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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my sister has messed up priorities?

44 replies

Blackout234 · 16/01/2015 16:30

As some of you may know, i very recently left an abusive relationship, my ex p punched me in the throat, im 23 weeks pregnant.
Anyhow, he was reported to police, arrested and bailed with the condition to not contact me (He has upheld this so far). however my mum has contacted him (Which is allowed) to ask about getting my pets back, she then went up there and got my pets. Thankfully my 2 rabbits and cat are fine.
Anyhow, my older sister has now kicked off at me about the fact i didnt tell my mum to get my new straighteners, work stuff (Which I will need to replace) and clothes.
It was a job and a half for my mum to get my animals. she also has sciatica and there is no road access for our house, not a far walk about 2 minutes, but for someone with sciatica carrying all of my pets is a job enough nevermind all of the rest of my stuff, which i have no problem losing as straightners etc can be replaced my pets cant (frankly i was worried for their safety, if he punches his pregnant fiance in the throat what will he do to my poor pets:(), I'm really upset as my sister is constantly at me about the stuff which to me is just that, stuff. it can be replaced. 3 little lives can't.
I really could care less about it, ontop of everything else stressing about "stuff" Is one thing i can do without.
AIBU

OP posts:
UrchinMadeOfAcne · 16/01/2015 16:34

YANBU

Tell your sister to do one.

HolyTerror · 16/01/2015 16:34

I can understand why pets would be a priority for a pet-owner, but is there any reason why a trusted friend or family member shouldn't go and collect the rest of your belongings too? It's hardly an either/or situation.

TranmereRover · 16/01/2015 16:36

IT sounds rather like your sister should be the one to go and collect all those things. Perhaps she has someone who can go with her if she's concerned about running into your ex-P there?

FishWithABicycle · 16/01/2015 16:36

YANBU. Your sister is so lucky to have not gone through the kind of shit that would have taught her the comparatively low value of stuff.

UrchinMadeOfAcne · 16/01/2015 16:36

I don't understand why its any of your sister's business.

Unless she would like to offer her services and collect them for you?

Sirzy · 16/01/2015 16:37

Can your sister not go and collect the rest of your things? Although I can see why pets are priority I can see where your sister is coming from in the sense of you will surely need other things so it's best to get them ASAP ?

Mammanat222 · 16/01/2015 16:37

Surely you can get your stuff though? I mean you can't just write off all your worldly possessions?

Pretty sure the Police offered me an escort when I rang them about my ex (he didn't actually do anything but when I left he made threats to damage all my stuff I'd left and the Police took that quite seriously). In the end I didn't need any Police escort - my folks came and my ex was out.

yellowdinosauragain · 16/01/2015 16:37

Your sister is being unreasonable to hassle you over this, unless you're inconveniencing her by expecting to borrow her stuff all the time when she needs it.

As a previous poster says it doesn't have to be either or. I totally understand why your pets were the first priority and why this was more than enough for your mum to deal with. But why now wouldn't you try and get some of your other stuff back if you can do so without too much trouble?

sonjadog · 16/01/2015 16:37

Could you sister not go get your stuff if she is so concerned about it?

tobysmum77 · 16/01/2015 16:38

yanbu but as others have said next time she brings it up, tell her she is welcome to go and get it for you.

ZebraLovesKnitting · 16/01/2015 16:39

YANBU, and if your sister's that concerned then she can go and get your other stuff for you.

Original poster
Blackout234 · 16/01/2015 16:41

My mum was the only person willing to go up (Dont speak to my dad and my sisters are both also pregnant so wouldnt risk it). she just thinks im crazy to get my pets but not my belongings O.o for the sake of 300-350 pounds (What it'll cost to replace everything at most) I can stay away without feeling guilt over my poor lonely straighteners, the clothes i never wore and my work stuff

OP posts:
BackforGood · 16/01/2015 16:41

I agree with HolyTerror
I don't see why you shouldn't have a time when you can go and collect things you need for work, personal possessions, etc. - or ask someone else to on your behalf.

Summerbreezer · 16/01/2015 16:41

OP, you can arrange for a police officer to accompany you to the rest of your belongings. There is no either/or here - talk to the Officer in Charge of the case (OIC) about getting your belongings back.

I think your sister probably cares about you. As her if she will get the stuff. If not, get the police involved.

Your only enemy here is your shitbag of an ex.

NeedABumChange · 16/01/2015 16:41

I thought in situations like this the police would come and escort you to get your stuff at a time when he is not going to be there. Does this not happen?

BackforGood · 16/01/2015 16:42

x-post

NeedABumChange · 16/01/2015 16:42

Cross-post!

Notnaice · 16/01/2015 16:42

Give her permission to collect them on your behalf.

yellowdinosauragain · 16/01/2015 16:43

Well if you can do without and you're not inconveniencing your sister by using all her stuff in the meantime then tell her to mind her own.

If you could do with it, and that amount of money is not insignificant especially with a baby on the way, what about asking the police to provide an escort as mentioned above?

NeedABumChange · 16/01/2015 16:44

Also if they were GHDs then replace with cheaper ones, there is a thread knocking around saying that new GHDs are pants. Not the point of the thread, I know, but thought it might save you some pennies.

Original poster
Blackout234 · 16/01/2015 16:44

i wasnt aware of that actually (Police escorts) i havent been offered it but it isa good idea.ive got what i need (Basics, the only 3 important documents i have to my name and my pets), i'll look into it but if its a massive fuss then i'll just leave it because its not important things

OP posts:
NeedsAsockamnesty · 16/01/2015 16:45

More to the point, why did you have to leave and not him?

Mammanat222 · 16/01/2015 16:46

I posted up-thread about Police escorts.

Why should you be out £300 when you are now homeless and half way through a pregnancy?

ShadowsShadowsEverywhere · 16/01/2015 16:48

Is it partly a fresh start thing? I did that. I went into refuge and a week later binned my entire wardrobe. I eventually replaced everything else as well. It all felt tainted "ex used to use that mug, ex used to trip over that hair dryer, ex always made me wear that dress" I needed the clean break.

Don't worry about the stuff if you don't want to, regardless of what anyone else says. Do what feels right and most importantly take care of yourself x

Original poster
Blackout234 · 16/01/2015 16:50

Needsasockamnesty, his name is on lease not mine. we werent married (engaged). Plus I wasnt about to risk getting another fist because for all i know the next one couldve been aimed toward my stomach. i left a grand total of 15 minutes after he hit me, Was more concerned with legal stuff he could withhold and make my life harder without, (Birth cert, License, NI card, bank stuff) Over the nice stuff like straighteners.

OP posts: