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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think now is not the time

56 replies

Kab13 · 05/01/2015 19:15

We brought a new car and gave the old one to my mum. She couldnt afford to buy her own or insure it etc so we did all that, so she just pays for the petrol.
Unfortunately the car has a ridiculous private number plate on it (it's a bloody old ford focus) but my in laws brought this number plate for dh when he got his first car.
When my in laws found out about my mum having the car I was told it was wrong for my mum to have it and they want it back .
Bearing in mind it's only on the car because when we brought it they absolutely insisted we put this bloody private number plate on because they had to pay for it yearly when it wasn't being used.
This is all fine, if it means that much to them.
My grandad (mums dad) died today. My in laws knew this. So fil calls to say he's sorry about my grandad (good start) but he needs my mum to get a new number plate for her car, sort all the forms out and give back his number plate THIS WEEK.
Wtf?
She's pretty busy organising a funeral. Seriously?
Surely he could have saved it for another day. Is it that urgent?
I'm now expected to go and seet grieving mother tomorrow and somehow slip in that she needs to get a new number plate for her car, sort out all the paperwork and return the old number plate to us to give to my in laws.
I can't help but be a bit miffed.
I'll get over it but I am a little concerned that my in laws as lovely as they can be are living on another planet to us.

OP posts:
fuzzpig · 05/01/2015 20:02

That's horrible Angry of course YANBU. Sorry for your loss Thanks

Whocansay · 05/01/2015 20:03

I'd say,

Dear FIL. You don't seem to understand what a 'gift' is. Do fuck off. And thank you for abusing our time of need to try and score points. Do not send us anymore 'gifts'. Kab13.

What an utter bastard.

Original poster
Kab13 · 05/01/2015 20:03

Apparently it's "done" and if she doesn't "sort it" she will be driving round with the wrong number plate on her car and therefore no tax etc.
Dh says he will sort it all and have a word with his dad.
It will make me feel really awkward when fil is told to apologise though.
If he doesn't realise it's not normal to act like this by his age he never will.

OP posts:
QTPie · 05/01/2015 20:06

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster
Kab13 · 05/01/2015 20:11

QT last year when they insisted we put the sodding thing on our clapped out ford focus fil apparently changed the number plate into HIS name. Hmm
He had some paperwork that dh had to sign a few weeks back.
I'm sure he's practically done it all and now my mum has to sort the last bit out.

OP posts:
CrazyOldBagLady · 05/01/2015 20:15

Your FIL cannot transfer the plate over unless he owns both of the cars in question. Both owners need to complete (and sign) one of these forms.

You also need to include....

the £80 transfer fee (cheque or postal order, payable to DVLA)

the registration certificate or the new keeper supplement with a completed V62 ‘application for a vehicle registration certificate V5C’ for each vehicle

an MOT test certificate (for cars and motorcycles over 3 years old, and heavy goods vehicles over 1 year old) for each vehicle

From here.

CrazyOldBagLady · 05/01/2015 20:17

Ok I have just seen your last post, so your DH signed the plate over to his father. This means your Mum's vehicle has a plate that is not registered to her car. This indeed might make the situation more urgent?

QTPie · 05/01/2015 20:18

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

whitesandstorm · 05/01/2015 20:40

I'd find it hard to be civil with the insensitive bastards. Probably say something like...." Look my mother is grieving for her father and is busy arranging his funeral, shut the fuck up about lousy number plates and have the decency to ask at a later date and show some respect and decency.

IdontusuallyNC · 05/01/2015 20:47

Do they still own all the 'gifts' they give people?

Original poster
Kab13 · 05/01/2015 20:52

Apparently they do.
It's more a family status symbol I think. Couldn't stand the thought of my dm driving around with their number plate.
Mil & fil have a very similar number plates.
Matching family number plates, classy stuff.

OP posts:
QTPie · 05/01/2015 20:55

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Cauliflowersneeze1 · 05/01/2015 21:35

Actually I think randomNPC has put it better than me

aermingers · 05/01/2015 21:36

I'm really sorry sorry about your Grandad and of course YANBU that there is absolutely no way whatsoever they should have asked for it for at least a few weeks if not a couple of months. You are quite within your rights to tell them that they need to wait.

But after a reasonable period I do think you should do your best to expedite it. Because if they have to pay for the plate annually when it's not being used you should have discussed it with them before you passed it on to your mother. Because if your mother has it or she sold it on how would they know that it wasn't still in use? They could end up breaking a law or becoming liable for a large debt because you had let something you knew they were financially liable for go astray.

Really you should have sorted this out with them before you transferred ownership of the car. You knew they were liable for a fee for the plate but you didn't find out how this would affect them or if they needed to make any arrangments regarding the plate. So tell them that they need to wait but also apologise for not sorting it out correctly in the first place and don't be confrontational about it because it may be partly because of your carelessness that it is so pressingly urgent it is done now. I'm sure if they are required to inform any official body if they ring and explain the situation they will give them a grace period.

SaucyMare · 05/01/2015 21:43

My dad thinks that gifts are just loans to return when you ar finished with it.

I purchased a second hand camera off him, then gave it to my sister (his daughter) when i was finished with it, tiz upset him as i should have returned it to him.

Fucking wankers.

MumsyFoxy · 05/01/2015 21:44

YANBU.
P.S. to buy- bought
to bring - brought

Original poster
Kab13 · 05/01/2015 21:52

But the number plate would be in use, on my mums car.
They don't have to pay for it whilst it's on mums car, only when it's taken off. Which they are insisting on.
They MADE us put it on there in the first place and are now insisting on having it taken off so they can pay to keep it in their garage.
I also told them that when the car does (soon inevitably) she wouldn't keep the number plate or sell it.
She just urgently needed the car to get to grandad who was in a care home 35 miles away so didn't have time to fuss and didn't think there would be an issue as it was given to dh.
Oh I don't know. We didn't want it on the car in the first place. They just don't like the idea of mum using our car with it on.

OP posts:
CatsClaus · 05/01/2015 21:57

i think it might be quicker than you expect, we bought a car, and dh drove it home (london to scotland) but it had on a Vanity Plate ( i think that is a way better description btw...and riles most people who have them!)

anyways, guy who owned the car and plate sorted all the paperwork and the new reg plates in a week.

Oldraver · 05/01/2015 22:26

I would get DH to say something along the lines of what whitestorm said..

They should show some friggin respect

butwhiletheresmusicandlaughter · 05/01/2015 23:05

Really MumsyFoxy? I hardly think a lesson on grammar is the most constructive or sensitive advice you could have given, bearing in mind the OPs recent bereavement...

butwhiletheresmusicandlaughter · 05/01/2015 23:06

And very ironic too, given the title of the thread...

whitesandstorm · 05/01/2015 23:29

Ignore what I said, didn't realise it was too late for all that.

MidniteScribbler · 05/01/2015 23:44

I'd just sort it out as soon as possible, and when I handed it over to them, the words 'shove it up your arse' would be the last conversation I ever had with them.

SaucyMare · 06/01/2015 11:41

I have been thinking it over and your FIL may have a point, your OH signed the papers 2 weeks ago and has done nothing. He is just pointing out that very soon (if not now) she will be driving illegally, so uninsured which is actually very serious indeed.

It is just very bad timing for such an event.

MumsyFoxy · 06/01/2015 12:46

Butwhiletheresmusicandlaug, why not- to bring and to buy are very different verbs, nobody should confuse the two, bereaved or not imo.

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