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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not send my daughter to school

50 replies

crazylady12 · 13/01/2015 09:29

In need of some help as am a single mum with no one to talk to my 5 year old loves school she's been going since she was 12 months anyway she's screamed the last 6 mornings they have had to drag her off me all she's saying is she's missing me aibu to stop taking her until the school a dress it as an issue what's forcing her going to achieve

OP posts:

LighterGate · 13/01/2015 09:32

Not sending her will just make the problem worse I'm afraid, she has got to go to school.

Could you speak to her teacher? You could maybe bring her in 5 minutes after the other children so it's not as manic as usual and the teacher can help you rather than have to focus on all the other children at the same time IYSWIM.

I'm sorry she's finding it difficult, it's so upsetting when they don't want to leave.

HighwayDragon · 13/01/2015 09:33

If she's 5 then she legally needs to be in school. How about bribing her?

Blu · 13/01/2015 09:34

Have you already spoken to her teacher? How is she after you have gone, does she settle down? Have you asked her teacher if anything has changed within class, or upset her? Have you spoken calmly to your dd about why she is doing this? Not at the time, but at tea time, for example? What issue is there fore the school to address??

I would definitely not keep her off unless you have explored all these options - she may well simply be having a bit of a drama having seen someone else doing the same thing!

SuburbanRhonda · 13/01/2015 09:35

There's another almost identical thread on here at the moment. In that one, the parent says her 5-year-old DD loves school and it's only the going-in bit she frets about.

What is your child like once she's there? If she's fine, I would see it as a phase and hang on in there.

Just to add - it's not just the school who needs to address this. You need to work with them. They have seen this a thousand times, so be receptive to their advice.

MrsHathaway · 13/01/2015 09:37

I think keeping her off will make it worse - how can they address it without her there?

Teachers are used to children who go off school. You need to work together.

Lilybensmum1 · 13/01/2015 09:37

I understand how hard this is, I'm not a single mum but my DH was never around to see my DS being taken into school sobbing. It does get better and you are doing the right thing.

I used to go home and sob no other child was doing this, so felt i to had no one to talk to. Keep going with it, I bet as soon as you leave your dd she is ok! Have you ever phoned the school when this has happened to see if she has settled. At my DS school they let me sit in reception for 20 mins then they would go and see how he was, always ok, so I could go home happy.

It will pass, do Keep sending her, kids are clever they will soon cotton on if you don't send her in when she is crying. Keep going and good luck.

MrsCakesPrecognition · 13/01/2015 09:38

Take her, drop her as fast as possible after a kiss goodbye, hide round the corner and sob.
And arrange an after school meeting with the teachers.
She has to go, the teachers will be used to dealing with wobbly children.

londonrach · 13/01/2015 09:38

Poor dd. have you spoken to her re why she suddenly does like school. Missing you (although nice) could be a red herring. Can you spend some time in the school, doesnt have to be in your dd classroom but just to know you there. I do think the first thing you need to do is apart from talking to your dd is talk to her teacher. Has anything changed. Hope your dd likes school again x

TheWitTank · 13/01/2015 09:38

You need to speak with the school about some solutions to this, but absolutely not keep her at home. Aside from the fact that you can't legally anyway, keeping her at home is not going to solve anything. To reassure you, It is a fairly common issue and usually isn't long lived.

ISolemnlySwearImUptoNoGood · 13/01/2015 09:40

I completely agree with lighter. It is upsetting but you must send her.

I had this with my second. She screamed every dang day that I left her at nursery. It used to stress me out and make me feel so guilty. Funny thing was, literally as soon as I'd gone, she would calm down and start the nursery routine. She was only doing it for my 'benefit'. It carried on into reception, but her teacher was so 'no nonsense' with her that I think she only did it for a week then stopped.

You do need to speak with the teacher and formulate a strategy. It might be difficult at first but be consistent.

Kittymum03 · 13/01/2015 09:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BathshebaDarkstone · 13/01/2015 09:44

Has she been off for a long time? DS1 was off for 2 weeks with a chest infection when he was 5, when he went back he was hysterical, only his best friend could calm him down.

Original poster

crazylady12 · 13/01/2015 10:10

She had two weeks Christmas holiday but that's it she's stopped going to after school club as well which she absolutely loved am just concerned because it's not just dropping her off she's teary all day am just scared forcing her could cause some problems she is only young :( the teacher asked her but all she's saying is she misses me

OP posts:

Original poster

crazylady12 · 13/01/2015 10:15

Nothings changed at home either so hate that were forced to send kids to school.

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 13/01/2015 10:19

It sounds as though the holiday has unsettled her but if there's something else you and the school need to find out what it is. You can't just keep her off as legally she has to attend.

lightbulbisbright · 13/01/2015 10:24

No don't keep her off school. Lots of DC don't want to go back after the cosiness of the Christmas holidays it's normal. I don't think many of us want to go back to work tbh but we have to and find we get back into the groove and enjoy it.

Vivacia · 13/01/2015 10:25

How is she after you've left? I think we've all heard stories of children crying their eyes out for mum and then spotted happily playing 30 seconds later.

I do sympathise, it's so difficult.

(Also, upthread somebody said that children legally have to be in school. That's not quite true, they legally have to be educated).

ilovesooty · 13/01/2015 10:27

Sorry Vivacia point taken. Of course if the OP wishes to HE she's entitled to do so.

Vivacia · 13/01/2015 10:28

I agree with those saying how the Christmas holidays can unsettle them. Which of us really want to go out in dark and cold? We want to hibernate! It'll get easier and there's lots of fun stuff to look forward to at school over the next couple of terms.

SuburbanRhonda · 13/01/2015 10:28

I would say that for a 5-year-old, a full day plus after-school club is probably too much and it's good you were able to pull her out of that.

She could just be tired. So many of our Reception children are, especially the ones who have been unwell over the Christmas break.

OP, it must be very upsetting for you, but try not to think of it as "forcing" her to go. Try to think of it as supporting her through a difficult phase. Otherwise she's in danger of picking up from you that you hate it as much as she does.

Original poster

crazylady12 · 13/01/2015 10:42

Thank you for the advice I try to stay positive I don't let her see I hate sending her yeah after school club was her idea if she Dosent want to go she dosent I'll persist a while longer see if she calms down

OP posts:

SuburbanRhonda · 13/01/2015 12:46

If she was the one who decided - at the age of 5 - whether or not to go to after-school club, perhaps she thinks she's the one who makes the decisions?

It might be time to take a bit of control back and work with the school to support her with what, in the vast majority of cases, is just a phase.

NickiFury · 13/01/2015 12:48

She doesn't need to "legally be in school", no child does. She needs to legally be receiving a suitable education.

Presumably you want her to continue in school, because if not there's the option to home educate for a while. She could always go back later.

NickiFury · 13/01/2015 12:49

Sorry just saw your post Vivacia .

MrsHathaway · 13/01/2015 13:15

The fact that home schooling and flexi schooling are legal is irrelevant - OP's DD is of compulsory education age and is registered at school full time. So she does have to go until and unless OP formally withdraws her.

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