the year out there. They were there when our first baby was born almost 20 years ago. My husband phoned them with the news. They booked flights home and visited us a few days later. It was fine. To be honest, I certainly wasn't up to much in that first few days and weeks.

You may find in the end that you are glad of a few days grace straight after the birth, just seeing people if and when you want to.

Good luck.

Goingintohibernation · 17/01/2015 13:52

YANBU to feel a bit miffed, but it is a couple of weeks of your baby's life at most, so not a massive deal. I was a bit put out when my Mum did similar, and booked a holiday about 2 weeks after DS was due. He ended up being 10 days late, so was about 3 or 4 days old when she went. As an added bonus she left me with two horses to look after, to be fair one of them was mine. I have no idea what I would have done if I'd needed a caesarean.

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