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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think now is not the time

56 replies

Kab13 · 05/01/2015 19:15

We brought a new car and gave the old one to my mum. She couldnt afford to buy her own or insure it etc so we did all that, so she just pays for the petrol.
Unfortunately the car has a ridiculous private number plate on it (it's a bloody old ford focus) but my in laws brought this number plate for dh when he got his first car.
When my in laws found out about my mum having the car I was told it was wrong for my mum to have it and they want it back .
Bearing in mind it's only on the car because when we brought it they absolutely insisted we put this bloody private number plate on because they had to pay for it yearly when it wasn't being used.
This is all fine, if it means that much to them.
My grandad (mums dad) died today. My in laws knew this. So fil calls to say he's sorry about my grandad (good start) but he needs my mum to get a new number plate for her car, sort all the forms out and give back his number plate THIS WEEK.
Wtf?
She's pretty busy organising a funeral. Seriously?
Surely he could have saved it for another day. Is it that urgent?
I'm now expected to go and seet grieving mother tomorrow and somehow slip in that she needs to get a new number plate for her car, sort out all the paperwork and return the old number plate to us to give to my in laws.
I can't help but be a bit miffed.
I'll get over it but I am a little concerned that my in laws as lovely as they can be are living on another planet to us.

OP posts:
mrscumberbatch · 05/01/2015 19:18

Yanbu they are being weird

Mrscog · 05/01/2015 19:18

YANBU! I would get your dh to firmly explain that your dm is organising a funeral and she'll sort this out when she catches her breath.

Cauliflowersneeze1 · 05/01/2015 19:18

Don't mention a thing to her and tell your FIL why its a little insensitive , he needs to hear it

Clobbered · 05/01/2015 19:20

Where's your DH in all this? Can't he tell them to get to the far side, at least until after the bloody funeral? What a bunch of arses. Look after your Mum and forget the sodding number plates. Sorry for your loss.Flowers

Original poster
Kab13 · 05/01/2015 19:22

I'm more annoyed because we didn't want it in the first place. They insisted we use it again and it was a gift to dh, it's not like my mum would ever have sold the car with the number plate on, she would have returned it when let's face it the car goes for scrap! So why couldn't she just have used it? Do they NEED it in their garage?
And now they expect everyone else to scuttle around to return it to them because my mum couldn't possibly use it.
I need to calm down a bit. I'm all emotional anyway and am feeling pretty angry with fil, the pair of them are so precious about anything expensive or remotely pretentious.

OP posts:
RandomNPC · 05/01/2015 19:22

Tell them to go fuck themselves! Insensitive bastards.

RandomNPC · 05/01/2015 19:23

It was also a gift, so surely you and your husband can do what you like with it?

Ilovehamabeads · 05/01/2015 19:23

But the plate belongs to your DH not them. It's not like it's going anywhere either, is it. Don't say anything to your mum at all, wait for a better time. Your fil is being a prat.
Sorry for your loss.

Original poster
Kab13 · 05/01/2015 19:23

Dh was out when fil called. He doesn't know yet.
I don't want to cause a fuss because they are meant to have dd tomorrow so I can go and help mum with all the paperwork.

OP posts:
VanitasVanitatum · 05/01/2015 19:24

DH needs to deal with this. He needs to tel FIL to back off, that's disgraceful of him.

Original poster
Kab13 · 05/01/2015 19:24

Yes. My point exactly. It was a gift. My mil actually sat me down and told me "it's wrong for your mum to have it Kab, it's wrong".
Very odd.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kab13 · 05/01/2015 19:26

I actually fear that it is purely about my mum using the plate.
I don't know why!
Because they KNOW she would never sell it or anything. My mum doesn't give a shit about stuff like that anyway.
Cringe

OP posts:
addicted2cake · 05/01/2015 19:26

just tell them that you will ask your mum to sort it out after the funeral and not before, then end the conversation with 'i'm sure you understand,'

pictish · 05/01/2015 19:26

Call him back and tell him it would be insensitive to hassle your mum about the number plate at present, and that you will get back to him at a later date.
Be a little bit cold about it.

Quitelikely · 05/01/2015 19:27

I would state very nicely that you are not prepared to discuss this issue with her until at least 1 week after the funeral.

Original poster
Kab13 · 05/01/2015 19:29

The thing is fil has sent off for it to be changed etc, no idea how it all works but he said my mum will have received a letter and she has 1 week to sort it or else it's void or something.
Think it's cost him.
He should've waited, he knew my grandad was dying.

OP posts:
DraggingDownDownDown · 05/01/2015 19:35

so where is the car's original numberplate?

Original poster
Kab13 · 05/01/2015 19:41

Fil has it somewhere in amongst a few more. Nobody knows which one it is though... Does that matter?

OP posts:
pictish · 05/01/2015 19:42

Time to get your dh onto it I think.

"Really dad? Like...really??!"

Bloodymidges · 05/01/2015 19:45

This just blows my mind.

Don't say anything to your Mum

Tell your fil to fuck off to the far side of fuck, the utter utter twat.

Some people are just unbelievable.

Moreisnnogedag · 05/01/2015 19:51

Don't say a word to your dm. The most tactful thing to do is get DH to speak to his fucking ridiculous father and tell him that he should be less of a cock and that he'll pay for any fines etc.

Oh my Im so angry on your behalf! In fact give me his number and I'll tell him!

jazzandh · 05/01/2015 19:55

Think he's talking rubbish tbh.....takes weeks for the DVLA to sort this stuff out in general (speaking from experience with swapping numberplates on and off various cars). Never had any time limit for it to be actioned by......(they work at snail pace...and there is nearly always some paperwork missing...so it all goes off again).

Apart from the fact he is being an insensitive pain - I would ignore it until things have settled down. Just say paperwork hasn't arrived yet.

Crockershite · 05/01/2015 19:56

Bloody hell I wouldnt say anything to your mum. Can you sort it for her? Don't know how it works and you shouldn't have to.
What an insensitive arsewipe.

SistersOfPercy · 05/01/2015 19:59

Jazz, oddly at this time of year it doesn't take weeks. Dh's transfer was done within a week just before Christmas.

None of which changes the fact he is a dick.

Greylilypad · 05/01/2015 20:00

Seriously - some people are so fucking self absorbed. There is NO WAY I would bring this up with grieving mother. Your DH should also make it very clear that you are all offended by this extremely insensitive behaviour.
I rarely react to posts but this one actually made me feel angry.