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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think lightweight drinkers who drink excessively are selfish?

43 replies

ArielleVan · 04/01/2015 14:06

On Friday night my good friend invited me out for a drink, she'd also invited another friend "Sarah" (I don't know this friend too well as I've only met her 4 times)

We got a taxi and had one drink and then Sarah just changed, knocking over her chair, stumbling, talking rubbish, grabbing our glasses of wine. Turns out she'd been drinking practically since she'd woken up that day.

The whole night I felt like me and my friend were babysitting. The night really was not fun.

Apparently she does this a lot (drink excessively) and have to be looked after. In the couple of times I've met her shes told me herself what a lightweight she is.

I just think its really selfish behaviour that if you are a lightweight you would on many occasions drink excessively and then expect to be looked after and not allow others to have fun.

OP posts:

Meh84 · 04/01/2015 14:09

YANBU - I have this with a very good friend. Always end up holding her hair back when she's vomming, she drinks far too much whenever we go, and it turns from a fun evening into me babysitting.

I haven't been out with her for a while now!!

Alisvolatpropiis · 04/01/2015 14:09

If she had been drinking since she had woken up then lightweight is the last thing I wojld be calling her. More like alcoholic.

Are you usually so self absorbed you can't see what is right in front of your nose?

Bunbaker · 04/01/2015 14:13

She isn't a lightweight. She has a drink problem and is in denial.

Original poster

ArielleVan · 04/01/2015 14:15

She's not an alcoholic, she stayed at my friends as they had the day off work on Friday so started drinking early.

She wouldn't drink like that every day.

OP posts:

TheCowThatLaughs · 04/01/2015 14:15

I also thought she sounds more like alcoholic than lightweight. Could be both though...

Wolfiefan · 04/01/2015 14:16

She says she's a lightweight to try and conceal her drink problem.
People who have drink problems are selfish.

Discopanda · 04/01/2015 14:16

My other half doesn't drink beer or wine and doesn't really enjoy drinking, like how you would enjoy an evening glass of wine with dinner, he only drinks to get drunk, does it to excess, loses things, misses trains and spends a fortune on taxis and is then useless the next day, it's exhausting. YANBU just tell her that you won't go out with her again if she behaves like that.

LizzieVereker · 04/01/2015 14:16

To be honest I think anyone who drinks to the point of vomiting/staggering/ needing to be looked after is selfish. I don't think it matters whether that takes three glasses of wine or three bottles.

GrandTheftQuarto · 04/01/2015 14:18

I think "lightweight" is a red herring here. Whatever your tolerance, it's inconsiderate to drink beyond it knowing that your friends will have to look after you (although the occasional misjudgement might happen which is probably just one of those things).

Wolfiefan · 04/01/2015 14:18

Alcoholics don't necessarily drink every day.
Not sure you know what constitutes a problem drinker.

squoosh · 04/01/2015 14:19

I have a friend who does this maybe once a year, she definitely isn't an alcoholic.

It's dull. If you know you get drunk quickly then don't drink to excess and if you do drink to excess hire a babysitter don't expect your friends to spend their evening looking after you.

paperlace · 04/01/2015 14:22

I know exactly what you mean.

I have known two or three people like this who get absolutely shit faced (to the point of blackouts and hospitalisation on occassion but ALWAYS needing people to carry/get them home, pay for cabs etc).

Whether or not they are faking the 'lightweight' thing or not, they don't care that they get to the point of not remembering the night or how they got home or paid for anything.

dorasee · 04/01/2015 14:24

YANBU at all. I had a friend like the woman you described. I ditched the friendship and years later I still feel sad about this because she is a beautiful, kind person. But going out with her was like being out with an untrained, aggressive puppy. And we'd end up dealing with weird idiots and all sorts of wreckage. She attracted trouble with her behaviour and it was just a chronic problem.

effinandjeffin · 04/01/2015 14:25

Yanbu my dh used to do this and it's fucking tedious. He only drinks to get drunk, if he's out he can barely stand up, if he's at home, he falls asleep within a couple of hours for the rest of the day and then can't get out of bed all the next day.

Luckily, we came to an agreement a few years ago that he would knock the drinking on the head otherwise I would have left him. Not sure what you can do about a friend, except stop going drinking with her.

Original poster

ArielleVan · 04/01/2015 14:33

Shes not even my friend and I didn't realise that she would be there. I'd happily never see her again but her and my friend seems to spend every moment together so...

And to all those posters that say I don't know what constitutes a drink problem. I grew up with an alcoholic father and my ex fiance I left him because I could see that he was an alcoholic too and no he wouldn't drink every day. After 2 years he finally realised himself and has been sober for 7 months.

I have experience of it so do not be so quick to write me off as self absorbed or an idiot.

OP posts:

differentnameforthis · 04/01/2015 14:54

Turns out she'd been drinking practically since she'd woken up that day

she stayed at my friends as they had the day off work on Friday so started drinking early

Which was it? She does sound like she has a drink problem. NO one I know starts drinking as soon as they wake up!

All people who drink excessively are selfish.

There are different types of alcoholic.

everlong · 04/01/2015 15:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PacificDogwood · 04/01/2015 15:03

She is a problem drinker.

I detest and avoid the term 'alcoholic' because everybody sees somebody whose hands are shaking without a drink first thing in the morning or a drunk drity old man in a trench coat .

Many, many people who are not physically dependent on alcohol have a problem with alcohol.
'Sarah' has a problem: she seems unable to stick to a level of drinking that keeps her in control of her behaviour, she puts herself and others at risk.

She is a problem drinker.

RokensWife · 04/01/2015 16:20

YANBU!
A friend brought her friend along on a night out. We ended up having to babysit her all night and it was awful.

ouryve · 04/01/2015 16:25

Drinking all day then behaving like that doesn't make someone a "lightweight". It makes them drunk because they have consumed far too much alcohol.

Tobyjugg · 04/01/2015 16:25

OMG they are awful. Once went on a pub crawl with one. After the 3rd pub we quietly left out of a side door and went off without him. He may still be there for all I know. If you can't take it; don't drink it.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 04/01/2015 16:32

She sounds like a binge drinker.

As you are a friend of a friend I would just ask my friend if she is coming.

Gawjushun · 04/01/2015 16:35

People who insist on getting 'wasted' or 'shitfaced' on purpose are bloody annoying to deal with. Yeah, we've all had a few too many in our time and done stupid things, but I can't understand why they're so keen to get into that state.

I've had to babysit friends a few times who were trying to start fights, go off with creepy strange men and all sorts of bad ideas. I was called a fucking bitch by a colleague who got paralytically drunk on a work night out and spat in some guy's face. I dragged her out the club before she caused a brawl. Strangely, she couldn't remember this the next day and now she's always on Facebook whinging that "we must catch uuuuuup!". No thanks.

Bumbiscuits · 04/01/2015 16:36

Some people can enjoy a civilised drink in the morning without being binge drinkers or alcoholics. Bucks Fizz anyone?

paperlace · 04/01/2015 18:01

For goodness sake can people stop focussing on the 'drinking all day' comment - OP means people who allow themselves to get into a stupour, lose all control and expect everyone to look after them and get them home. I've known two or three and they are binge drinkers who don't know or care about their limit. I'm sure there are secret alcoholics who do this too and pretend it's because they are lightweight but that's now what OP means in this instance.

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